What to do when you're not your mother (or your father)

I like pretty things. There. I admit it. That's no surprise to those who know me. I get that from my mom.

Growing up, I tried to be like my mom and like the things my mother liked in clothes, decor, and social interactions. Yet I consistently fought off things that were feminine and frilly. I was impatient with her attention to detail. It's still not my style to dress up and put on makeup, though it's become my habit (after a lecture from women I trust: "Your makeup isn't for you. It's for those of us who have to look at you all day long." Ha ha. I got the point.)

I eventually gave up and realized I'm not my mom. I've learned a lot from her but I'm more like Dad. That's not a bad thing, eh, Dad? But once in a while - even today - I wish I were more like my mother.

Classic 1960s French roll

My mom kept her house in perfect order. She still works like a slave to dust and cook and clean. She actually likes doing laundry and finds ironing soothing. She's kept Dad's clothes spotless and pressed so he looks sharp. (Sure, once in a while he escapes in his flannel plaid shirts to his workshop.)

Mom dressed up. Always. Her hair was twisted in a French bun, immaculately held in place by a few bobby pins and hairspray. We all wore our "Sunday best" to go to the doctor's or dentist. Mom attired my brothers in little suits for church. She sewed amazing dresses for me, many of which I disliked because the colors and patterns didn't feel good to me. Even then, I knew what I liked, right, Mom?

I look at those photos of us as a family, beautifully decked out in the current fashions - and admire my mom. She has classic taste with her own chic twist. She was always in style, trendy and fashionable in minis in her 30s and early 40s. (Those were the 1970s, after all.) And she has classic beauty today, in her 70s.

I'm as happy in jeans and ugly sweatshirts as I am dressed to the nines. (Maybe happier.) I don't care much if my hair is cooperating or not. I cut it myself in the shower, where I can feel the wet shape I'm sculpting. I look in the mirror in the morning and hope for the best thereafter, ignoring the huge mirrors throughout my home and office that reflect light and space.

I've wished I were more like my mother when I've given in to my natural inclination and find myself ignored by customer service: "She's plain." To me, "What do you want?" Yup, it makes a difference to show up fully armed for retail with makeup and decent clothes.

My mom's special on the inside, too. She loves God and seeks to follow him closely. She's friendly, kind, and a caring servant. SHE has the gift of mercy and not an enemy in the world, the peacemaker in her family and among her confidants.

Me? Not so much. I often ask myself, "What would Mom do?" when I feel like rushing into war with a battle cry, as is my inclination. Ok, I admit I'm not always good at asking that ... and find myself and others bloodied around me. Lord have mercy!

How can we benefit from knowing others with admirable traits that we don't have ... without becoming envious or feeling belittled?

1. Keep admiring. You become what you behold. (Or you get closer, anyway.)
2. Thank God for that person and pray for them. That way you add to their strength rather than comparing yourself unfavorably.
3. Learn every lesson you can. Imitate the good in others to grow stronger yourself.
4. Believe and rejoice in a God who loves variety. He made me different than Mom "because you have a different job to do," as she's told me more than once.
5. Live as yourself. God lavished his loving creativity on us; we have unique abilities, experiences, and momentum to live large and beautifully in our own life and space.
6. Look around to see who you can boost, people like you and not like you.

 Who's your hero? Whom do you admire?

Mom, you're definitely high on my list. Love you! and I still want to be like you, even in my 50s.

Read more:
*When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 18:9-13

*Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me. For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church. 1 Corinthians 4:15-17

*... our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. 1 Thessalonians 1:5-7

Full to the brim

Ever feel like exploding with possibilities? Or are you dragging your heels?

"Morning by morning, new mercies I see.
All I have needed your hands have provided.


GREAT is your faithfulness, Lord, unto me."

That's the music track in my head this morning after a week of spiritual nourishment and physical rest. My spiritual accountability group spent three days on retreat. Then W and I relaxed for three days with dear friends -- on a boat in the middle of God's creation. This morning, I finished a 4-week "Get Unstuck Bootcamp" designed by Kim Martinez.  (I'll write more on that self-coaching system another day.) Wow. What a time of refreshing! (Thanks be to God, especially as the weather changes to Seattle autumn.)

What makes you feel "full" and ready to engage the world? For me, it's interaction with people that is paced by quiet times alone. Without friends and collaborators, I languish and circle in place. Without time by myself, I become exhausted and irritable, numb to stimulation and new ideas.

How do you refill your tank when you're weary? Here are a few observations:

1. Extroverts gather energy by being around people and introverts gather energy from time alone.

2. What you love to do aligns with at least one of your personal strengths or talents. Pay attention the next time you experience joy.

3. What you hate to do may align with a personal weakness. Do you have more choices about things you dread than you think?

