Developing mature conversation

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked me. "Up to anything?" It was a passing conversation. We didn't know each other well.

"Doing fine. How about you?" I answered.

In contrast, a friend and I talked this morning about personal things and what's going on in our families and friendship circles. We ran out of time before "talking ministry" but we'll get there, maybe next visit. Our hour of interaction flew by. We have some catching up to do, though we read each others' blogs and stay in touch via FB or email.

How do you go from fluffy, inconsequential chit-chat to mature conversation that can "say anything" to a trusted friend?

1. Fill your life with wisdom, reading scripture and hearing God's instruction. Hang out with wise mentors and reliable characters.
2. Start light and exercise discernment. Don't spill your guts to every passerby or "cast pearls before swine." Other people won't take you seriously or trust you if your words are indiscreet.
3. Listen to others' conversations. How do people you respect speak? What do they say? What would they never say? Imitate the wise and respected.
4. Build on friendships and collegiality: which ones have proved trustworthy and have begun to share their lives with you?
5. Pray about who can be trusted and watch how people handle their friends' confidences and secrets. 
6. Tell something safe but private. Ask the person to keep it between you. If it comes back "around the gossip bench," ask your confidant if they shared with others. If so, don't share again, especially if there is no remorse or if the exposure was a deliberate "slip of the tongue." They can't be trusted.
7. Keep other people's secrets to yourself. Gossip is saying something about a person that you wouldn't say if they were standing next to you. Sure, go ahead, brag on others' "job well done." Boost them in conversation with others. But unless it's immoral or illegal (or dangerous to the situation), guard others' weaknesses and failures.

Jesus told his closest friends many secrets about God and himself. But he kept himself apart from those who weren't trustworthy. He was friendly but not exposed to everyone. Maturity comes from following his example.

Read more:

*In the path of your judgments, O Lord, we wait for you. Isaiah 26:8

*When we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world. 1 Corinthians 11:32

*Yet when I am among mature believers, I do speak with words of wisdom, but not the kind of wisdom that belongs to this world or to the rulers of this world, who are soon forgotten.

No, the wisdom we speak of is the mystery of God—his plan that was previously hidden, even though he made it for our ultimate glory before the world began. But the rulers of this world have not understood it; if they had, they would not have crucified our glorious Lord. That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.”

But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets. 1 Corinthians 2:6-10 NLT
Moravian Prayer: When you see fit to judge us, God, help us to remember your love and grace. Call to our minds the redemptive purposes of your discipline and the promise of eternal life. Thank you for training us so we shall forever be your children. Amen.

I know nothing!

Ever wished you knew less than you do?

When W pastored, we agreed that he would tell me only things that concerned me. That gave me freedom to chat with everyone in the foyer or on the phone, ignorant of church politics and gossip.

We spent a wonderful season at another church that seemed to be in great shape. "Dear God, please don't let me know what's going on behind the scenes," I prayed when we arrived.

Sadly, we soon found out more than we wanted to know. It confirmed that knowing less is usually better, and that every person in the pew or behind the pulpit is broken and fallible.

Some of us think we know more than we do. A friend recently remarked how obviously arrogance and humility showed up in graduate-level papers he was grading. The humble? "Those still learning." The arrogant?  "Those who think they know everything about the subject."

At the end of this degree––probably the end of my formal education––I admit that I know less than ever. My narrow focus of study is clearer but the world got bigger and smarter while I was buried in paper and blinded by my computer screen. The best scholars know they are further ahead in some ways and much farther behind than when they started.

Scripture promises us the illumination we need. Thank God!


Read more:

*The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom. Proverbs 15:33

*One generation shall laud your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. Psalm 145:4

*The blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he cured them. But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the amazing things that he did, and heard the children crying out in the temple, "Hosanna to the Son of David," they became angry. Matthew 21:14-15 

*Anyone who claims to know something does not yet have the necessary knowledge; but anyone who loves God is known by him. 1 Corinthians 8:2-3

Moravian Prayer: Father, you know us and love us still. Grant us the courage to serve you and the wisdom to choose your path.

Gentle Physician who cures the blind and lame, we give praise and honor to you. We magnify your name by telling the world of your works. Help us to serve you by serving others in your name. Amen.

Humility or humiliation?

Have you ever been called on the carpet for boasting or self-aggrandizement? It's utterly humiliating.

I once passed along an effusive note of thanks that came to me but belonged to someone else. The person was away from the office so I left it on the admin's desk. Later, that person lambasted me for puffing up my accomplishments by  the note.

"You know our office did that work," s/he said. "Why did you think we'd want your 'thank you' for what we did? You're always trying to be noticed."

EEEEEEk! I felt like crawling away with embarrassment. What had just happened?

I quickly explained that the 'thank you' belonged to others. The note landed on my desk because of a personal connection to the writer in another context. Since the "thanks" didn't belong to me, I'd scribbled, "This is for you," across the envelope and passed it on. The person apologized and we shook hands.

What a contrast between humility and humiliation. Humiliation tears down. I felt shamed because of the assumption that I'd brag about a job well done (and not even my job at that.)

As I walked back to my office, I asked God about the nasty surprise. The meeting exposed an ugly thing, my apparent pride about doing good work. It also broke trust with someone I'd admired, yet who'd felt I would accept credit that was due elsewhere. What had that person heard or seen to make such an assumption?

I worked harder and tried to be wiser. My job involved public speaking and presence so I couldn't remain in the background even if I wanted to. Thereafter I remained guarded at the company and only passed along kudos face-to-face.

Unlike humiliation, humility rests on the foundation of God's sufficiency, his pleasure in how he made us, and his guidance to our vocations. Humility is the ongoing recognition that we––and others––are fallible and incomplete without God's help.

Humility acknowledges that we work for God rather than others. Whether we are praised or humiliated, Christian stewardship demands persistence and honing of skills so that our craft improves and is more and more useful where God employs us. The way we throw ourselves fully into the task at hand demonstrates our gratefulness for God's abundance in giving us a job and providing our needs.

Nearly all of us have a similar story to tell. How has God used humiliation to produce in you godly humility and wisdom?

Read more:

*I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands and call on your name. Psalm 63:4

*The very essence of your words is truth; all your just regulations will stand forever. I rejoice in your word   like one who discovers a great treasure. Those who love your instructions have great peace and do not stumble." Psalm 119:160, 162, 165 NLT 


*I will pray with the spirit, but I will pray with the mind also; I will sing praise with the spirit, but I will sing praise with the mind also. 1 Corinthians 14:15

Moravian Prayer: Father, we pray to you with our hearts, minds and spirits. Hear our prayers and lead us as we share your story with those around us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

The hard conversations

Have you ever had to confront the past in order to move forward? It can be scary.

I had two difficult conversations this week. Both brought up memories of failure and uncompleted tasks. However, I laid to rest my obligations to be honest about the past with leaders. Thankfully, now it's time to move on.

When we fail, watch a collapse or dissolution despite our hard efforts, get fired from a job, or are prevented from fully using our gifts at work or church, we feel frustrated. Afraid. We may be hurt or disappointed. Grief may overwhelm us when we touch the wounded place.

But slapping a bandage on instead of doing a biopsy may allow the cancer to embitter us against future effectiveness.

Each experience of success or defeat can be a lesson. Wiping the brow and walking away with, "Oh well, glad that's over. Let's move on," doesn't help us. Without a careful examination of the failure, we are no wiser. We remain vulnerable to similar mistakes and blind to our own gifts and weaknesses.

Some of us make assumptions about our strengths. We're not as good at some things as we thought, and a wipe-out shows us that a different ministry or job would be a better fit. Or we're too aggressive in a gifting, overwhelming others and defeating teamwork. We ignore the choppy waves in our wake or blame others.

Some of us make assumptions about our weaknesses. We assume responsibility for failure when someone else may have blocked us from using our gifts. We fear that we are not enough to fulfill God's purposes.

And we're too afraid to ask others to confront us and hold us accountable for failures and successes.

Hey, here's good news. God likes you. He likes me. He actually made us as we are so that we can carry out his own plans. When we fall flat, we must ask others to help us scrutinize what happened. People of integrity are not ashamed to tell the truth about my part in failure ... or yours. I love friends who will honestly point our weaknesses as well as praise and nurture strengths.

Once we know about where we've come from, we can jump into the future with confidence and the release of the past. God's forgiveness and the accumulation of wisdom makes it possible.

What hard conversations do you have to have with yourself and others before you are released into full bloom in the future?

Read more:

*Can mortals be righteous before God? Can human beings be pure before
their Maker? Job 4:17

*The teaching of your word gives light, so even the simple can understand." Psalm 119:130

*The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever. Psalm 145:17-21 NIV

*Jesus Christ gave himself for us that he might redeem us from all iniquity and purify for himself a people of his own who are zealous for good deeds. Titus 2:14

Moravian Prayer: Gracious Savior, refresh and purify our hearts and minds to lead us to service in your name. Remind us gently that humility, not hubris is the path to serving you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Spiritual smarts

"Just getting straight-A's doesn't mean you'll be successful."

Some people are book-smart. Others, people-smart. Others can be administratively gifted, good with finances, or have an eye for design.

Joseph in the Bible is an interesting character. Here's part of his story. The country's ruler had asked him to interpret two troubling dreams:

"It is beyond my power to do this," Joseph replied. "But God can tell you what it means and set you at ease." [He asked God for help, and proceeded to interpret.]

Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Since God has revealed the meaning of the dreams to you, clearly no one else is as intelligent or wise as you are. You will be in charge of my court, and all my people will take orders from you. Only I, sitting on my throne, will have a rank higher than yours."

Pharaoh said to Joseph, "I hereby put you in charge of the entire land of Egypt." (Genesis 41:16, 39–41 NLT)

People "under the influence" of the Holy Spirit have spiritual smarts. They understand God's ways. It may be easy to mistake such godly wisdom for intelligence.

However, when knowledge and wisdom are combined as in Joseph's case, the person becomes a valued part of a team, provided the leader is not threatened by someone bigger and better than themselves. Pharaoh proved his own leadership skills by elevating a younger man to greatness. Thereafter, he could relax and leave the administration in capable hands.

Smart Joseph. True. But smart Pharaoh, too!