What's up, Coach?

Have you ever felt "stuck" in place? Had dreams or goals without moving forward? Did you see a need and didn't know how to make a difference?

Me too! I spent four hours this week, coaching and being coached. My coaches started our hour with: "Rosemarie, what would you like to talk about today?" They gently directed questions to make me pause, think about my vision for work or ministry, and help me commit to moving forward through specific "I will do this" action steps.

Coaching is a great venue for sorting what we know. It helps us design a future that from our vantage point may look like,

• "I wonder if I could try something."
• "I wish I could do ..." 
• "Oh no, what now? Where do I go from here?"
• "If I could run this past someone, it might become clearer."
• Wondered if you're headed in a direction that is true to your values, talents, or skills?

Mentoring brings another person's experience or knowledge to help you, but coaching unlocks your own thinking and preferred processes. It helps you choose your own "next steps" to walk - at your own pace. It guides you through ideas and actions that may not be on your horizon yet - or that you might overlook without someone "thinking alongside" you. Coaches help you build accountability to keep you on track, too.

Coaches meet their clients in person, on the phone, on Skype ... whatever suits the client best. Many coaches prefer an hour online or on the phone since it keeps coach and client on task and time.

I'm working toward coach certification and need some coaching hours. As your coach, I'll ask questions and reflect back what you're thinking. But the conversation belongs to you. Together, we'll listen to God's voice and direction, speaking through your heart and your mind. Every conversation is strictly confidential. "Payment" can include anything from my $35/hr fee to a traded service to cup of tea (or reciprocal coaching by another coach). First session is free for the first 15 clients.

Interested? Email me (click here) if you might benefit from coaching. Include two "best dates" where you can set aside an uninterrupted hour. (Likely, one will fit my calendar.)

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*One day King Abimelech came from Gerar with his adviser, Ahuzzath, and also Phicol, his army commander. 'Why have you come here?' Isaac asked. 'You obviously hate me, since you kicked me off your land.'

They replied, 'We can plainly see that the LORD is with you. So we want to enter into a sworn treaty with you. Let's make a covenant. Swear that you will not harm us, just as we have never troubled you. We have always treated you well, and we sent you away from us in peace. And now look how the LORD has blessed you!' Genesis 26:26–29 NLT

*My heart, O God, is steadfast. I will sing and make music with all my soul. Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. Psalm 108:1-5 NIV

*Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. Let your good spirit lead me on a level path. Psalm 143:10 NLT

*Yes, and from ancient days I am he. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it? Isaiah 43:13 NIV

 *Christ himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17 NLT

*Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings; for it is well for the heart to be strengthened by grace. Hebrews 13:9 NLT

Moravian Prayer: God of past, present, and future; things temporal and eternal; everlasting life and daily living: for all time you have held all things together - what decision, then, could we make without your instruction? Help us not to separate your authority from matters we enjoy ruling for ourselves.

O Word who doesn’t fit on a page, we sometimes use scripture to fit our agendas. Forgive us for cheapening the complexities of your nature and your way by considering only the verses that serve our aim. Let your Spirit lead us to a deeper study of scripture. Amen.

It's my fault. Really.

Check out more cartoons at
Cathy Thorne's site.
http://www.everydaypeoplecartoons.com

"Rosemarie, you are not a victim. It's your choice how you live." Sitting on the piano bench next to me, Dr. Jack Rozell undercut my excuses for a habitual indulgence that made me feel trapped and awful.

I remembered Pastor Jack's comments, listening to an excellent presentation on taking responsibility for our actions. (Click to watch the 2 minute video by Dave Martin). Martin ties the judgement of God to personal accountability. In other words, God could not judge us if he hasn't given us the ability to make choices about how we live and think. The fact that we can make decisions means we're not mere victims of circumstances.

Check out more cartoons at
Cathy Thorne's site.
http://www.everydaypeoplecartoons.com

Bad things happen to us but WE choose our responses. Evil is all around but we can live in God's goodness. Shall we forgive and release our souls to freedom? Do we move forward or live in the past? Will we choose others' good over selfishness? Are we replacing unhealthy habits with healthy ones? It's up to us.

