I found my kryptonite. Yup. Really.

Monday, August 3, 2020

Today, I'm reminded of what makes me anxious. Uptight to the point of blanking out my brain. There's a lizard chirping on the bookshelf. It distracts me. The birds on the porch are squawking. W's talking online up on the porch and I can't blank out his voice.

I turn FocusAtWill to the loudest techno-racket and settle in. That helps a lot. But I'm still churning through quicksand.

My kryptonite? "Minute edits." Fiddly little things that are of crucial importance to editors. Really important. I know that.

• "Do this, not that."
• "Do it this way, not that way."
• "Make sure you have this dot here and that comma there."
• "Did you read the manual for the instructions that this person sent a long time ago. I'm almost certain we sent you instructions for that a few times already..."

I read the ongoing instructions over and over. I think, "Please just tell me what you want. Especially if it's easy and basic. Author, title in italics. City, State: Publisher, date." Or ? [Why did the date suddenly shift from the end to behind the author's name? Really?]

It's like having a fridge and water-bottle in the living room. (Before, when we got here. It made no sense to me. After, a music corner, sits below my own wild painting.)

My head is begging, please don't make me sift many general emails and websites for a simple answer. I become paralyzed by such searches and endless options. "I don't know what you want. HELP."

I'm a professional editor. I teach academic research and writing. Yet learning a new style when someone has said: "We're using this style" (which I know) before hiding minute updates in several emails ... well, it turns my brain inside out. Or maybe it just dumps my thinker under my desk?

So now you know. My heart races every time I open another email from the book editor. Here's the process so far:

• I submitted a chapter proposal two years ago. And forgot about it.
• The book was put on hold with a fluid deadline. We didn't hear about chapters or acceptance for a long time. When someone wrote, "Well, Rosemarie, aren't you writing about Margaret?" I had to ask for the acceptance email to see what I'd proposed. Out of sight. Out of mind with everything else going on.
• We got a submission deadline, so I sent in my chapter.
• Suddenly there were 2 websites to go to - one for messages and instructions, another for editing (The edit site allows comments, "but send the editor your questions at the other site.")
• Each site had specific instructions for saving work, editing, re-saving, moving forward to the next phase. They lost me right there.
• Meanwhile, I couldn't remember my password for one site when it was delayed a few months. 
• The website was being updated and repeatedly crashed.
• "Wait. Don't log in."
• "Here's the new deadline. Please do your edits this way and check ... "
• "No, wait." New instructions.
• Deadline now ... 
• "Wait. Crashed again... "(2-3X)
• "Reminder, you have to send it in or you'll miss the book entirely."

I'm crazy after it all. Brain scramble? yes. (Lord have mercy. Feels almost like writing another dissertation.)

I do my best with the latest instructions. I drink a whole lot of tea. And mark up a page in my journal to tilt myself upright.

Then I call W for help. He sits beside me after he prints out the latest instructions, and walks me though. He's the detail guy who can follow a manual A, a(a) a(b), a1, a2, // B, b1, b2, b(a), b(b)// C, c1-5---

No problem for him. While I'm long lost in the woods. He even reads it out loud for me to make sure I have all the moving parts.

I edit, click save, and send one more message to the editor: "Do whatever else you like with this, please!" Because at this point I neither care nor want to hear from them again. Oh wow. Are we done yet? (I honestly don't know.)

Yes, it's a privilege to be published. But people like me probably ought to just hand over their manuscript to someone else. I edit words and phrases for others all the time.  I rework manuscripts to make sense.

What kills me is this final-almost-final-almost-there-almost-final-once-again-with-just-three-more-" The barrage of editing details snarls me in knots.

You just got inside the head of someone with some kind of adult ADD. Awful, right?
----
On a happier note, we had wonderful friends over this weekend, albeit with social distancing. W's pizza skills are improving every weekend. Yahoo! We all enjoyed our choices, baked in his super-oven.

My mom (center below) had a wonderful 85th birthday celebration with friends and family. She got many cards from well-wishers, too.

