WRAPPING IT UP: Day 4 with my accountability group

A beautiful bedroom view

The sun's frosting the white slopes of Mt. Baker when we wake. Strangely, the best vista is from the downstairs "throne" (the toilet.) The house juts into the junction of Penn Cover and Puget Sound so the ocean views from three sides of the house are spectacular.

Willy scrambles eggs and cooks apple oatmeal. "This is like two complete breakfasts," exclaims Phyllis. We planned the portions a little better this week, unlike a few past retreats that seemed to have as much food coming home as we initially brought.

We used to stay at a house where we spent four hours on the last day washing sheets and towels, scrubbing kitchen and fridge clean, dusting all three stories, and vacuuming. We'd be happily tired on the way home. This house comes with maid service after we leave. We strip the beds, do our dishes, and pack. What a relief.

Patti's glasses. By consensus, "just right" on Patti

Once dishes are done, I clear my inbox and begin to focus on the weekend's assignments. (I usually pack as I get up, so my suitcases are at the door by breakfast.) However, it's 10:50 a.m. by the time everyone comes to the living room, makeup on, clothing just so, and ready to go. They pray over me, one at a time. When the landlady comes at 11, we drag our suitcases to the car and get underway.

Willy is Dutch so she's looking forward to a stop at a Dutch grocer in Coupeville. Patti and Phyllis spot a handbag consignment shop and within 15 minutes, find just the right travel bag. On the way home, lunch at Five Guys Burgers in Everett fills us to the brim. The gals drop me off at home before Willy (driving) chauffeurs the others to their houses.

Miss K and JoNaLu

Before long, our granddaughter Miss K comes downstairs for a visit. Apparently she asked for me a few times while I was away. To our delight, she does a little dance with the German JoNaLu troupe on Youtube.

From my start in my late 30s, through life to where this grandma is today, I'm grateful. As we were wrapping up the week together, our accountability group marveled at God's grace and favor over the past 20 years. He is good. And we are thankful.

Is there something in your life that you're wrapping up? That you wish would carry on? Something new emerging? An ordinary grace that takes on new meaning and significance during times of transitions?

The WPPRs have been the constant voice of Jesus to correct, instruct, and encourage each other. I'll sure miss them as we wrap up life in Seattle for the next season in Indonesia.

FAITHFULNESS: Day 3 with my accountability group

Wilhelmina gets her Tiffany bracelet,
celebrating 20 years together

The sun's out! Mount Baker is glowing in across the Sound, and we've woken to the final full day of our retreat. Wilhelmina and I wake early.

After Patti, Phyllis, and I started to meet in the fall of 1993, we sensed a larger group would hold us more accountable and expand feedback for personal growth, handling life's challenges, and doing ministry. Our criterion were the two markers for finding each other: we were looking for women who 1) would give their lives to please God and 2) those who were - or had husbands in - positions of authority where confidentiality was paramount.

In other words, we dreamed of a circle where we could share our deepest longings, our dreams, our struggles, and our hopes. One gal declined - none of us knew she was headed for missions within two years. But she heard clearly that this wasn't her time to join us.

Wilhelmina completes the WPPR circle

On the other hand, when Wilhelmina got our call she wanted to make sure we would keep each other's secrets. She was in transition - and felt this was God's timing and provision for her. When she said yes in January 1994, my mind's eye saw a quarter circle locking into place. The whole circle was complete: no others would be invited.

A few years ago, we admired Patti's Tiffany bracelet. Then the girls bought me one to celebrate completing my doctorate. We bought Phyllis hers before a major surgery, a reminder of God's provision and our prayers. Yesterday, we presented Wilhelmina with hers to recognize 20 years together. (We never take the bracelets off. This WPPR memento stays with us 24-7.)

20 years after our initial meetings, God's faithfulness continues to astonish us. We originally agreed we didn't have to be friends but we would remain longterm companions. God had His own plans: these women have become my dearest friends, faithful throughout the years.

Throughout today, our Day 3 on retreat, we share our deepest concerns and fondest memories. Sometimes we're confrontational. At other times we console. We pray together. Or we hug and reassure one another: though we're moving apart physically this year, we're connected at the heart.