Of course, we must depend on God for the strength to accomplish our goals. We seek His wisdom to make decisions. And we are grateful for every day where he covers us with his provision of new life.

Remember, if you're living in the past or choked up by a bad decision, you get to decide whether to stay frozen by fear or regrets ... or move forward. Choose well!

“The problem that we have with a victim mentality
is that we forget to see the blessings of the day.
Because of this, our spirit is poisoned instead of nourished. ...

"Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality,
your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have
NEVER gotten you even a single step closer to your
goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense.
Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better
and go EARN it! Today is a new day!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

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*(Thanks, Tillie!) I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
 
He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore. Psalm 121 NIV

*As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person" Proverbs 27:19 NLT

*Isaiah said, “Woe is me! I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips.” Isaiah 6:5

*Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

Moravian Prayer: Holy Father, thank you for another day in your vineyard. Anoint our lips to speak words that are pleasing to your ears and uplifting to all those we encounter this day. Amen.

(Plan and) Build carefully!

Ever felt like you started forward with a great idea, only to watch it get buried under a deluge of unexpected complications? Felt like a torrent of problems was sweeping away your previously smooth operation?

Flooding in the centre of Bradford-on-Avon,
near Bristol, stops work on this UK construction site

Above is a real-life example. England recently experienced a spate of flooding. BBC photographers snapped a construction site under water. The architects, builders, and planners did their part and started the project in good faith. Looking at the water swirling over their hard work is daunting.

Surely, this was an unexpected twist to a project that was doing well. How on earth could one regain ground after such a catastrophe? I bet the contractor and architect will meet with City Council to discuss the flood zone. Does one rethink plans for this low-lying area? Redo the buildings' foundations to make sure they don't wash away in the next overflow? Or clean up and carry on?

It's easy to be enthusiastic when thinking of possibilities. "Idea People" get frustrated with apparent naysayers who insist on working out all the details before they proceed. On the other hand, cautious managers want answers before their team leaps into action, no matter how wonderful the proposal. How do you work with opposing views? And how can you recover from catastrophic interruptions?

1. Every gate we enter represents increased freedom or restriction. You can rarely go back to where you were, whether that's a safe or risky place. Choices today open new possibilities and burn bridges behind us. However, status quo (doing nothing) is usually more dangerous and unfulfilling than alertness and motion. Only dead and weak fish let the current take them without a fight.
2.  Consider the past as well as the future. How have we proven ourselves. Are we

• optimists ("Everything will work out,")
• painstaking researchers ("Who knows what will happen unless we think it through?"), or
• project managers ("What steps need to be taken for success?") 
• Has your intuition pushed you into greatness or caused injury? 
• Has your wariness saved you from harm or caused stagnation? 
• How does that affect your future decisions?

3. Diversify the team so gifts of vision,  detailed record-keeping, and implementation provide balance.

• Jumpers: be willing to think before you jump. Partner with someone who is careful and will help you think about the cliff you're about to tackle. (You'll begin to understand the ramifications beyond the initial leap.)
• Bookkeepers: be willing to carefully consider how an idea could revolutionize the world as you know it.  (You'll expand your repertoire of possibilities and skills.)
• Implementers: be willing to compromise on the process when you're working with someone who has proven success. Partnering with people who have great ideas, energy, and enthusiasm keeps you current. It changes life to an adventure rather than offering boring routines on a secure treadmill. (You'll help keep those visionaries focused, make the accountants happy, and round out your CV with new accomplishments.)

4. Evaluate. We must be willing to take off our blinders to see what's really happening before and during a project.

• Have we taken proper precautions? 
• Are we tipping into a danger zone?
• Are we stalling a really good idea because of fear? 
• Burying progress under rules and technicalities?

5. Pour heart and soul into the decision. Once we (individually or as a team) decide to move ahead, we commit to doing our best. That way, we move with skilled efforts, regardless of the outcome.

6. Recognize that success and failure are two sides of the same coin. When we've done our best, whether we get accolades for an outstanding win or have to start from the beginning, every attempt teaches us something. Don't get so scared that you never try anything again!

7. At the end of an idea (whether it dies or comes to life), consider the next step. Is this a winner that needs to explode into broader possibilities? Did you scrape through by the skin of your teeth so it's time to end here? Did you lose the shirt off your back? Ask, what lessons did we learn? What skills did we acquire? On a team, who is weak and who is strong? Whom can we count on and who let us down?

And then be willing to ask, "WHAT'S NEXT?" as you wait for God to bring his creative and meticulous direction, working in the world ... through you.

How to advance

On our trip to Israel, we traversed miles of desert (virtually no rainfall) and wilderness (minimal rainfall that permits scrub and some grasses to grow). Israel is dry. dry. and more dry.

Our tour guide explained, "Before the current irrigation, inhabitants were utterly dependent on God for rain. The farmer would sow precious seed from grain needed to feed his family. If the rains didn't come at the right time, he and his family would starve. Israelites plead with God and pagans performed their rituals at sowing and harvest seasons for sufficient rain."One year might be abundant. The next could be devastating. It all depended on rain.

Likewise, war-craft developed slowly and unevenly. The Philistines, relatives of the great Greek sailors, had metalworking skills long before Israel did, giving them an advantage in battle. Egypt and Babylon had well-developed armies and threatened to overrun Israel and Judah, time after time.

Asa begins well

This morning, I read the story of Asa (2 Chronicles 14-16). He started strong, depending on God for his country's survival. Even when the odds were overwhelming, he went to God for help. Except...

...when he was old and experienced.

Asa's country was besieged by Israel's army after he had ruled 36 years. For some inexplicable reason, he didn't ask God's intervention like he had in the past. With a history of miraculous provision, of overcoming annihilation by enemy troops, and a peaceful reign attributed to God's favor, Asa requested help from neighboring Damascus instead of from God.

God sent the prophet Hanani to ask what Asa was thinking. Instead of repenting, Asa got angry and punished the prophet. Thereafter, Asa also oppressed his people. He went from being a successful king who followed God to becoming an oppressor who followed himself and human wisdom and desires.

What I learned from Asa's story:

1. Our accomplishments are rooted in God's favor. Good seasons are cause for worship and thanksgiving to God.
2. God gives success to those who cry out to him when life seems impossible. God is strong enough when we cannot find a way forward. When the odds are against us, God knows how to direct life so we can survive and thrive.
3. God responds to our prayers. When we encounter opportunities and crises throughout life, God gives those who ask him wisdom and supernatural resources--in good times and bad.
4. God responds to our decisions with blessings for obedience and difficulties for idolatry. You may "have fun" sinning but you won't live an abundant life. You hurt those around you by aligning against God's love and justice: all of Judah suffered when Asa walked away from what he knew was right.
5. Though God warns us, he allows us to listen or reject his advice. All of us have suffered because of others' bad choices. 

Typical landscape in Israel

When we seek God, he promises to make our paths straight. It might be unclear to me whether to take one job or another, whether to move or stay put in a house, or whether or not to invest in one company or another.

Yet I can choose as best I can among such "minor details" of life. The principles of scripture demand integrity, allegiance to a holy God, and alignment with biblical principles. When I live that way, God can bless me in any job, house, or company.

So how to we advance through life? 

• We must choose to follow God with all our hearts, as best as we can understand. From START to FINISH and everywhere between.
• We listen to wise counsel and accept rebukes or commendations that God sends.
• And we constantly realign to do what is right rather than merely what is in our own interests.

Then--and only then--God promises we will finish as well as we started.

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*Thus far the Lord has helped us. 1 Samuel 7:12

*At that time Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah and said to him, “Because you have relied on the king of Aram and have not relied on the Lord your God, therefore the army of the king of Aram has escaped out of your hand. Were not the Ethiopians and the Lubim an immense army with very many chariots and horsemen? Yet because you relied on the Lord, He delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. You have acted foolishly in this. Indeed, from now on you will surely have wars.”

Then Asa was angry with the seer and put him in prison, for he was enraged at him for this. And Asa oppressed some of the people at the same time. In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa became diseased in his feet. His disease was severe, yet even in his disease he did not seek the Lord, but the physicians. 2 Chronicles 16:7-10, 12

*[God says] “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV

*The Lord stood by me and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed. 2 Timothy 4:17

Moravian Prayer: You are with us always—guiding, comforting and challenging us to continue our journey with and to you. May our steps today bring us closer to you. We pause before you now in gratitude and supplication. Amen.

