Unsatisfied? Reconsider self-gifting

An NPR comment caught my ear: "Self-gifting is a new thing. People would never have purchased for themselves fifty years ago! That would have been considered a lack of humility."

Humility is hardly a valued characteristic in a generation that grew up singing, "I Did It My Way," or their children who hummed along to, "Break Your Heart." It's all about me, my values, my wants. MY presents! Even if I buy them myself.

Around Thanksgiving I decided to "fast" from shopping until after Christmas. Our kids could pick ornaments, china, electronics, crystal, or chatchkis from our house if they needed more stuff. They sure don't want my husband or me buying junk to pile on top of their things, no matter how nice we think that junk is or how much we spend. Do your family and friends feel the same?

I can't tell you how often I've clicked out of an online shopping cart since my spending fast began. Or how many times I've forgotten and purchased a trinket or indulgence. Last weekend, I splurged on salted caramel handmade chocolates. Not because I needed them but because my eyes desired them and I forgot about my fast. Consumerism makes it easy to splurge on self-gifts: "You deserve this." "You have looked for this for a long time." (Do three weeks feel long to you?) "It's on sale." Etc.

In contrast, God's self-gifts are unlike ours. He doesn't look for His own advantage, for what we can give Him. Instead, He spends Himself freely on us as a response of His loving character. He wants to be with us. He cherishes the creatures He has made enough to reach out to us through Jesus (aptly cliched  as "the Reason for the season.")

God refuses to be our Gimme-Genie. The biblical writer James warns, "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." (James 4:3)

I've asked God for a lot of things: health, safety, money for school, and peace in the family. He's often responded with, "Yes, gladly!" But not always. Sometimes we get sick. We run out of resources. Relationships churn through difficult times. God doesn't always give us what we think we deserve or want. Faith demands trust in a God who knows what is best and right for us and those we care about.

Instead of spending money and resources on our pleasures, shall we consider giving ourselves away this month? After all, when we belong to God, we should imitate him in all things. We can gift love to the unlovable. Justice instead of self-service. Mercy instead of punitive action. Grace to the most undeserving. Friendship with the unlovely. Generosity to the poor.

That kind of self-giving is ultimately satisfying and soul-filling. Plus you skip the huge debts and financial self-immolation that hits after the holidays are over. What do you think?

Read more:
*You are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all day long. Psalm 25:5

*Christ says, “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” Matthew 7:7

*Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” John 6:35 NIV

*[In the last week of his life, Jesus said,] "Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:22-24

Moravian Prayer: O God of our salvation, eternal hope and source of strength, let our lives be a response to your steadfast love and grace. Amen.

Promises fulfilled...

It's Boxing Day, the day after Christmas Day. Another year with the  hoopla of buying and wrapping gifts, rearranging and cleaning, cooking and serving the feast (or feasts, for some). What a wonderful reminder of God's promises, kept through Jesus our Lord.

One year, we gave our children a gift on Christmas Eve, another Christmas Day, and one for each of the 12 Orthodox Days of Christmas. That Christmas lasted a long time. (We did that once. When I was young. And had energy to burn!)

This year, our celebration with family filled Christmas Eve. The kids gave me my gifts early, as requested: dozens of little serving dishes. Our square bamboo plates corralled individual servings of traditional and new foods.

Everyone had to pitch in this year. Jonathan helped more than I can remember any of our kids doing, including baking fresh pretzels and rye bread. Yum yum. W smoked a 20 lb turkey - especially delicious ... an indulgence for me (mostly vegan). The grandmas baked and brought delicious cookies and Nanaimo bars. Veges, breads, desserts... a feast medieval kings couldn't have imagined.

W "shops" electronics all year. Our kids choose numbers to pick unwrapped presents from a lotto-box... this year included remote helicopters, an IPod Shuffle, cables and LED flashlights, earbuds, and who knows what else. Since I have not shopped, the stockings were a bit bare. (Yay for super-Santa and his loot!)

Family and friends from Canada and the US joined us. We all like each other and get along, so holidays are full of laughter, memories, and love. What fun it is to see the next generation of little kids come into the circle, getting to know Grandmama and Grandpapa (great-grandparents). W brought our daughter Kirsten home for the day from skilled-nursing care. (Her recovery is on track; she comes home today after almost 3 weeks in hospital and post-surgery care.) We missed one brother and his family in Switzerland and Germany and nieces in Winnipeg and California (love you!)

We traditionally read the Christmas story in 11 parts and sing a matching carol between readings. We randomly pass out scripts, and then read them in chronological order. One of the little guys hopped on my lap to pound out his version of the carols on the piano as I accompanied the singing. [If you'd like a copy of the readings&carols, send a request to rosemee@hotmail.com.]

Like last year, some attendees had never experienced a big family Christmas where everyone gets along. Hopefully, they'll have ideas for recreating Christmas for their own families in years to come.

Phone calls that don't come as promised, money that disappears, and offers of help that don't materialize. They're all part of our human experience. Unlike promises we make and break to each other, God never reneges on what he offers us. Though we don't experience perfect healing, trouble-free relationships, or painless negotiations through life, He remains constant.

Christmas is proof of God's love and faithfulness, a Savior given at the right time for the salvation of humanity. Have you experienced the joy of that encompassing love? If not, I'd love to introduce you to the faithful One.

Read more:
*And behold, there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon, and this man was just and devout, waiting for the Consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. And it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not see death before he had seen the Lord’s Christ.  So he came by the Spirit into the temple.

And when the parents brought in the Child Jesus, to do for Him according to the custom of the law, he took Him up in his arms and blessed God and said: “Lord, now You are letting Your servant depart in peace, According to Your word; For my eyes have seen Your salvation which You have prepared before the face of all peoples, a light to bring revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of Your people Israel.” Luke 2:25-32 NKJV

A tough pick

We've made a tough decision. A really hard choice.

For 25 years, we've hosted a Christmas dinner for faculty and NU friends. The first time I cooked a turkey for the group, I was in my late twenties, mom of three kids (now four, the youngest is 22), and brimming with energy. We loved having wise, funny, godly, and yes, oh so smart! friends share an evening, sing carols and read the Bible story of Jesus' birth, and bring special dishes that evolved into annual traditions.

It was fun to move all the furniture out of the living and dining rooms to set two or three round tables. After Thanksgiving every year, we bought an enormous tree that almost touched the 17' ceiling, decking it with sparkle and lights from base to tip.

Decorating? My hands fell on whatever was nearby or whatever caught my eye. One year, goldfish swam in glass bowls on candle pillars, surrounded by red roses. Another year, I twined white garlands around coat hangers to make "feather" trees. Once, I took the hangers out of ornaments, filled them with flowers, and stapled together a paper flap to hold the globes upright. W and I would do all the dishes after guests left and fall into bed exhausted but happy. The next morning, all we'd have to do is read the guestbook and smile at the wonderful memory of the night before.

A few friends transitioned to heaven over the years, but some of the favorite recipes made it into the file and have been made every year by other willing hands. A typical menu was based around:

homemade rolls and preserves
potato casserole
green bean casserole
orange veg
yellow veg
jellied salad
tossed green salad
green pea salad (Ernestine Rice's legacy)
meat and bread stuffing
turkey and gravy
dessert
and more

...you get the picture - a lavish table groaned under a meal lovingly prepared by many hands.

The tough decision? In light of my "impossible" dissertation schedule, Kirsten's visit for surgery and post-op care, and W's writing and teaching, we're not hosting the Christmas event at our house this year.

Will we miss it? Yes. Do we regret the cancellation? If we have time to think about it, we may. There are seasons in life where clenching the past holds us from the future. Times when we have to say, "NO! Sadly, no," to things we have enjoyed.

What are you saying good-bye to as the holidays approach?