The food is great, as usual. Salmon. Steak. Fresh vegetables. Dark chocolate. Raspberries.

Christmas in February

We become so wrapped up in what God is saying about our futures in light of the past, that we forget to take a walk. We talk and talk. And listen and listen. Instead of shopping as we'd planned, we leave the house only to bring in wood for the fireplace.

We've not been able to meet since November. So in the evening, we open our Christmas presents. Patti and Phyllis unwrap their birthday gifts, too. It's very late when we head for our rooms. Sweet dreams, girls!

Who is faithful to you? Whose heart are you faithfully guarding. For whom do you faithfully pray? Who is praying for you?

Read more:
*Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?

I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds." Jeremiah 17: 7-10 ASV

*Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.  God, the LORD, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on high places. Habakkuk 3:17-19 ESV

*I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. 

If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. John 15:1-11 NEV

LAUGHTER: Day 2 with my accountability group

Who on earth are you? Asian facials

 Oh did we laugh!

We doubled over, shaking with mirth until the tears streamed down our cheeks behind the masks. We'd patted on Asian facial masks last night - and then couldn't stand the sight. We took goofy pictures and made faces at each other, while talking about our relationships with friends and family (between chuckles, of course.)

Laughter has always been part of our journey together. I first met Patti in 1992, when she was nurse for the children's choir camp I'd inherited at the last minute. Our camp manager reneged on his responsibilities, so leadership fell on me two weeks before camp started. We rallied volunteers, packed over 100 kids into busses, and had a fantastic week.

Our wacky friendships

Across the hall from my room was the nurse's station. Patti bandaged hearts and limbs as the children streamed in and out.

On the final night, Patti and I walked across the parking lot to the hall where parental volunteers were putting on a show for the kids. She'd painted a big red cross on a white girdle, perching it on her head as a "nursing cap." Over her thrift-store white tennis skirt, she'd pulled a blue cape. White knee-highs topped her white sneakers. Patti schlepped a little blue suitcase as a pretend medical bag. Honestly, she looked like a nurse from a madhouse.

We laughed so hard that we kept having to stop to cross our legs (first time I ever considered the value of Depends). We howled, and barely made it to the show. Oh, how that memory still makes a smile break out!

Hugs after dinner

Patti and I built a solid friendship over the next year, shrieking with laughter at IKEA in Vancouver, talking about homeschool, and studying scripture. In the autumn of 1993, we called Phyllis, a mutual acquaintance, asking if she'd like to form a group with us. "Is it confidential?" she asked right off the bat. "And why would we meet?"

"Yes," we replied. "Utterly confidential. And we'd meet for spiritual accountability." She was in. Then in January 1994, Wilhelmina joined us and the circle of four was complete.

We have laughed and cried our way through sicknesses and health, family transitions, relationship crises, and financial windfalls and reversals. We've showed up for showers, birthdays, weddings, funerals, and celebrations.

Last evening, I thought my heart would burst with gratitude, even as my belly was shaking, looking at the dear, funny faces of my friends.

The house where we laughed and cried
our way during 12 years of retreats

Who do YOU laugh and cry with? Can you trust them completely? Are you committed to praying for their well-being? Determined to keep their secrets safe, as they keep yours?

It took prayer and hard work to bond as a group. But the years of laughter and joy - as well as many tears - have more than repaid our efforts. We've done some pretty funny things over two decades.

Thanks be to God, who laughs - and cries - with us.

COMFORT: Day 1 with my accountability group

At Hasty Lake road, an old haunt - a final visit

This is the first of four days with my accountability group. We're on our final retreat together before two of us move away in June.

Twenty years ago, God brought us four together to hold each other accountable to pursue a relationship with himself - and each other. What a ride it's been!

Comfort. That's the word that sprang to mind yesterday as we rolled up the driveway to the house perched on a spit outside Penn Cove. This Coupeville rental is surrounded by water on three sides. It's darling - decorated to the hilt with sea treasures and themes.

Why is our group special to each of us?

Leaning in: at the gates
of the house where we stayed for 12 years

The kitchen view, early this morning

Breakfast counsel and conversation

1. We formed to journey together, with strict boundaries of confidentiality. These women know me almost as well as my husband does - and better in some areas than he.
2. We are all married to our original husbands. The oldest has been married 50 years. I'm the youngster with a mere 36 years of marriage.
3. Our ages span 15 years. That means we have a pacesetter to say, "This is what's coming." We observe culture and faith from different perspectives.
4. We are reasonably fit and in good health. Each of us exercises and tries to eat wisely. We are still mobile and active.
5. Our children have matured over 20 years. When we started, our youngest kids were in kindergarten. Now, the oldest are in their late 40s. We spiritual "aunties" have prayed them through their challenges in growing up, health issues, getting married, and having their own children.
6. We are all hospitable. So we've had 20 years of fantastic meals together. At one point, we considered scaling back to minimize preparation as we hosted in our homes. Nope - we couldn't do it and the beautiful table-settings and delicious menus continued.
7. Our group is a priority. The first 15 years we met every 3 weeks, with 2 weekend retreats a year. In recent years, we're all traveling so much that we meet less frequently - and we don't always schedule retreats. But these women are at the heart and soul of every other interaction - we've knocked a few rough edges off each other, cautioned each other when we became unbalanced, and prayed and counseled when we were confused or in transition.

A relaxing lunch overlooking the ocean

I am so grateful - and comfortable - with these women. They've become true friends of the heart over 20 years. For anyone who has no safe group for sharing the joys, triumphs, and traumas of your journey with Jesus, I'd say, take the risk. What could be more helpful than consistent, trusted perspectives and encouragement?

All I can think as I relax with these three proven friends, is, "Thanks be to God for his wonderful gifts! Love you, Patti, Phyllis, and Willy."

Doing life together

Time away isn't always this much fun. I'm feeling refreshed and renewed by our WPPR retreat to Cedar Springs in Sumas, WA.

Two of us on a garden path

Three of us went on our first retreat in 1993 and our fourth and final accountability partner joined us that winter. I found our first "program" for that retreat 19 year ago, the record of what each individual wanted to work on within the group. Astonishing! While we've made good progress in those areas, we currently continue to work on them.

We stayed in the Ranch House, a sprawling 6-bedroom, 3-bath accommodation with beds for 12, plus a crib and more foam mattresses tucked in closets. Lots of room. We walked woodland trails, paddled the ponds, and sat on benches and swings, admiring the beautiful flowerbeds in Cedar Spring's lavish landscaping. (Little put-put trucks moved to and fro, disgorging young people who weeded and watered.)

Each of us loves to decorate, so we were surprised by the retro furniture and pictures. "Look! Granny decor from the 1970s!" we exclaimed. Over three days, we settled in and found our comfy spots on sofas and armchairs, around the dining table, and flopped on our beds.

We're all good cooks. As we unpacked kitchen supplies, we noted that few groups would have hauled along so much food. The counter, cupboards, and fridge filled with salads, cheeses, breads, sliced meats, salmon, rice, and snacks. Avocados and tomatoes lined the window sill. We didn't even think of going to a restaurant, feasting in-house on paninis, bagels and lox, poached salmon, hot cereal and fruit, etc. Mousetraps were everywhere and someone saw a mouse run across the dining table, so we packed away everything at night. No big deal. We've been through so much together that few things scare us anymore.

We love God and eagerly share what he is teaching us. We ask for feedback so we can follow God better. Again, each of us presented "what God is doing in our lives," receiving encouragement and correction. I learned enough to work for weeks.

Paddling the pond

Information shared is confidential, entrusted to the group. We don't always like what we hear back, nor are we always comfortable with other viewpoints. However, after so many years, we love and trust each other. No one will ride a hobby-horse through another's heart. God often uses a question, a loving word of rebuke, or corrective discipline to turn the direction of our walk with him back to balance and wholeness.

