COMFORT: Day 1 with my accountability group

At Hasty Lake road, an old haunt - a final visit

This is the first of four days with my accountability group. We're on our final retreat together before two of us move away in June.

Twenty years ago, God brought us four together to hold each other accountable to pursue a relationship with himself - and each other. What a ride it's been!

Comfort. That's the word that sprang to mind yesterday as we rolled up the driveway to the house perched on a spit outside Penn Cove. This Coupeville rental is surrounded by water on three sides. It's darling - decorated to the hilt with sea treasures and themes.

Why is our group special to each of us?

Leaning in: at the gates
of the house where we stayed for 12 years

The kitchen view, early this morning

Breakfast counsel and conversation

1. We formed to journey together, with strict boundaries of confidentiality. These women know me almost as well as my husband does - and better in some areas than he.
2. We are all married to our original husbands. The oldest has been married 50 years. I'm the youngster with a mere 36 years of marriage.
3. Our ages span 15 years. That means we have a pacesetter to say, "This is what's coming." We observe culture and faith from different perspectives.
4. We are reasonably fit and in good health. Each of us exercises and tries to eat wisely. We are still mobile and active.
5. Our children have matured over 20 years. When we started, our youngest kids were in kindergarten. Now, the oldest are in their late 40s. We spiritual "aunties" have prayed them through their challenges in growing up, health issues, getting married, and having their own children.
6. We are all hospitable. So we've had 20 years of fantastic meals together. At one point, we considered scaling back to minimize preparation as we hosted in our homes. Nope - we couldn't do it and the beautiful table-settings and delicious menus continued.
7. Our group is a priority. The first 15 years we met every 3 weeks, with 2 weekend retreats a year. In recent years, we're all traveling so much that we meet less frequently - and we don't always schedule retreats. But these women are at the heart and soul of every other interaction - we've knocked a few rough edges off each other, cautioned each other when we became unbalanced, and prayed and counseled when we were confused or in transition.

A relaxing lunch overlooking the ocean

I am so grateful - and comfortable - with these women. They've become true friends of the heart over 20 years. For anyone who has no safe group for sharing the joys, triumphs, and traumas of your journey with Jesus, I'd say, take the risk. What could be more helpful than consistent, trusted perspectives and encouragement?

All I can think as I relax with these three proven friends, is, "Thanks be to God for his wonderful gifts! Love you, Patti, Phyllis, and Willy."

Things they say you'll love

Here's a list of what we were told will be fun about this last year at home:

1. Dreaming the future. God will put new things in your hearts and fill your mind with ideas. 
2. Meeting people who will shape you. God will build new relationships that broaden your scope of possibilities, spiritually, intellectually, physically, and emotionally.
3. Resizing life. Shedding the past will open doors for now and what is yet to come.
4. Fundraising. It's meeting friends who support God's call and "go along with you" with prayer and resources.
5. Being inspired by others. In unexpected times and ways, people come alongside to encourage, support, and share their experiences.
6. Inspiring others. Who knows who, young and old, will engage in Kingdom service because of our own excitement about - get this - God's call on "old people" like us?

We've found it's all is true. We're excited, thrilled, and anticipating the move to Indonesia next June.

Yet it's not just fun. It's hard work, this alignment with the call of God within the shape of our personalities and backgrounds. There have been a lot of smiles, a few tears, some heated discussions, and many brainstorming sessions with friends and colleagues.

We appreciate every prayer and every contribution - words, hugs, construction help, those who've rehomed our stuff, money toward the mission, and commitments to come alongside when we go. God's goodness shines through you - and we are SOOOO grateful to Him ... and to you.

Read more:
* I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2 NEV

*A king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not delivered by his great strength. Psalm 33:16 NEV

*Whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant. Mark 10:43 ESV

Moravian Prayer: Creator God, it is only in service to you that we can truly be great. Help us to serve those in need and be the arm of your salvation. Act through our service in mighty ways just as you did when you created this world. Amen.

*From CS Lewis in The Great Divorce: I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find that what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) has not been lost: that the kernel of what he was really seeking even in his most depraved wishes will be there, beyond expectation, waiting for him in ‘the High Countries’. In that sense it will be true for those who have completed the journey (and for no others) to say that good is every- thing and Heaven everywhere. But we, at this end of the road, must not try to anticipate that retrospective vision. If we do, we are likely to embrace the false and disastrous converse and fancy that everything is good and everywhere is Heaven.

But what, you ask, of earth? Earth, I think, will not be found by anyone to be in the end a very distinct place. I think earth, if chosen instead of Heaven, will turn out to have been, all along, only a region in Hell: and earth, if put second to Heaven, to have been from the beginning a part of Heaven itself.

Who is your Barbara?

Dr. Barbara Cavaness (R) and another of my
mentors: Dr. Deborah Gill, signing their
joint book, God’s Women: Then and Now
(Grace and Truth, 2009)

I just hung up the phone with one of my main mission mentors. When I went back to school last time, one name kept popping up from different sources, both male and female. Barbara Cavaness-Parks had written a defining dissertation on the attrition of single female missionaries in the Assemblies of God. (She'd studied why there were fewer women in AG missions in the 1990s than in early years.)