Sometimes life is just good. And all is right with the world.

As long as there's not another email about edits.

Read more:
*The Lord reigns, let the earth be glad; let the distant shores rejoice.

Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.

Fire goes before him and consumes his foes on every side.

His lightning lights up the world; the earth sees and trembles.

The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.

The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all peoples see his glory.

Psalm 97:1-6  NIV

Prayer: Dear God, when we don't understand, when we can't find our way forward, would you be our Guide? Would you guard our hearts? Watch over us?

Thank you that you made us, know what's enough for us, and will see us through to another day. We rejoice in you, in Jesus' name. Amen.

Turning 85 and other adventures

My Mom turns 85 tomorrow (August 2) and we are so far away. I call my beautiful mama this morning. It's evening at her house. Her girlfriends will take her out for lunch. And all of us will call her on "the day." She's queen of a small tribe - we've added a child, height, and girth since this picture some years ago.

Oh great. Blogger has added 3 steps to every action in its most recent update. 

"Click here." Not done yet? (That's all the effort adding a photo took before.)

"Click again." Ok.

"Another option." What? Plus long delays while the text and photos are uploaded. Each pic has to be edited. Then,

"Save." Ugh. I sometimes get impatient with such "improvements."

I get a chance to talk to our hoppity-jumpity grands and enjoy their imagination.

As I walk, I see a couple that looks just like my parents in the distance. Strange feeling. It's not them, of course.

It's a week of speaking, writing, and editing. Our friend's book is almost done. It's a treasure, a new POV with encouragement about spiritual formation. Can't wait, Gail!

On my end, I finish editing my own second book. W is charged with publishing it online. Whenever - my deadline was August 2018. I get totally lost in detailed directions for tech. Anything beyond, now this, then that ... any assumption about what one should know - and I zone out. I click out of the program and wait for W to figure it out. I'm only 2 years behind my goal, so far. Sigh.

We sent a community survey last week via SurveyMonkey. That worked great. I understand how to run that and write enews on MailChimp. I wrote a newsletter for the BIC Community. (Click here if you ever want to join BIC online; schedule below.) And I finished another newsletter for our non-profit work.

It's cold at night (60oF/16oC). That's what hot water bottles are for. I heat one almost to scalding and put it on my stomach when I go to sleep, just like my Auntie Molly used to do. Warms the whole body.

We wear sweaters and light coats, even in the house. We have no air-conditioner or heater in the building because of the stable temps.

It's pleasant during the dah if the sun stays out (80oF/26oC; but cooler in the house). The streets are full of tourists on the weekends and evenings.

Someone asks our WAGroup about deodorant; they've run out of their American preferred brand. 

"I need more of something. But what?" The best anti-perspirant is actually a German baby cream, which can be found on Amazon. Penaten cream is mostly zinc ointment, not salt and aluminum which can be unhealthy. Try it? (Use a bit, a few times a week.) It's amazingly effective, even in the tropical heat.

BEFORE AND AFTER: 

Here's another room for those who like those. In the principal bedroom, we love the calm space to watch TV or write, away from everything.

It take very little, as long as IKEA has rugs on 70% clearance. Ha. The empty space (above) became a bedroom (below). 

The Lack shelves are an inexpensive nightstand. In the coffered ceiling above our heads, little lizards roam around. They occasionally push their "unmentionable goop" on the bed. I brush it off when possible. If it's too awful, I strip the sheets off the bed and have a do-over.

We mounted an Indian wallhanging above the TV. It was sold to us in the Arab quarter of Jerusalem as a "genuine Palestinian handcraft. You see, it's lovely. The colors. The beautiful patterns. The women of Palestine make these." Sure. I liked the colors and the funny fervent sales pitch with a 'wink wink.'

Remembering the transaction makes me smile. Of course you could see it was from India when we bought it. I still like it, though I would have preferred to support Israel's local women.

Thursday

The past months have been a cooking adventure. I make most meals, careful to limit the family's exposure to COVID. 

I cook both familiar chemistry experiments (old recipes) or tastes explained online or by ingredient. I'm always willing to explore. Most often, I stand in the kitchen and ask myself, "What am I hungry for today?" Carbs are my stress medication. Muffins, crepes, pancakes, pasta, spaetzle, salad, tofu, etc. 

If I inhale deeply, I can imagine the spices blending together. Today, I pull all the spice bottles out of the kitchen cabinet. Sniff each one. The 3-4-year-olds are faint. The helper takes them home and washes the jars. The freshest ones are returned to the shelf.

The workers at the hall are building metal doors. First they hand-saw and hammer a 2X4 frame. Then they hammer a tin sheet over and add handles.

Friday

I scribble a journal spread during a long session online.

The sun's out in the morning, so I drag the quilt outside and sew for a few hours. At this rate, it will be done in a few weeks. HURRAH! - it's always fun to wrap up a longterm project.

Saturday

I walk the dogs. Twice. Our usual dog walker has gone to be with his family many towns and 5 hours away. 

Yesterday was Eid, the Muslim commemoration of Abraham's obedience. The Bible says Abraham was willing give up even his son Isaac. The Koran doesn't identify the boy so most Muslims assume it is Ishmael. There are fewer goats tied to the street corners. Our helpers laments that this year poverty and limited jobs means less food and feasting. No one can afford meat.

It's usually a wonderful family time. Yet people are truly suffering want. We are assembling food packets to help those starving. If you want to help ease the hunger around us, let us know and we'll channel your donations to the neighborhoods.

W's working with the worship team at the hall. It's the first time filming live since March. There are no masks or social distancing. "Did you say something?" I ask him. Nope. I'll have to specify that - no way we want to be the center of an outbreak. Sigh.

I wait and wait for everyone to arrive but have to leave before everyone gets there. The dogs run around happily. They come when called - we walk back home. Missing those dear faces.

Saturday lunch is a failure. My nose is conflicted between 2 tastes so the resulting soup tastes indifferent. Soy sauce, chicken broth, wontons, sesame oil (so far so good), onion, kale, mushrooms, green peppers. Sounds like it would be good, but um. No.

I'm kinda hungry for a 5 Guys Burger. W's making pizza tonight. That should do. Chop chop. The olives, mushrooms, and green peppers are ready.

What are you eating today?

Read more:

*My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul. Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. Psalm 108:1-5 NIV

From plain to good - options, options.

I'm working on a few big projects. The week fills with normal virtual meetings, a wonderful week-end homemade-pizza party (social distancing on the porch with Dr H and Alice), and a trail of checkmarks on my to-do lists.

I'm needing to jazz up something in my space. I try a few options but put it all away again.

Then I remember the little lanterns we brought to Indonesia from the USA ... 5 years ago. Most of the clappers are worn off the bamboo wind chimes on the teras. Air flow is constant on our hillside, whether it's a breeze or a stiff wind. I replace the missing and broken clappers with ribbon and hang the colored spheres from them.

When we moved here the porch was long but dreary.

Now it's the perfect place for studies, pizza parties, and movie night.

During their visit, Laura Bunda mentioned an easy focal point for the yard: "Why not paint the swing red." She was right. It helps that we moved the satellite dish and planted a flowerbed along the wall, too.

My office is the former side entry to the house so there's no separation: if someone comes in the door, they're at my desk. W mounts a curtain rod to the ceiling and I find the curtains from my Seattle office among the fabrics on the shelf. Perfect - it pretty much disappears until I draw the curtain when I don't want to be disturbed.

Thursday

Veronica texts, do we want to walk? YES please! I take the dogs, put two others in my car, and Veronica takes another in hers. We're hiking to the "mountain of the stars," a popular tourist destination. most people drive up and walk a couple of hills to the metal stars.

Not we! we hike through coffee plantations - gloriously green, red, and gold berries everywhere.

Lembang is famous for vegetables and flowers, exported to nearby mega centers and internationally. The mountains are cleared and terraced in broad strips of crops. These, seen across the valley today, are probably 40-60 feet (14-20 meters) wide or wider. The air is hazy so the city far below is almost hidden.

It feels wonderful to be out. W stubbed his toe on a bench earlier this week, taped it up, untaped it and walked on it, taped it up again, and is limping with a very sore foot. He stays home. Smart man. It's a challenging walk.

We see "USA-houseplants" (that we try to grow indoors) flourishing in wild abundance along the jungle trails.

You have to duck sometimes, and climb over fallen trees at other times.

We pause for a breather. The trail winds along a steep drop-off. We have to be very careful where we put our feet. Sitting down is a good thing occasionally.

Our two dogs race around. They love trotting the path ahead of us but come when I whistle. They chase a few monkeys and take alternate paths, too. But they always find us again. Getting out is good for them as well as for us!

Much of the trail is completely overgrown. That's not the best thing when a misstep could send you down the bank 10-30 feet (3-10 meters). The walking sticks sure help.

One of the coffee harvesters warns us the trail has washed away with a landslide. In a few places, we help each other across a break in the trail.

The coffee plantations are being harvested under tall pines, planted by the Dutch before they were ousted in the mid-1900s.

It's shady and cool. Once we're away from the mini-trail, we walk well-worn paths in the hills of coffee. Sacks of harvested beans rest against the pine trunks.

We walk for almost 3 hours, starting in morning coolness at 9. We beat back the shrubs across the trail, trying this path and that. Finally, Veronica decides that we are completely lost. However, I've never met anyone like her for homing in on where we are.

Wonder of wonders, going down the second or third steep hillside (of course, we've gone up up up for the privilege of going down), voila!

"Oh look, we're back at the car!" says Judy. We think she's joking but she's gone around a corner we can't see. Sure enough. Surprise! from woodland path to clearing, we've come out exactly where we started. The drivers have the cars airing with trunks and doors open. It's very warm at noon. Everyone is happy to see each other.

 And I'm happy for lunch at home. Ibu A has cooked chicken and rice.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
The yard is full of flowers again. I bring a few inside for a 4'-tall arrangement.

It's a cooking and food-sharing kind of weekend. IbuS makes bread that we send here and there.

W fires up his pizza oven for the final Saturday meal and we enjoy a visit from friends. Alice brings fermented cassava rounds with coconut sugar. "Eat it with condensed milk," she advises. We put it in the fridge; too much pizza! and a few cookies made by Ibu A.

Sunday is the Gathering online. It's wonderful to hear Josh's talk on a spiritual discipline. (Check it out at the link if you like.)

I journal during the calls. The scribbles depend on whatever is at hand and what people are talking about.

This week I take fat Sharpies to outline the 5'X7' mural on the blank wall in the nook. I'll fill in colors in the next weeks.

Sunday lunch is leftovers and a steak that looks freezer-burned. I run cool water over it, marinade it with this-and-that from the cabinet. Betting it tastes fine.

W grills the steak in the pizza oven. It's his first try and turns out delicious. It may be black and crispy on the outside but it's luscious inside. We're not used to so much meat; a 2-person steak will last us a few more meals. The table is full. There are

• spaetzle that I froze weeks ago, refried with butter and vegan "bacon" (marinated potatoes)
• Asian-style sesame noodles
• chopped cauliflower
• dessert is Alice's cassava (SOOO good)

DrW texts that there's a potato pie on the way. Oh oh. We try it anyway. Her food is always yummy! We put the rest in the fridge for tomorrow.

We get a warning text from a friend: "IbuS is working in her weekend market shop, exchanging money and goods with millions of people." (Well, maybe hundreds buy at her stationary shop?) "Do you feel safe having her over?" I appreciate the care and caution in the message.

The helpers mask and sanitize their hands as they come in the door. They wash their hands many times during the day. They no long cook for us every lunchtime. They need the income but our floors, walls, and porches also need constant cleaning. (Alternatively, I could spend 6 hours daily removing lizard poop, upside-down roaches, farm dust that blows over, birdseed, and garden leaves - hmmmm. Nope.)

Our doctor neighbor suggest that we give IbuS plastic gloves for the first days after the weekend. "The gloves are cheap and any food handling or touching your things should be with gloves on, please." Ok, we'll add that to the precautions.

I clip my hair in the back before crawling into bed. So easy when you cut your own!

It's been a good weekend.

Monday
Starting the week, we're working on the porch. The paper lanterns move in the breeze to make the bamboo chimes clatter. The dogs nap at our feet and the lovebirds squawk. Our internet is improved from last month. The mornings are cold at 65ºF (16C) so we wrap in blankets and work from 7 onward.

The people at the Monday study are happy. All in all, it's a satisfying and productive life in Bandung.

BUT how are you doing? And where are you doing it from? I'd love to see your view, too.

Read more:
*God, turn to me and be gracious to me, as is your custom toward those who love your name. Psalm 119:132

extras—OT 1 Kings 3:5-12; Psalm 119:129-136
NT Romans 8:26-39; Matthew 13:31-33,44-52

*Whoever is kind to the needy honors God. Proverbs 14:31 NIV

*Jesus said, “Just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” Matthew 25:40

Moravian Prayer: Benevolent God, help us share our possessions with those in need, blessing them by sharing our blessings. Help us see ourselves in the eyes of the needy, so that we may truly be generous with our lives and our wealth. Amen.

Start with a swing, end with a pizza

Monday, July 13, 2020

There's nothing like starting a week with a list of "hope to get it done." The list is mostly checked off by the weekend. Feels good.

During the Monday study, my internet connection is awful. I can't join so I go to the back of the yard with my computer file open and start on the "must-do" list. I work while I swing and enjoy the garden. Can you see the swing tucked under the trees?

Tuesday

Wonderful to see our team in the morning - online. I'm almost used to meeting screen-to-screen after 4 months. But it will be nice to meet in person. I'm working in the BIC office for the first time in a long time. It's so orderly and tidy. It's also pretty quiet except when there's a seminar going on outside my window.

Weather has been wonderful - hardly any rain. Not a lot of sun. So it's mild and dry most of the time. As we walk the neighborhood, most of the big homes have their gates locked.

The streets are still mostly empty other than during the school break, when Jakarta guests come to eat and holiday.

The garbage dump along the way is almost empty, compared to high tourist season.

The side parking lot of the big hotel has a new construction conduit. Villagers have hacked a steep trail into the side of the hill. Little trucks of stone and sand come by, men swarm the top with shovels and make piles. 

Then workers use their shovels to fill pails and dump the building materials down the mountainside to the building site below.

 One of the podcasters I listen to says, "Delegate everything you don't enjoy or cannot do yourself." So the helper washes sheers and drapes.

The sun makes the silver palms glow as I walk by one evening.

Wednesday

You know how you sometimes get a surge of energy? And you know how sometimes a job finds you and it's a whole different ballgame?

This week the big shoe rack at the back door collapses. Totally falls down. Oh well, it is time to wipe the shelves anyway. The tumble takes down a shelf with garden fertilizer and walking sticks. What a mess.

I just leave it alone for most of this week. I have no capacity to think about what's next. The helper washes the porch around the heaps of shoes and gear. I don't have clarity so I don't move.

Thursday

We made a kitchen cart last week. On it, we put desk trays to corral recipes, cutting boards, and receipts. I dumped all the old papers from the trays onto my office desk at home.

That big pile of pages doesn't seem to move itself. Hmm, at the BIC office, I'll have a clean and restful space and a big desk. Let's go - I need a diversion from the porch mess. It's called avoidance!

I bring a new 2" clutter pile with me day after day and churn through it. I write down information to keep, file a few pages for later, and toss the rest. Whew. (It is good to re-read what I had saved: ideas on management and leadership, church, non-profits, friendship, art, creative ways to serve ... )

I finished 3 weeks of seminary teaching last Saturday. This week, I compile 20 years of teaching Acts and send it to the printer, complete with a homemade cover that I'm not very happy with. For the first draft of the book, it's a placeholder.

Writing, editing, and sorting, I use up all my free Focusmate appointments. I've work across the screen with employees in Belgium and London, as well as students in Brazil, France, Dubai, and UAE.

It's fascinating to hear who is doing what. At the start of a Focus hour, we declare our goal/s. Then we click mute and get to work. At the end, we update the other person: "Did you or did you not hit the target?"

I am boggled by how much we accomplish in a focus hour. At the end of the week, I'm left with a short stack of filing. That's it. Yay!

The facility manager and I talk about returning to groups meeting in person. None of us is in any hurry - the virus is just hitting the city. We have 3 green zones in Bandung neighborhoods. All the rest are red (high alert). That's not a "come-back-together" sort of metric. 

Our partners donated funds for a special-needs school last Christmas. This week, the final project came together in a playground for special-needs children. Isn't this amazing? The kids will love it. Their school opens next week.

To feel nature when inside, we slide open the front doors. The LR to porch connection is wonderful.

Saturday

I'm up 4 hours (midnight to 4) to connect with people and listen to livestreams. I need the information - and for one, I just need to see the faces of our colleagues and friends.

There are only 2 "day-off" jobs on my list: 1. clean the fish tank in the office (I fail) and 2. clear the porch.

 My brain is on high-possibility, which is perfect for rethinking storage. My eyes roam the yard. Hey, what's that big "closet" leaning against the carport wall? It's an old wooden lemari (wardrobe) full of junk. W empties it and hauls the big box onto the porch. The organizing begins.

First, I have to sew 3 shoe shelves to replace the ones that tore. Ibu S already washed the cotton cover. The shoes go back on the shelves. And the wooden wardrobe is ready for a good wash-down.

Delegate. Delegate. I bring a pail of soapy water to the porch. The driver has taken Kirsten into town for socially-distanced outdoor lunch with friends. When they return, he washes down the wood and leaves it to dry while he walks the yard dogs.

I like the cut rounds of nangka (jackfruit). It's such a pretty gold-colored wood. We stand them up on the entry table, enjoying them when we enter the house. That lasts two week before my restless interior decorator needs a change of scenery.

In the garden, the frangipani is getting tall. I snap off a 4' branch. We enjoy the natural perfume in the house. The tree will send out 3 shoots at the break. It's the strangest plant: the few leaves keep yellowing and falling off. It has thick sappy branches with bundles of fragrant flowers.

Friends come over for a pizza party in the evening. W bakes the individual portions in his oven. It's so strange to eat, sitting apart on our porch. Feels so good to have people over. Casey, our little doggie friend, comes along with them and rules the dog pack as usual.

At the end of the day, at the end of the week, I'm content.

Read more:
*The human mind may devise many plans, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established. Proverbs 19:21

*Yes, and from ancient days I am he. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it? Isaiah 43:13 NIV

*For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who is not partial and takes no bribe. Deuteronomy 10:17

*Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Matthew 5:8

*All of us must appear before the judgment seat of Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:10

*Therefore be serious and discipline yourselves for the sake of your prayers. Above all, maintain constant love for one another. 1 Peter 4:7-8

Moravian Prayer: Wise Father, you make everything work together for our good and for your will to be established on earth as it is in heaven. Help us always remember that your perfect plans give us hope and love for one another. 

Perfect Lord, sometimes it’s hard to have a soft heart in a world full of anger and despair, of war and unfairness. Help us see the way you see, love the way you love, and help us to stay pure-hearted. In Jesus’ name, we pray. 

Merciful Judge, who are we to be loved so fiercely by you? You judge us with mercy and love, that no one can contradict. You pardon us with your own sacrifice and tell us we are loved by you. Help us realize the immensity of your love. Amen.