How-to: Become part of decision-making at work

"Get to be part of the meeting-before-the-meeting," Stan told me. "Before we even get into the room, our boss has decided the agenda and what's going to be done."

My background of discussion and collaboration means I love the push and pull of a team, manipulating ideas and possibilities before coming to a decision. I'm happy with consensus, even if the decision reached by the group is not my first choice. I instinctively resist pronouncements by top-down controllers who impose their will on others.

I've been in opposite types of meetings. At the first type, like the one after which Stan explained the apparent deafness of the leader to others' ideas, the decisions have been made and the group simply affirms the boss's wishes. At the second, team members function in their strengths and giftings, bringing all their information and experience to guide the direction of the company or church.

The first kind of decision-making -- dictatorial or hierarchical --  is quicker and more efficient in the short-term. The second kind -- consensus reached by a well-functioning group -- produces holistic planning that is broader and deeper and anticipates the future.

The first results in head-down worker bees who are afraid to stand out in case they get knocked around. The second produces a company culture of "I want to help" and possibility-thinking.

If you're in a strong hierarchy, (typical in most offices and easier for a boss to manage,) how do you influence the decisions before their pronouncement?

1. Listen carefully for the boss's values and note his or her goals. Match your own goals to theirs and point out your accomplishments in light of the leader's targets. If you become a trusted achiever, the boss may invite you into the loop of her decision making ... or just leave you alone to accomplish your goals.

2. Examine where the leader meets with others.

• Does the boss live only in her office? 
• Does he frequent a coffee shop or conference room before meetings?
• If the guys are walking down the hall when a question comes up, the team leader may instinctively point out a favored solution. It's a done deal for those privy to the conversation. 
• The gals may be refreshing their makeup at the bathroom sink when an issue comes up. "Call so-and-so and do this..." says the woman in charge. And the decision is made without men's input.

You can't do much about such impromptu cause and effect besides bringing the boss' attention to the implications for the rest of the team. BUT you can plan to be around if there's a clear pattern of interaction. As Stan told me, most decisions are made through casual interactions between (not at) formal meetings.

3. Is there an insider culture? Do office influencers golf, craft, hunt, attend the same church or club, or eat lunch together in the company cafeteria? Consider ways you can become included in those interactions.

4. Are there a select few who have the ear of the boss? Befriending them may get your ideas on the table. I managed my department at one company through interaction with the leader's friends. They claimed my best ideas as their own and I got my work done. Note: If you intend to climb the corporate ladder in such a culture, document your ideas before presenting them so you can reclaim them as your own.

5. Reverence God and stand for what is right. Trust Him to make your path straight.

Biblical examples point out that influence happens close to the powers that be. How have you found this to be true?

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*When [King David] crossed over to Gilgal, Kimham crossed with him. All the troops of Judah and half the troops of Israel had taken the king over.

Soon all the men of Israel were coming to the king and saying to him, “Why did our brothers, the men of Judah, steal the king away and bring him and his household across the Jordan, together with all his men?”

All the men of Judah answered the men of Israel, “We did this because the king is closely related to us. Why are you angry about it? Have we eaten any of the king’s provisions? Have we taken anything for ourselves?”

Then the men of Israel answered the men of Judah, “We have ten shares in the king; so we have a greater claim on David than you have. Why then do you treat us with contempt? Weren’t we the first to speak of bringing back our king?”

But the men of Judah pressed their claims even more forcefully than the men of Israel. 2 Samuel 19:40-43 NIV

*But I, by your great mercy, will come into your house in reverence will I bow down toward your holy temple. Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies—make straight your way before me. Psalm 5:7-8 NIV

*Their houses will be turned over to others, together with their fields and their wives, when I stretch out my hand against those who live in the land,” declares the Lord. “From the least to the greatest, all are greedy for gain; prophets and priests alike, all practice deceit. They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. ‘Peace, peace,’ they say, when there is no peace. Jeremiah 6:12-14 NIV

*Paul wrote: I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

Moravian Prayer: Compassionate God, we come to you with both sadness and joy. We are filled with sadness by the many ways that we fall short: by our hard-heartedness and by unhealthy self-preoccupation. Yet we are filled with joy, because we trust you will complete your work within us by your mercy and grace. Strengthen us! Amen.

Living in real time

Today I'm deciding if I graduate in April of 2012 or 2013.

Actually, I'm setting in place the pieces that would help me decide, so I'm not engulfed by details one way or the other In October when graduation requests are due. Emily's blog has given me reassurance for riding the surge of normalcy I have been feeling. "Go for it, with freedom that comes from seeking God," she calls to us all.

In the thick of last winter and spring, depressed, overwhelmed, sick from grey skies, drizzle, and cool dampness, I couldn't focus on studies. When I looked at research, I swam through a fog where none of it made sense or stuck in my head, flailing in a churning tide where ideas refused to fall into written data. The resistance was so great, both inside and outside, that I put off the decision about graduation. It was a great relief to say, "Maybe, we'll see," rather than, "I plan to be done in 2012."

It's time to plan as though the future is more open than I thought last winter. I have to harness the good and energy for the year ahead during these days of physical light, when summer's given us a warm week of sunshine, when my body feels alert and coming back to life, when possibility again seems possible...

Yeah, I have SADs, like my grandma did. She told us every February that this was her last year, that she was sure to be dying soon... every February for over 20 years. This winter, I'm putting the SADs light on a 6 hour timer from October through June. My body has to pretend it's nice out, though my mind knows Seattle will close in like every year with its dark cold.

At the end of summer, my office feels like a safe lively place to work, rather than like an obligation to sit myself down for another day of failure. In the logic of yesterday's sunshine, I can think about where to stay when I do research in Missouri, which advisers to meet in October, and which books to re-read while my head is clear.

We only have the choice to live today. This hour. This minute. I'm not thinking of time as a clock, though the West couches time as a pace through the the hours.

I'm thinking of time and timelessness, the flow of eternity, into our lifetimes, and beyond again. There's no crisis about encountering a segment of time. Eventually, God's timelessness embraces us after death. Real time means walking life through with prayerful best intentions, good information, and one foot in front of the other in the world and our interior life. The minute or hour may include intense concentration, relaxed solitude, scheduling the future, or planning a project.

But this time, this real time, is all God gives us. Now. One minute, one hour, one day... after another until our days are done.

I don't know what challenges face you today. Your issues - joyful or dreaded - may be with health, finances, relationships, or other things.

Today I know that whether or not 2012 turns out to be my year for graduation or slogging through more pages, God is faithful. I'm still alive, the sun has shone in Seattle for a whole week of warm weather, and the future rests firmly in his hands. Let's commit everything to him, to see what he will be for us, and what He will do in and around us.

Thanks be to God.

Read more:

*But Moses pleaded with the LORD, "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled."

Then the LORD asked Moses, "Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD?Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say."

But Moses again pleaded, "Lord, please! Send anyone else."

Then the LORD became angry with Moses. "All right," he said. "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he speaks well. And look! He is on his way to meet you now. He will be delighted to see you. Talk to him, and put the words in his mouth. I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do. Aaron will be your spokesman to the people. He will be your mouthpiece, and you will stand in the place of God for him, telling him what to say. And take your shepherd's staff with you, and use it to perform the miraculous signs I have shown you."

Before Moses left Midian, the Lord said to him, "Return to Egypt, for all those who wanted to kill you have died." So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey, and headed back to the land of Egypt. In his hand he carried the staff of God.

And the LORD told Moses, "When you arrive back in Egypt, go to Pharaoh and perform all the miracles I have empowered you to do. But I will harden his heart so he will refuse to let the people go." Exodus 4:10–21 NLT

*Now the Lord had said to Aaron, "Go out into the wilderness to meet Moses." So Aaron went and met Moses at the mountain of God, and he embraced him. Moses then told Aaron everything the Lord had commanded him to say. And he told him about the miraculous signs the Lord had commanded him to perform." Exodus 4:27–28 NLT

*Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV