God of the night

In my 20s and 30s, I tried to be thankful and open to God. I often heard people say, "I'm so grateful for dark days and difficulties. I was scooting through life without thinking about God, but trials have made me aware of His provisions and his presence." I read about "the dark night of the soul" and wonderful saintly experiences of God-with-us during torture and martyrdom.

So I reasoned, "Why invite (or tempt) the coming trials? I want to know and appreciate God in good times so that I never wonder if the ugly days are punishment for my inattention when times were good." After all, I grew up in a holiness church where God rewarded your good behavior with good things and smacked your disobedience with pain worse than Job's.

Since our daughter became ill, we prayed our way through many nights. We sought God's face and depended on His strength for each day. We've found no medical solutions and God has not healed her. We've spent weeks at her bedside, wondering at the pain she endures and God's "heartlessness" at her suffering. I honestly don't feel very grateful during those times or when I see others suffer. I rejoice that God stays close and life is short.

Sometimes I've prayed, "This too is from your hands. You alone could help, yet you choose not to. Give us contentment and endurance in suffering."

I've pleaded, "Hope You know what You're doing. We're in the dark when You are supposed to be the God of Light. If there's 'no shadow of turning' in You, why do we feel like You've turned away?"

Or wept, "Enough already, don't You think?"

Watching reports of famines and floods, or sitting at a hospital bedside, I've even prayed, "Glad You haven't allowed it to be worse. Why don't You just kill us all now. Heaven will be relief from this misery."

The cry of a mother's heart (when I think our child can't bear another surgery or painful day or I can't absorb reports of others' traumas) isn't very rational. It's heartfelt though it may not sound very respectful to outsiders.

God hears us and understands human despair. Jesus prayed, "If it's possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not my will but thine be done..." If the Son could hardly bear his cross, why would we think it's going to be easy for us?

Others go through "far worse" than we have. However, comparing pain is impossible. If you're in pain, you hurt regardless of what others feel.

I've always known God cares and will get us through the night. However, that doesn't make life easier though the process of loss and grief is simpler: I'm more resigned to human helplessness. I'm quicker to acknowledge, "Here we go again. You're still enough for the day. Whether we live or die, we live or die to You."

I may never look forward to pain as exhilarating closeness with God: "Thank you, God, for what I know about you now. You are more faithful, more wonderful, and greater than I knew." As I age, I seem to have more doubts about God's will to intervene rather than more faith in his desire to rescue His children. I'm more aware of the brokenness of the world and the stamina of humanity. While He is GREAT, He does not keep the storms from breaking down the house. Life seems more incomprehensible than ever.

Especially, I am amazed that people who never think about God in good times have the nerve to blame him for those awful days when you want to rip out your heart and throw it on the sidewalk to say, "Enough. I give up."

This I am sure of: during the bright days, let's celebrate the gifts of sunshine and beauty. I don't want to wait to seek God in times when we're at dead ends or become mired in tunnels of darkness.

Knowing God is Good and that we have received many blessings from His hands helps us to claim Job's confidence: "The Lord GIVES and he takes away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord." I'm grateful for so many things.

Especially, I'm glad our daughter is coming home for Christmas 2012 without a surgery planned. Though she suffers greatly in Seattle weather, we'll be together. We don't know what the future holds for her or us, but we know Who holds the future.

Read more:

*Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. Deuteronomy 7:9 NIV

*The word of the Lord is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness. Psalm 33:4

*[Jesus said,] "At that time you won't need to ask me for anything. I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name. You haven't done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy." John 16:23–24 NLT

*Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written. John 21:25 NLT

*By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised. Hebrews 11:11 (NASB)

Moravian Prayer: Steadfast God, we strive to believe but pray for help in our unbelief! Move close to us on those days when we do not feel your presence. We claim your promise that you will be with us to the end. Strengthen our faith. Amen.

Sorry from a distance

The American East Coast is being pummeled by Storm Sandy. In Burma, thousands of refugees have fled sectarian fighting. In Africa, radical Muslims have brought havoc to Sudan and Mali. Indian Hindus and Islamists decimate villages and kill people who disagree with them.

Here on the West Coast, we watch reports of possible tsunamis in Hawaii, sitting in a comfy chair. We see photos of flooded streets in New York, dry, rested, and fully powered up. We gaze at the dark rainy landscape that is October in Seattle through windows, from warm rooms. We read news of world dangers with the light of a computer screen shining on our well-fed faces.

Our sense of security is temporary and our control of circumstances an illusion but we normally react in three ways to others' traumas:

1. We ignore everything outside our own experience. Life revolves around us and our comforts or discomforts.
2. We become fearful that the world is only awful and dangerous, waiting to spiral out of control. Life seems dark and unsafe: God can't be trusted because He allows terrors, wars, and sickness. Though we may not follow God ourselves, we blame Him for bad decisions by governments or individuals, the spread of illness, and religious decisions that produce famine, deprivation, and violence. After all (outside of our own free will, which we don't want Him to touch), isn't God responsible for the world?
3. We respond with prayer, care, and help for others. Jesus sorrowed with those who mourned and healed the sick. He took time out for the hurting and helpless. We have many opportunities to support those who go even when we cannot go to help. Choose prayerfully where and when to engage but don't ignore the needs around us, even from a distance.

What's your choice today?

Read more:
*He spoke and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm. Psalm 33:9

*The Lord has proclaimed to the end of the earth: Say to daughter Zion, “See, your salvation comes.” Isaiah 62:11

*Jesus said to the deaf man, “Ephphatha,” that is, “Be opened.” And immediately his ears were opened, his tongue was released, and he spoke plainly. Mark 7:34-35

*Christ was destined before the foundation of the world, but was revealed at the end of the ages for your sake. 1 Peter 1:20

Moravian Prayer: Worship, honor, glory, blessing—you are worthy to receive! Great Creator and great Healer, we thank you for the gift of life. Open our ears and enable us to speak plainly the words of love and grace you would have us share with others.

 Holy Christ, you are the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. In you we find consolation, salvation and joy. We pause now to thank you for your graciousness and pray for a daily sense of gratitude. In Christ’s name. Amen.

Monday madness

After a day off, I hate Mondays. Chaos strikes! though it's always unpredictable what the extra work will entail before I can get to my studies. This week, I'm in hardcore study mode for an exam Wednesday, so I'm ready to hop to it.

Except. Nope. This morning, the dogs have pooped in their crate, so instead of sending them out to potty and getting to work, I have to clean the crate, toss the crate bedding in the laundry, and shower the dogs. I leave one animal outside while I carry the first up and wash him. Then I carry the second up for warm, soapy "punishment." Good thing they don't mind grooming, because I'm mad enough to give them a vigorous cleaning and towel-drying. They shake and run off down the hall, happy to be clean. Restart the washer. (I forgot. Dog towels get washed with dog bedding.)

A friend is bringing lunch for Kirsten, but when I go into the kitchen to grab tea and breakfast, the dirty tablecloth is still on the table from Sunday lunch, the counter is greasy, and there are assorted items lying around. Another half hour... gone.

It's so good to be under the care of the Creator of Time. Christian theology says God can redeem every part of our past, present and future. Nothing is wasted, but this morning feels pretty close.

Monday mornings remind me that not even a minute belongs to me. I relinquish the Sabbath to God, trusting him for rest. Then it's Monday again. Outa control. I think, "I wish I had worked harder on Sunday, etc." Then I tell myself, don't go there. The tablecloth may have been washed and returned to the table, the counters may have gleamed, but something would have been lost in the process. What that would be––besides a lack of unexpected chores––is unclear this morning!

I appreciate the balance of scripture, and reading the prayer below, I whisper, "Thank you God, because you are in control (I'm obviously not!) and everything will go as you have purposed. I will have time enough to pass (or fail), but it won't be because I didn't try my best."

Lord have mercy. On the challenges of your day and mine.

Read more:
*We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone." Psalm 33:20–22

*You brought up my life from the Pit, O Lord my God. Jonah 2:6

*Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the foremost. 1 Timothy 1:15

Moravian Prayer: The Gospel is your gift, O Savior - the good news of your deliverance from despair. We are astonished that you do this for us who often fail to be faithful to you. We give you thanks throughout this day. Amen.