What timing is this?!

"If you're going to blog about going to Indonesia, be sure to write about the bad things as well as the good," my mother-in-law said to me yesterday. "That's real life."

I woke up this morning a bit dumbfounded by God's timing, so I'll write about that. I am puzzled why God would choose this time of life for W and me to become church planters and mission teachers.

I don't mind getting older. A strange facet of American culture is the resistance of 40-60-year olds to admit that we're aging. "You're not old!" my friends protest (in self-defense?) when I self-identify as "an old lady," compared to younger women.

Hello? Compared to 20- and 30-somethings like our kids, I AM old. It takes me a long time to learn what I could breeze through and remember years ago. How am I going to learn a new language and fit into a 180o different culture? When I look in the mirror, there's no denying that the years are stamping themselves on my face and body.

Oh well. Here we are. Mid-50s. Going into missions. I'm reminded of a couple of recent encounters:

1) A pastor asked us, "Why are you going at this time of life? Will our investment ($) be worth it? Should we be investing in young people instead?"

I ran that past Dr. Wayde Goodall, the NU School of Ministry dean and my husband's trusted adviser.

"What people here don't understand," he told me, "is that age and grey hair are valued where you are going. Precisely because you are older, well-educated, and mature in the faith, you have advantages young people don't yet have.

"What about bishops, apostles, and elders in scripture? They were entrusted with building the church in the New Testament. Remember that if someone asks you about 'being old.'" (Thanks, Dr. Wayde, for scriptural insights to balance our cultural assumptions!)

2) Pastor Kim Martinez talks about God's intentionality when we're feeling stalled by circumstances or ability. (Listen here for her talk.) She notes that Joseph was an arrogant spoiled young man, sure of his dreams and his ability to lead. But God took him through difficulties and detours. Joseph wasn't ready for the top post until he was ready in God's timing. Then, Joseph's readiness coincided with Egypt's need for a wise administrator.

We weren't supposed to go until this time in our lives. This is what God has designed. What in our characters and personalities needed to be knocked off - or added?

The confidence of our youth, the easy "we-can-do-anything!" and "let's go for it!" attitudes are past. I actually can't imagine waking without the comforts of our home, the quiet forest behind the house, and the safe haven of family and friends who know and trust us. I feel afraid when I wake some mornings, that we're not enough and "nothing will happen" when we get there.

That's when God says, "Remember, nothing was EVER about you or W. It's always been about Me. If you remember that and live that way, I WILL do what I planned - through the two of you and those who will teach you and work with you."

 3) I'm wondering if I can learn Bahasa Indonesia. At least it's not as hard as Mandarin, which I expected to study as a young woman. (W proposed to me, asking, "Will you go to Red China with me?")

When we visited Beijing in 2011, I was grief-stricken, sitting in a Chinese church service. I knew I could never learn Mandarin and that region of missions was closed to us.

We are going where the language is one of the simplest to acquire (according to linguists). I'm gradually listening to more and more Bahasa, trying to hear patterns and pronunciation. I'm hoping I can learn it, bit by bit. I'll always have a funny accent and I may not know all the words.

Language encapsulates its culture's gifts of thinking and knowing. Our parents were immigrants who spoke German. (W's folks knew Polish and Russian, too.) Our childhood churches used another language. We taught our children German so they would have alternate ways of knowing the world. Sometimes when we pray or read scripture, we slip back into German because there are words that express God's truths differently than English does.

Limited though our ability may be, both W and I intend to do our best to understand our new friends from the inside out. That means language learning.

4) I'm tired. Just thinking about down-sizing and moving wears me out. We don't have the energy of 30-somethings or even 40-somethings. God reminds me that maybe Job wasn't initially that thrilled about starting anew. Maybe he wasn't THAT excited about having 10 more kids, after being sick and losing it all. Yet God blessed him with a new family, great riches, and wisdom that moderns still learn from.

Thank God for our good health and plenty of vigor. We may take longer to think through what we're doing now. But that might be a good thing in days ahead.

God only knows. It's his timing, after all!

Read more:

*For the Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life." Job 33:4 NLT

*This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15 NIV

*God consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. 2 Corinthians 1:4 NLT

Moravian Prayer: You are our refuge and strength, O God, our ever-present help in trouble. Embolden us to share the good news of your steadfast love. Make us instruments your consolation, we pray, in Jesus’ name. Amen

Life under God

Our family is reading and discussing With, a book that reflects on our postures in relationship to God. Mostly, it deals with our attempts at manipulating God so we control our surroundings and ward off our fears. We often life:

• For God: "I'll serve him" (then he'll be nice to me)
• From God: "I want prosperity / health / wealth / happiness" (he should provide for me)
• Under God: "I need to appease him because he sets the rules" (don't make God mad)
• Over God: "Who cares about God?" (he may or may not have set the world into motion, but what does that have to do with me?)

The author suggests living WITH God in deep communion and trust. More on that in another post.

In my 1-year chronological Bible reading, I stumbled across Elihu again. He's Job's "Comforter" and "friend," a punk with all the answers. He admits to listening to his elders and then disses them with:

• I've heard you and you don't have anything wise to say
• I've considered deeply and don't have to be old to know what's going on
• You should listen to my wisdom. I've figured it out
• No matter what your protests, I'm right
• Do it my way and you'll succeed

Cheeky. Arrogant. Stupid.

It doesn't matter if parts (or even most) of what Elihu says is true. His attitude stinks. And his approach is totally "Under God" - if we follow the rules, God also has to follow the rules.

• The wicked get punished. (So hey, if you're suffering, you don't have enough faith, you've got sin in your life, you don't understand your own evil heart, etc.) 
• The good prosper. (If you're rich, healthy, and have a good reputation, you must be doing something right.)
• God is unmoved by our plight. (Stop asking him for help, confess your sins, be a better person,  and pull up your own boots to get to work.

What I find fascinating is that God doesn't respond to Elihu at all. If he's got it all figured out, why bother to interact?

On the other hand, God asks the other three "comforters" to bring sacrifices and have Job make them on their behalf. God is willing to restore relationship with them.

Oh Lord, for all of our youthful or immature "right answers," our arrogant suppositions, and our silliness in thinking we have you figured out, we're sorry! Lord have mercy! Christ have mercy! (Benedictine) and Lord have mercy! (Michael Smith and Amy Grant)

Read more:
*By the ordinances of the Lord is your servant warned. Psalm 19:11 (NIV)

*Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever. To him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever. Psalm 136:1-5 NIV

*No good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit. Luke 6:43

Moravian Prayer: King of kings and Lord of lords, our desire is to do your will. Come into our hearts, rescue us from darkness and sin so we may bear good fruit in your name. Amen.