Bragging rights

Achieving a goal brings a mixed bag of responses. Sometimes the feedback is hard to negotiate. Here are few my friends and I have have encountered in the past decade:

1. Sincere congratulations. Your friend is happy for you. A coworker or colleague (who understands the cost of reaching the goal) gives you a heads up. Cool. Say "Thank you!" and invite them to the celebration.
2. Wise-cracking asides. Your friend jokes about your accomplishment. Negotiating this is harder. Are they wondering how to say, "We're proud of you," or envying your success? A shrug, smile, and "Thanks," works if you're not fast with a humorous comeback.
3. Name-calling. This takes various forms, from the sincerely congratulatory to the snide put-down to wondering if you've changed and become an arrogant poop. I've heard many versions of "Hey, doctor!" since finishing my degree. I occasionally find this one hard to respond to (especially outside of academic circles.) Yes, I'm glad I finished. I've earned the right to the title. But it can't and won't define all the other parts of me. Usually I say thanks and move to a topic more interesting to the group.
4. Envious comments. "Wish I could do that but I'm too old (fat/tired/broke, etc.)," or "I'd never get that far," or "If only I had ... I could also ..." As a motivator and mentor, I think to myself, "Don't compare yourself, but do your own thing. If you don't move toward what you love, you'll be stuck here in 10 or 20 years."
5. Judging remarks. A few will judge your attitude based on their character. "She thinks she's better now," or "Don't let it go to your head," or "He probably doesn't want to hang around with us anymore." Some people need reassurance that you still think they're important. Others feel put down and left behind. My response is this: if they don't want me alongside, I don't push it. Walk away.
6. Silence. When someone is publicly acknowledged, published, or praised, those aspiring to fame say nothing. Plus, not everyone likes you.

"Little-hearts" or "hate-you" bystanders rarely say, "Job well done" or "Congratulations." They pretend you never received the honor. They refuse to promote you when openings or resources become available.

Be big about such slights. Withholding a "well done" hides a stingy spirit and sometimes self-absorption or a prideful "humility." Don't expect acknowledgement.

In contrast, you and I may choose to show up and to do better. Let's note when others do well and be connectors and encouragers. Every effort and every accomplishment happens because of God's love and power at work -- opening doors, giving strength, or clearing a path. Underlying our personal praise for others lies the recognition of God's glory. He is pleased to dwell among us.

When you set out for a goal, look for those who will cheer you -- and sometimes drag you -- across the finish line. When you're done, celebrate with them. They'll be happy for you and tell how proud they are of you to anyone who will listen.


Above all, listen closely to see how you're aligned with God's plans. Won't it be amazing to hear him brag about us some day? To hear him say, "Let me introduce My servant and My child. Look at what we accomplished together!"

Read more:
 *I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; before the “gods” I will sing your praise. I will bow down toward your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. Psalm 138:1-3 NIV

*This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 9:23-24 NIV

*But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:4-10 NIV
 

Puff puff, she thinks she can she thinks she can

Mmm. Who knew pistachios, almonds, and chocolate chips tasted so good together? I'm taking a tea and snack break from editing the dissertation.

What great help I got this weekend! Several friends and expert writers sent back their comments on the intro, which was limping along. Others helped clarify the chapters.

One gentle soul worried that I would be offended at her note, of "What the heck is this?" (She put it much more politely.) No worries. I am SO ready to finish this project; every willing eye and knowledgeable critic gets kudos rather than kicks from me.

God reminded me today how important the various gifts are, in his Body. I've been grinding through this dissertation since the chapters started to form in October. Being so close to the research, I need outside readers to point out my mistakes, unclear meanings, and obscure wording.

It feels like the end is within reach, though I have three more editors to please between this week and "The End" of it all = my advisor, my formatting editor, and my copy editor. I'm not sure I can meet my deadline to send the dissertation for formatting on Friday, but it won't be because I didn't try.

I've always heard that spouses are just as happy as the graduate. It was true for me when W finished at Gloucester. I suspect "relief" will express only a teeny part of his emotions, since both of us are really really really ready to be done. (I know; in scholarly writing you rarely use really.)

The question people continue to ask is, "What will you do after you're finished?" After five years of study, God has given me a small inkling about what this is for. But it's not set in stone. I've learned perseverance. To organize my writing. To find out what I dislike. And that I love writing.

Hmmm. What will I be doing after it's handed in and defended? I expect that will become clear in time. (Maybe God will give me the summer off. Maybe I'll be doing crazy prep for something else.) Meanwhile, Waldemar's helping me sort edits and post-grad options. Thanks, hon.

Ok, break's over. That means it's time to banish myself to the tub to do another read-through.

Read more:

*Watchword for the Week - Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. Psalm 147:5

*To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:1-5 NIV 

*On that day the root of Jesse shall stand as a signal to the peoples; the nations shall inquire of him. Isaiah 11:10

*Paul wrote: If you, a wild olive shoot, were grafted in to share the rich root of the olive tree, do not boast over the branches. If you do boast, remember that it is not you that support the root, but the root that supports you. Romans 11:17-18

*Isaiah 40:21-31; Psalm 147:1-11,20c; 1 Corinthians 9:16-23; Mark 1:29-39


Moravian Prayer: God, today we gather to sing our alleluias to you. On this our day of worship, we acknowledge that it is not us but Jesus Christ who made it all possible through his love to each of us. Help us to stand together as a living branch extended from that love. Amen. 

Living in real time

Today I'm deciding if I graduate in April of 2012 or 2013.

Actually, I'm setting in place the pieces that would help me decide, so I'm not engulfed by details one way or the other In October when graduation requests are due. Emily's blog has given me reassurance for riding the surge of normalcy I have been feeling. "Go for it, with freedom that comes from seeking God," she calls to us all.

In the thick of last winter and spring, depressed, overwhelmed, sick from grey skies, drizzle, and cool dampness, I couldn't focus on studies. When I looked at research, I swam through a fog where none of it made sense or stuck in my head, flailing in a churning tide where ideas refused to fall into written data. The resistance was so great, both inside and outside, that I put off the decision about graduation. It was a great relief to say, "Maybe, we'll see," rather than, "I plan to be done in 2012."

It's time to plan as though the future is more open than I thought last winter. I have to harness the good and energy for the year ahead during these days of physical light, when summer's given us a warm week of sunshine, when my body feels alert and coming back to life, when possibility again seems possible...

Yeah, I have SADs, like my grandma did. She told us every February that this was her last year, that she was sure to be dying soon... every February for over 20 years. This winter, I'm putting the SADs light on a 6 hour timer from October through June. My body has to pretend it's nice out, though my mind knows Seattle will close in like every year with its dark cold.

At the end of summer, my office feels like a safe lively place to work, rather than like an obligation to sit myself down for another day of failure. In the logic of yesterday's sunshine, I can think about where to stay when I do research in Missouri, which advisers to meet in October, and which books to re-read while my head is clear.

We only have the choice to live today. This hour. This minute. I'm not thinking of time as a clock, though the West couches time as a pace through the the hours.

I'm thinking of time and timelessness, the flow of eternity, into our lifetimes, and beyond again. There's no crisis about encountering a segment of time. Eventually, God's timelessness embraces us after death. Real time means walking life through with prayerful best intentions, good information, and one foot in front of the other in the world and our interior life. The minute or hour may include intense concentration, relaxed solitude, scheduling the future, or planning a project.

But this time, this real time, is all God gives us. Now. One minute, one hour, one day... after another until our days are done.

I don't know what challenges face you today. Your issues - joyful or dreaded - may be with health, finances, relationships, or other things.

Today I know that whether or not 2012 turns out to be my year for graduation or slogging through more pages, God is faithful. I'm still alive, the sun has shone in Seattle for a whole week of warm weather, and the future rests firmly in his hands. Let's commit everything to him, to see what he will be for us, and what He will do in and around us.

Thanks be to God.

Read more:

*But Moses pleaded with the LORD, "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled."

Then the LORD asked Moses, "Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD?Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say."

But Moses again pleaded, "Lord, please! Send anyone else."

Then the LORD became angry with Moses. "All right," he said. "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he speaks well. And look! He is on his way to meet you now. He will be delighted to see you. Talk to him, and put the words in his mouth. I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do. Aaron will be your spokesman to the people. He will be your mouthpiece, and you will stand in the place of God for him, telling him what to say. And take your shepherd's staff with you, and use it to perform the miraculous signs I have shown you."

Before Moses left Midian, the Lord said to him, "Return to Egypt, for all those who wanted to kill you have died." So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey, and headed back to the land of Egypt. In his hand he carried the staff of God.

And the LORD told Moses, "When you arrive back in Egypt, go to Pharaoh and perform all the miracles I have empowered you to do. But I will harden his heart so he will refuse to let the people go." Exodus 4:10–21 NLT

*Now the Lord had said to Aaron, "Go out into the wilderness to meet Moses." So Aaron went and met Moses at the mountain of God, and he embraced him. Moses then told Aaron everything the Lord had commanded him to say. And he told him about the miraculous signs the Lord had commanded him to perform." Exodus 4:27–28 NLT

*Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV