Lent Day 36: Anticipation and dread

Dreaming of good things

I sometimes get the shivers when people say, "I've asked God to give me patience (a kind heart / the ability to love everyone / endurance in trials, etc.)"

Now how exactly do we expect to acquire those - or other - virtues? Is God more likely to answer through magical impartation or by guiding us through deep waters and hard times?

"The fruit of the Spirit is learned by interaction within a community, not in isolation," W said the other day. In other words, when someone frustrates us, we learn to forgive rather than retaliate. We wait rather than barging ahead. We speak kindly rather than responding in anger. Ouch ouch ouch, this process of becoming like Jesus. Sometimes it hurts.

Have you ever thought about the many selfish requests we disguise as spiritual prayers? We pray for good things, but we may just want to look good = patient, joy-filled, loving, and peaceful. However, do we expect to pay the price to achieve genuine character? "Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of lights, in whom there is no shadow of turning." That's certain, but we forget that each gift is exercised with the darkness pressing in. Given to us where we're dancing in the shadows that swirl around humanity.

Casting off for distant shores

Here's an honest personal reflection as we prepare for a new season: when we're asked if we're excited about moving to Indonesia, I admit to mixed feelings. So many cool things await us: meeting new people, sharing the love of Jesus, and living in new surroundings. Tempering my anticipation are other realities, like the reports from every church planter we've met. (They've said it's been harder than expected. To a person, they admit that they have almost quit many times.) Also, every cross-cultural worker talks about culture shock - of feeling out of place among the unspoken rules and customs everyone else seems to understand. We'll feel the cross some times more than others.

Reality is sometimes even crueler than anticipation. This week I think about how Jesus knew he was going to the cross. He warned his disciples that he would be crucified. But he still had to sweat drops of blood, the agony of "no other way" as he wrestling with his destiny in the garden of Gethsemane. He still had to endure the whipping, the spittle, the mocking laughter of Roman guards, and the shrieks of his fellow Jews demanding his death. The weight of the cross dragged on his bloody back. The nails stamped through his hands and feet. The thud of the cross resounded as it dropped into its holder. Jesus endured hours of pain while bystanders shouted curses and his mother cried nearby.

Expected. Harder than expected.

The world is beautiful because of Him

And oh so worthwhile. The salvation of the world depended on him then. For us, he suffered through pain and sin and sorrows.

W and I are becoming part of a long tradition - people who tell the Story here and there, sharing God's hopes for reconciliation with his creatures. We are not especially adventurous or courageous. Others have been fiercer, more zealous, more ambitious. We know we join a mission already in progress, doing our part along with a host of others. We feel lucky to be called. Blessed to be going. Grateful to be giving. After all, it's God's tale of grace and inclusion that we're sharing.

But this week of the cross, oh this Holy Week that I dread each year because of Christ's suffering -- this last time we will joyfully celebrate Easter at home with family ... Ah, my heart is full and there are no more words.

Read more:

*All look to you to give them their food in due season; when you give to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are filled with good things. Psalm 104:27-28

*But now, this is what the Lord says- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire,     you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:1-3 NIV

*God has not left himself without a witness in doing good—giving you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, and filling you with food and your hearts with joy." Acts14:17

*And being found in human form, Jesus humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death— even death on a cross. Philippians 2:7,8

*Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures. 1 Corinthians 15:1, 3, 4

Do not take the word of truth utterly out of my mouth. Psalm 119:43

The crowds that went ahead of him and that followed were shouting, "Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest heaven!" Matthew 21:9

Moravian Prayer: Loving Savior, your entry into Jerusalem was showered with, "Hosanna! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord!" May our lives continue to shower you with hosannas—you are most blessed. 

Lord, giver of every good and perfect gift, we thank you. May we be your witness for good, helping those in need, bringing joy into their lives, and filling them with your love. Amen.

Lent Day 34: Thankful for sorrows

Jacopo Tintoretto - The Ascent to Calvary

I'm reading the familiar passage of Jesus wounded for us. The last week of Lent is coming and I'll be reading the gospels at least once more before Easter. I am astonished again by the love of Christ, his perseverance, and his focus on his Father's pleasure. No matter how intense the pressure to get distracted, no matter how oblivious his followers to his warnings of the cross ahead ... Jesus kept moving toward the cross.

If we had no sorrows or pains to bear, would we be as grateful that He paid the debt and lifted the burden of sin and hurt from us?

A speaker at NU reported on the view of China's government officials, that the United States was blessed because it followed Christian principles. They see the decline of America as a consequence of abandoning those values.

Yet we seem blind. We are full. So sated with our perception of "the good life" that we forget the Man of Sorrows. We are surprised and angry at any grief or hardship.

Outsiders often see what a culture misses. May we return to the cross and its wealth of pain and suffering this week––with grateful hearts that love God and love others as ourselves, no matter what the circumstances.Read more:

*He is despised and rejected by men,  

A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;

He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs

And carried our sorrows;

Yet we esteemed Him stricken,

Smitten by God, and afflicted.

But He was wounded for our transgressions,

He was bruised for our iniquities;

The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,

And by His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:3-5 NKJV

*Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Psalm 105:3

*Why do you look for the living among the dead? Luke 24:5 

Moravian Prayer: Blessed Savior, hear our prayer of rejoicing for your gift of the promise of new life. Let us learn to trust in your path and lighten our hearts with joy. In Christ's name we pray. Amen. 

God of the night

In my 20s and 30s, I tried to be thankful and open to God. I often heard people say, "I'm so grateful for dark days and difficulties. I was scooting through life without thinking about God, but trials have made me aware of His provisions and his presence." I read about "the dark night of the soul" and wonderful saintly experiences of God-with-us during torture and martyrdom.

So I reasoned, "Why invite (or tempt) the coming trials? I want to know and appreciate God in good times so that I never wonder if the ugly days are punishment for my inattention when times were good." After all, I grew up in a holiness church where God rewarded your good behavior with good things and smacked your disobedience with pain worse than Job's.

Since our daughter became ill, we prayed our way through many nights. We sought God's face and depended on His strength for each day. We've found no medical solutions and God has not healed her. We've spent weeks at her bedside, wondering at the pain she endures and God's "heartlessness" at her suffering. I honestly don't feel very grateful during those times or when I see others suffer. I rejoice that God stays close and life is short.

Sometimes I've prayed, "This too is from your hands. You alone could help, yet you choose not to. Give us contentment and endurance in suffering."

I've pleaded, "Hope You know what You're doing. We're in the dark when You are supposed to be the God of Light. If there's 'no shadow of turning' in You, why do we feel like You've turned away?"

Or wept, "Enough already, don't You think?"

Watching reports of famines and floods, or sitting at a hospital bedside, I've even prayed, "Glad You haven't allowed it to be worse. Why don't You just kill us all now. Heaven will be relief from this misery."

The cry of a mother's heart (when I think our child can't bear another surgery or painful day or I can't absorb reports of others' traumas) isn't very rational. It's heartfelt though it may not sound very respectful to outsiders.

God hears us and understands human despair. Jesus prayed, "If it's possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not my will but thine be done..." If the Son could hardly bear his cross, why would we think it's going to be easy for us?

Others go through "far worse" than we have. However, comparing pain is impossible. If you're in pain, you hurt regardless of what others feel.

I've always known God cares and will get us through the night. However, that doesn't make life easier though the process of loss and grief is simpler: I'm more resigned to human helplessness. I'm quicker to acknowledge, "Here we go again. You're still enough for the day. Whether we live or die, we live or die to You."

I may never look forward to pain as exhilarating closeness with God: "Thank you, God, for what I know about you now. You are more faithful, more wonderful, and greater than I knew." As I age, I seem to have more doubts about God's will to intervene rather than more faith in his desire to rescue His children. I'm more aware of the brokenness of the world and the stamina of humanity. While He is GREAT, He does not keep the storms from breaking down the house. Life seems more incomprehensible than ever.

Especially, I am amazed that people who never think about God in good times have the nerve to blame him for those awful days when you want to rip out your heart and throw it on the sidewalk to say, "Enough. I give up."

This I am sure of: during the bright days, let's celebrate the gifts of sunshine and beauty. I don't want to wait to seek God in times when we're at dead ends or become mired in tunnels of darkness.

Knowing God is Good and that we have received many blessings from His hands helps us to claim Job's confidence: "The Lord GIVES and he takes away. Blessed be the Name of the Lord." I'm grateful for so many things.

Especially, I'm glad our daughter is coming home for Christmas 2012 without a surgery planned. Though she suffers greatly in Seattle weather, we'll be together. We don't know what the future holds for her or us, but we know Who holds the future.

Read more:

*Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. Deuteronomy 7:9 NIV

*The word of the Lord is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness. Psalm 33:4

*[Jesus said,] "At that time you won't need to ask me for anything. I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name. You haven't done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy." John 16:23–24 NLT

*Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written. John 21:25 NLT

*By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised. Hebrews 11:11 (NASB)

Moravian Prayer: Steadfast God, we strive to believe but pray for help in our unbelief! Move close to us on those days when we do not feel your presence. We claim your promise that you will be with us to the end. Strengthen our faith. Amen.

Lent Day 4: Thankful to be forsaken

"I feel so alone."

"It feels like no one cares about me."

We've all said (and heard) those words. The cry of Jesus on the cross, "My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me?" echoes our hurts and feelings of abandonment.

I am thankful today that God experienced all the pain of humanity and humiliation. Christ, God and man, knows the depths of our despair and the heights of our joys.

Jews, hearing Jesus call out, would have known the entire Psalm 22 - (read more below), in which his expressions of loneliness and his anguished tears balance with abandon to God's will and assurance of His triumph. Like our Savior, let us rest in God's goodness, which reveals itself as most abundant when we feel most helpless.

Read more:

*I rejoice in your salvation. 1 Samuel 2:1 (NASB)

*My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the one Israel praises. In you our ancestors put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by everyone, despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. “He trusts in the LORD,” they say, “let the LORD rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him.”

Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help. Many bulls surround me; strong bulls of Bashan encircle me. Roaring lions that tear their prey open their mouths wide against me. I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted within me. My mouth is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircles me; they pierce my hands and my feet. All my bones are on display; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my clothes among them and cast lots for my garment.

But you, LORD, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me. Deliver me from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs. Rescue me from the mouth of the lions; save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you. You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel! For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help. From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly; before those who fear you I will fulfill my vows.

The poor will eat and be satisfied; those who seek the LORD will praise him— may your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations. All the rich of the earth will feast and worship; all who go down to the dust will kneel before him— those who cannot keep themselves alive. Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim his righteousness, declaring to a people yet unborn: He has done it! Psalm 22

*When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene. She went and told those who had been with him and who were mourning and weeping. Mark 16:9,10

Moravian Prayer: Precious Lord, we rejoice with the angels and the disciples in the salvation of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who died for our sins and was raised as King of kings. Amen.

Sunshine and shadow

With grateful hearts we embrace the new day. Kirsten made it through the surgery yesterday; the doc said they did less work than expected. She faces another repair in a few months because the surgeon said it was too risky to do all the procedures at the same time.

We are thankful for skilled medical teams and hospitals with dedicated caring staff. That's the sunny part.

Some of the shadow is the illness that continues to rob our daughter of joint after joint.

The biggest part of the shadow for me as a Christian is believing God put all the diseases and illnesses of humanity on Jesus at the cross... yet that seems to do little practical good. People continue to suffer in spite of prayers and pleas to God for help.

I keep throwing responsibility for our daughter on God, who is her heavenly father. He alone can arrest the progress of her arthritis. If he chooses to make her endure this, we are thankful for his presence and must trust him to do what is right.

This morning, under a cloudy sky, my prayers for help mingle with thanksgiving. A few "if only"s mingle with a hearty, "Thank you for helping yesterday."

• If only... God would touch Kirsten and heal her whole system
• if only... she would never have to have another operation
• if only... sickness would be gone from our friends, our families, and those we don't know
• if only... people would have access to good care when they need it, without being nickel-and-dime-d to death by insurance (IF they have insurance)
• if only...

and "Thank you."

• Thanks for another day
• thanks for scriptures promising God alongside in the valley of the shadows, whether illness, deprivation, or other traumas
• thanks for friends and family who pray and are faithful companions on the journey
• thanks for warm shelter and plentiful food
• thanks for death, when we go to be with Christ and all the garbage of this life will be a distant memory
• thanks...

 Read more:

*Psalm 140:1-5 Amos 6,7; Revelation 9:12-21

*The Lord rewards everyone for his righteousness and his faithfulness. 1 Samuel 26:23

*Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9 (NIV)

The Moravian prayer for today: Heavenly Provider, thank you for the seeds of hope, faith, and love you have planted within us. Just as the gardener tends to tender plants, may this season of Advent nourish our souls so that we may share our bounty. Amen.

The terror of a call

Many people aspire to teach or preach or stand on a platform of importance. "Be careful," Paul warned. "If you have a position, God holds you accountable in added measure."

Jeremiah's call was more awful than that. About to embark on a lifetime of telling people God's thoughts and judgments, God buttressed him up with words we use to pacify people who are feeling troubled. Our salve for the weary began as God's iron backbone for difficult ministry. Unlike many of us, Jeremiah had no confidence in his ability or maturity for the task ahead:

The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” 

“Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.” 

But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 1:4-8 NIV)

When Jeremiah agreed to go in God's name, he did not know the risks, the life-threatening obstacles, and the sheer meanness of his people. We would say he followed his call in faith, trusting God to take care of him. 

Reading Jeremiah a few times the past year, I want to shout a caution to him as he embarks: "It's a worse ministry than you know. Are you sure you want to do this? No one will believe you. You will suffer! You'll doubt yourself and God. Are you very, very sure about your call?" 

We quote many verses from Jeremiah as platitudes. For example, the prophet said, "When you pass through the waters, you will not drown." But he didn't say it to people about to undergo surgery or looking for a new house. His nation wasn't merely experiencing financial set-backs or a bad year of harvest. No - they were about to be dragged into captivity by a vicious conqueror. Many would die, starve, and be raped or tortured. Yet God said he would keep a remnant for himself.

It's probably correct to apply those verses to our difficulties. However, we must recognize that the greater context of most promises is God's ability to do as he pleases. He carries out his purposes and does what he intends, no matter how devastating the circumstances to humanity. He will be in control when our country loses its identity to war, when famine claims the few survivors, and families are torn apart in death and displacement. 

The promises seem greatest when the hardships are overwhelming. When saying yes to God's call, we need to remember that the prophet is rarely welcomed with a message of bad news. It doesn't matter how many reassurances he or she offers alongside the truth.

The prison of our fears

Speaker and author Carol Kent shared the devastation that followed "life-without-parole" sentencing for her only son. 

"A parent's worst nightmare," she described it. When she finished, she told us, "You can tell me your stories, but please don't say my pain is much worse than yours. Pain is pain is pain, whether that is from illness, financial trouble, or other traumas."

Afterward I talked to our daughter. Kirsten said people often told her that they felt badly for her, "and though we are suffering, we can't imagine going through what you do." (She has severe juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.)

"No one has to go through what I do," said Kirsten. "Everyone has their own pain. There's no comparison between experiences."

Comparing the weight of humanity and downplaying our own suffering sends a clear message to someone in the middle of devastation. "Our hurts are bad, but yours is definitely worse. We feel so sorry for you..."

Such a statement of "comfort" carries the implication that if something even more horrid happens to someone else, this suffering is less than the other person's. Yet, how can we measure the brokenness and hurts? What kind of increment or tool could show the physical, emotional, or spiritual toll of stress, worry, or grief?

"Everyone's cross is shaped to their own back," says my mother, who has gone through many sorrows and trials. She is wise, after watching life go by.

Though not everyone is behind physical prison bars, many of us inhabit a prison of our fears. We worry that life will be too difficult, that good times may not last, or that we are not strong enough to survive the future.

Only God is able to sustain us. "Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares for you," said the apostle. And, "Think on good things, and be thankful. And God's peace will surround you beyond your understanding." Such inner resilience and trust springs our prison gates open so we walk in freedom, no matter what our circumstances.

Lent Day 13: If he had faltered even once...

I am reposing this with permission from Kevin. I couldn't say it better. More of Kevin's poetry at Desiring God Blog (click link below).

If He Had Faltered Even Once

Desiring God Blog

A poem to ponder during Lent:

They spit upon His meekness, 
And struck Him in the face. 
Their floggers swung with hatred; 
They stripped Him in disgrace. 
Deep worked the Roman anger 
That tortured Him, a Jew; 
Yet this His contemplation: 
“They know not what they do.” 

His people cheered “Hosanna,” 
Then had Him crucified. 
They freed corrupt Barabbas; 
To sentence Him, they lied. 
He hung outside their city, 
Where leaders mocked Him too; 
Yet this, the hurt He carried: 
“I would have gathered you.” 

No angels came to help Him 
When Heaven on Him fell. 
The Devil tried to reach Him 
Through ev’ry lie in hell. 
Unthinkable the anguish 
As Father crushed the Son, 
Yet this His firm conviction: 
“Thy will, not mine, be done.”

No selfishness, no hatred, 
No spitefulness was there. 
No unbelief, no cursing, 
No pity from despair. 
One sinful thought; one failure, 
And Love would not succeed. 
The ransomed souls of hist’ry 
Must His perfection plead. 

If He had faltered even once, 
In flames of hell would men abide. 
Then ponder Christ, and praise at length 
The strength of Him there crucified.

               -- K. Hartnett, May 2007
Kevin comments:

I wrote this one backwards, i.e. having the idea for the last four lines before writing the rest.  Verse one highlights Christ's physical sufferings; verse two, His emotional/mental and verse three, His spiritual.  The colossal irony that the very men who tempted Him to failure were among those He died in perfection to save captures my imagination - and praise.

Kevin Hartnett works for NASA at the Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland, overseeing the science operations activities of the mission. He was selected in 2003 from a thousand candidates as the “Poet of the Year” by the Fellowship of Christian Poets.

Read more:
But now, this is what the LORD says—
   he who created you, Jacob,
   he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
   the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
---------------------
Isaiah 43:1-3A     NIV