• When possible, delegate the task. For this option, accept someone else's "done-well-enough." Don't micro-manage what you hand off to others.
• If YOU have to do it, emphasize parts that line up with things you love. Dislike driving to work but love to pray? Take the cause of travelers in cars next you to God -- while you sit in traffic. 
• Take a mental vacation while you work. Hate maintenance but have to change the oil on your car? Take a great book along or listen to a podcast while someone else does it. While you work, plan a reward that "rings your bells." Washing floors? Look around to see what you can redecorate or reconfigure in the room. (Decor possibilities were my pleasurable mind-escape this morning while cleaning bathroom floors.) 

4. Look around to see how people with your temperament or job cope. Copy copy copy. "There is nothing new under the sun," said the wise sage. What works for others may work for you, too.

*5. Most importantly, recognize and appreciate that The One Who Made Us is interested in developing our full potential. Whom or what has God already brought near you to help you refuel and kickstart the day or the next season?

Read more: 

*I will listen to what God the Lord will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints—but let them not return to folly. Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land. Psalm 85:8-9 NIV 

*He revealed his character to Moses and his deeds to the people of Israel. The LORD is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. Psalm 103:7–8

*I am teaching you today—yes, you—so you will trust in the LORD." Proverbs 22:19

*Declare this with a shout of joy, proclaim it, send it forth to the end of the earth; say, “The Lord has redeemed his servant Jacob!” Isaiah 48:20

*God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by

making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Colossians 1:19-20 (NIV)  

Moravian Prayer: Great and loving God, you bring us redemption and reconciliation and we respond in joy to your great faithfulness. Thousand, thousand thanks to thee, dear Lord. Amen.

"Who do you want to be?" she asked.

An interesting video clip from Indonesia shows a little jawfish camouflaging himself by mimicking an octopus. The strange thing is that that particular kind of octopus often imitates a fish.

We spend a lot of time trying to be someone else. If we inventoried our lives, the things we've seen, where we've traveled or grown up, who raised us, and our education (at school or on the job) in a neutral checklist, other people would affirm that each of us has a lot to offer.

Some of us work well with our hands and can repair almost anything. One of the missionary husbands in my study was renowned in Africa: the first update noted he'd taken apart an engine to the missionary vehicle, sent for parts, and put it back together, to the relief of everyone at that mission station.

Some of us remember facts or numbers. My husband and son pack their brains with obscure information and can recall it. (When I pack mine, info falls out as I walk up the driveway and the wind blows it away.) I know several academic geniuses who have entire libraries at their beck and call... in their heads.

Some of us recreate God's beauty in art, music, words, and buildings. We live in a swirl of creativity, and ever-changing flourish of show-and-tell. Casey Klahn at The Colorist is one such creator. I always learn something new about seeing and being seen, looking at and reading his blog.

If I had a flat tire, I'd want AAA, not someone writing papers to secure tenure at a university. For my dissertation, I need academic advice, not a beautiful oil painting. To frame a picture, I need an artist's eye, not a house framer. Mind you, not all of those skills are exclusive: some people can "do it all." God said he would gift some with many talents, but they would be accountable for them all, too.

So often we look at others and wish we were like them. Prettier. Smarter. More skillful. But God said our only job -- single or married, rich or poor, parent or child, "red and yellow, black and white" (yeah that S. School song is politically incorrect, but notice the "white" is last and more correctly "pink" among the songwriter's limited crayons) -- is to conform to "the image of his Son."

I don't think God cares much whom we marry or if we stay unmarried. He probably doesn't lose sleep if we take a job at Sears or Microsoft or farm our grandfather's acreage. As we constantly align ourselves with him, we begin to take on characteristics that identify us as his children, and that pleases him.

It would be fun to make a checklist of all we are and where we've been:

• Family/background
• Friends, since childhood
• Influencers and mentors
• Education and training
• Jobs
• Churches we've attended or where we've had membership
• Small groups (work, church, community)
• Volunteer ops
• Things we tried that failed
• Things we tried that flew
• Things that we took over from someone else
• Things others took over from us
• Etc.

Our lives are full and rich, whoever we are. Let's devote this one life, each of us, to the Father of lights, in whom there is no shadow of turning. The only other choice is to let the-one-who-destroys bring "wonderful us" to ruin.

Read more:

*The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. Psalm 27:1-5 NIV

* Psalm 4; Genesis 5; Matthew 2:13-23

*With many dreams come vanities and a multitude of words; but fear God. Ecclesiastes 5:7

Lord, who will not fear and glorify your name? For you alone are holy. Revelation 15:4

Moravian Prayer: God, the world is so enticing to us - we want to taste everything. Our minds are cluttered with desire. You alone are worthy of our desire and worship. Today we devote ourselves wholly to you. Amen.