When I was in Springfield, I'd try to connect with Barbara. We'd have lunch and she'd ask, "What can I help you with?" I didn't know. I wanted to hear about her career in missions, what she knew about life overseas, her research, and fill in gaps in what I was learning and writing. When we'd shake hands or hug at the end, she'd say, "Well, I don't know that anything I've told you has been useful."

I'd drive away thinking, "Aha, after talking to Barbara, I know this and this. Also, I didn't know anything about that."

Barbara pulled me away from things that were already explored to researching what still was waiting to be written. She loaned me her file drawers of research (which I somehow messed up in the process. Sorry, dear friend!)

Plus, she was just plain interesting! I liked her. I felt honored that she took time for me.

This morning Barbara called me after reading about our plans to move to Indonesia. Who knew!? Once again she is my trailblazer and mentor, pulling W and me toward the plans God has for us:

• She did language school in Bandung and worked in Indonesia for two terms as a single missionary. We think we're headed for Bandung.
• When she married, she was designated the primary missionary spouse in AGWM records, as I will be.
• She learned Bahasa Indonesia and gave me tips on how the language is structured.
• She advised me on teaching the Research Methodology course I'm teaching in Singapore this summer...

From Real Simple

And on and on it goes. You can't make up that kind of relationship, which delves into the broad picture and specific details of God at work. Only God can bring it together.

Thank you, Barbara, for your willingness to invest in me as part of God's kingdom. I am grateful - and always surprised - at God's intentionality and goodness in bringing us together.

Who is your "Barbara?" Who do you meet here and there, who is God's voice and God's hands when you're in the thralls of change? Please share him or her with our readers!

Read more:
*Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you. Hosea 10:12 NIV

*The Lord filled Zion with justice and righteousness; he will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. Isaiah 33:5-6 NLT

*From his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16 NLT

Moravian Prayer: Almighty God, we live in a time of great instability. We do not understand why people around the world must struggle with poverty, illness, famine, violence, and hatred. Trusting in your abundant and gracious wisdom, show us what we can do to right the world’s wrongs. Amen.

A hopeful day indeed

Six of us sit around a table at Third Place Commons this morning. Our table is a cross-sawn log, an enormous tree felled in its prime. We rest our cups and saucers and sandwich plates on the resin tabletop and discuss relationships, ministry, and future plans.

Our hour together includes sharing our lives and dreams, introductions to new ministries and resources, prayer for each other, and a banana muffin and tea from the Honey Bear Bakery. All it takes is the simple intentionality of meeting in time and place to be able to share direction and celebrate our wins together.

The sun's out on this hopeful day. It's time for a walk to think and pray about Sunday's sermon at Neighborhood Church. I'm grateful for peers in ministry who encourage, coach, and release me to the calling of God.

What do your friends and coworkers contribute to your hopeful days?

Read more:
*You shall meditate on the book of the law day and night, so that you may be careful to act in accordance with all that is written in it. Joshua 1:8 NLT

*They did not conquer the land with their swords; it was not their own strong arm that gave them victory. It was your right hand and strong arm and the blinding light from your face that helped them, for you loved them. You are my King and my God. You command victories for Israel. Only by your power can we push back our enemies; only in your name can we trample our foes.

I do not trust in my bow; I do not count on my sword to save me. You are the one who gives us victory over our enemies; you disgrace those who hate us. O God, we give glory to you all day long and constantly praise your name." Psalm 44:3–8 NLT

*Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.” Matthew 7:21 NLT

*... That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe. 1 Timothy 4:9-10 NIV

Moravian Prayer: Happy are those who follow God’s commandments, who obey him with all their heart! Help us, Lord, to live righteous lives. Teach us the Father’s will that we may please him. We ask this in your sacred name. Amen.

What to do when you're not your mother (or your father)

I like pretty things. There. I admit it. That's no surprise to those who know me. I get that from my mom.

Growing up, I tried to be like my mom and like the things my mother liked in clothes, decor, and social interactions. Yet I consistently fought off things that were feminine and frilly. I was impatient with her attention to detail. It's still not my style to dress up and put on makeup, though it's become my habit (after a lecture from women I trust: "Your makeup isn't for you. It's for those of us who have to look at you all day long." Ha ha. I got the point.)

I eventually gave up and realized I'm not my mom. I've learned a lot from her but I'm more like Dad. That's not a bad thing, eh, Dad? But once in a while - even today - I wish I were more like my mother.

Classic 1960s French roll

My mom kept her house in perfect order. She still works like a slave to dust and cook and clean. She actually likes doing laundry and finds ironing soothing. She's kept Dad's clothes spotless and pressed so he looks sharp. (Sure, once in a while he escapes in his flannel plaid shirts to his workshop.)

Mom dressed up. Always. Her hair was twisted in a French bun, immaculately held in place by a few bobby pins and hairspray. We all wore our "Sunday best" to go to the doctor's or dentist. Mom attired my brothers in little suits for church. She sewed amazing dresses for me, many of which I disliked because the colors and patterns didn't feel good to me. Even then, I knew what I liked, right, Mom?

I look at those photos of us as a family, beautifully decked out in the current fashions - and admire my mom. She has classic taste with her own chic twist. She was always in style, trendy and fashionable in minis in her 30s and early 40s. (Those were the 1970s, after all.) And she has classic beauty today, in her 70s.

I'm as happy in jeans and ugly sweatshirts as I am dressed to the nines. (Maybe happier.) I don't care much if my hair is cooperating or not. I cut it myself in the shower, where I can feel the wet shape I'm sculpting. I look in the mirror in the morning and hope for the best thereafter, ignoring the huge mirrors throughout my home and office that reflect light and space.

I've wished I were more like my mother when I've given in to my natural inclination and find myself ignored by customer service: "She's plain." To me, "What do you want?" Yup, it makes a difference to show up fully armed for retail with makeup and decent clothes.

My mom's special on the inside, too. She loves God and seeks to follow him closely. She's friendly, kind, and a caring servant. SHE has the gift of mercy and not an enemy in the world, the peacemaker in her family and among her confidants.

Me? Not so much. I often ask myself, "What would Mom do?" when I feel like rushing into war with a battle cry, as is my inclination. Ok, I admit I'm not always good at asking that ... and find myself and others bloodied around me. Lord have mercy!

How can we benefit from knowing others with admirable traits that we don't have ... without becoming envious or feeling belittled?

1. Keep admiring. You become what you behold. (Or you get closer, anyway.)
2. Thank God for that person and pray for them. That way you add to their strength rather than comparing yourself unfavorably.
3. Learn every lesson you can. Imitate the good in others to grow stronger yourself.
4. Believe and rejoice in a God who loves variety. He made me different than Mom "because you have a different job to do," as she's told me more than once.
5. Live as yourself. God lavished his loving creativity on us; we have unique abilities, experiences, and momentum to live large and beautifully in our own life and space.
6. Look around to see who you can boost, people like you and not like you.

 Who's your hero? Whom do you admire?

Mom, you're definitely high on my list. Love you! and I still want to be like you, even in my 50s.

Read more:
*When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 18:9-13

*Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me. For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church. 1 Corinthians 4:15-17

*... our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. 1 Thessalonians 1:5-7

Day 26: Thankful for good direction

"I heard you say ... but can you explain how your plan moves you toward that goal?" she asked me.

"Ummmm. I'm not sure it does." = Time to backtrack and rethink.

Jodi Detrich was one of several who have coached my academic and spiritual direction in the past few years. Tillie Porter sent daily verses for meditation. Such spiritual directors pinpoint strengths and weaknesses, how things fit together as we are growing in faith. They nudge (and sometimes push) us forward.

Mentors and friends like Jim and Jeannie Lowell, Joy Qualls, and Barbara Houger, who had completed doctorates, encouraged me to keep going:

• "This experience is part of the academic process. Don't be discouraged."
• "We also felt overwhelmed and muddled in the beginning. Things become clearer. Keep moving."
• "Don't give up. Find out what the committee wants and write to that."
• And one that I really appreciated: "The goal is not perfection but finished."

Along the way, my life mandate has become clearer. I've had many opportunities to connect people to relationships and resources.

I will write. I will teach. And whatever the next job is––should there be one––though the job description may include exchanging facts and information, it must include helping others to find the answer to these questions:

• "What has God called you to do?
• "Who are you willing to be––and what are you willing to do––to fulfill that calling?" 

 Then,

• "How can we get you there?"
• "What barriers can we remove?"
• "Who do we know who could help? inform? make a path for you to get there?" (BTW: Alumni, ministers, and missionary cohorts are awesome circles of connections. My warmest thanks to alums and fellow students for everyone you've boosted when I sent them your way!)

I love to encourage others to move past fear, worldview barriers, and self-limitations to embrace their calling. It thrills me to watch someone plunge with all their might into the future while living fully in the day. I can hardly breathe for joy when I see others find the balance of worship, work, and play, no matter what their career path holds. After all, the point of life is not outward riches but the inner wealth of a life in harmony with its design and the Designer.

Thanks especially to those who continue to help me find the path God has marked out for me. The question came up yesterday three times, "Now what? What are you going to do with this degree?"

My answer?
Don't know.
Not worried.
Looking forward to it.

Life is good because God is great.

Read more:

*As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? The Lord lives! Blessed be my Rock! Let the God of my salvation be exalted. Psalm 18:30-31, 46 NKJV

*May your eyes be open toward this temple night and day, this place of which you said, "My name shall be there." 1 Kings 8:29

*Jesus said, "Do not make my Father's house a house of merchandise!" John 2:16 (NKJV)

Moravian Prayer: We give thanks, O God, for the church that has nurtured us, helped us to grow in faith, supported us with its love and accepted us when we are rejected by others. The church has been your hands and your heart to us and has accepted us with all our hypocrisies, doubts, and fears. Amen.