My friends have taught me many things, from funny to fundamental. Here are a few:

• Scripture lives and breathes as we seek God's face. His Word most truthfully and lovingly directs our journey of faith.
• "Women usually interact this way." (I grew up with brothers and continue to be amazed by the feminine perspective.)
• God is pleased to make us unique. Each of us has a place and a role in his kingdom. 
• My assumptions on how things function are only my perspective. I might tackle an issue one way. Others view life differently and react differently. That's okay. Watching them helps me consider other ways of doing things myself.
• Life is wonderful. Celebrate!
• Life is hard. Pray and surround yourself with godly companions so you don't become derailed.
• God is good. He stays with us through thick and thin, when our heart leaps with joy or breaks with sorrow.
• Along the way, they've tried to spruce me up. "Rosemee, wear makeup. Though you don't have to look in the mirror again, we're looking at you all day." haha Yup, since that talk, I apply makeup. It's minimal. The process is quick and pared down to a few swipes and brushstrokes, but it's seldom missing. (I know: thank the WPPRs.)

Looking backwards while moving ahead

We WPPRs function in our giftings, even in such an intimate setting. The counselors affirm and correct. The nurturers make us feel loved. The administrators keep us on track. The learners bring information and perspective. It's not always easy to be together, given the strength of our convictions and personalities! Along with comfort, there is iron sharpening iron. Still, we've found a safe place to toss out ideas and get feedback. No one loves us less if they disagree with us. No one shuns us if we react badly to their idea. No one wishes us harm because we're different than she is.

Who is sharing your heart? Do you have trusted advisers who complement your strengths and provide balance when you face opportunities and challenges? Where is your safe spot, where you can ask, "Is God in it? Am I on the right track?"

If you are interested in setting up a group with similar goals (trust, balance, and safety as you mature in faith), contact me. Either as a WPPRs group or as individuals, we'd love to encourage you to find such a safe haven of others who love God, value confidentiality, and want to serve God with all their hearts.

Read more:
*Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid. A good man obtains favor from the Lord, but the Lord condemns a crafty man. A man cannot be established through wickedness, but the righteous cannot be uprooted. Proverbs 12:1-3    NIV

*O Lord, be gracious to me; heal me, for I have sinned against you. Psalm 41:4

*Then some people came, bringing to Jesus a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” Mark 2:3,5  

*Then Andrew brought Simon to meet Jesus. Looking intently at Simon, Jesus said, 'Your name is Simon, son of John—but you will be called Cephas' (which means 'Peter')." John 1:42

Moravian Prayer: We pause now to become aware of the many ways in which we sin, both by our actions and inactions. Forgive us, heal us and grant us your peace. In Christ’s name. Amen. 

Of all the stupid things...

Man gets head stuck in bin

We weren't aloud to say "stupid," growing up. It was considered vulgar. Mom would have washed our mouths out with soap.

But once in a while something comes along that's so ridiculous that "stupid" applies. For example, Scottish emergency responders had to separate a man from the bin into which he'd pushed his head. Dumb fellow!

I haven't gotten my head stuck in a public trashcan but I've done my share of silly things. As I was waking yesterday, UCB Ireland programming was highlighting the value of fear in preventing us from doing stupid things or putting our lives at risk. The speaker also noted that youth is known for risk-taking rather than the wisdom of fear. Experience and age produces caution. Probably true: I'm less willing to take risks as I age.

Back in the day: at a son's wedding

However, there are three other reasons that produce caution in me. Their names are Wilhelmina, Phyllis, and Patti. I'm going on a retreat this week with them. We've met for 18 years (if I'm wrong, they'll correct my dates). The first ten years, we met every 3 weeks and did 2 annual weekend retreats. The conditions for admission to the group?

• female
• wholeheartedly seeking God
• able to keep confidences
• willing to share life

Those gals know me inside-out, and I can predict their responses to life as well as they can anticipate mine.  We've shared things our husbands don't know (mostly girl-things, attitudes, and actions that wouldn't benefit our marriages if we told the guys).

I look forward to the retreats but also dread them. God puts a finger on my heart each time, pointing out where I am spiritually dense or unwilling, where my nature is not aligned with his, and where I've been disobedient. Oh how I hate to be put on the spot.

2012

And how I welcome God's love and the kindness of the WPPRs in pointing out my faults as well as boosting me for accomplishments. It's hard to make progress when ours are the only eyes permitted on our inner beings. We are too forgiving of ourselves, either overlooking flaws and sins, or excusing them with, "That's just how I am," or "If only they would ... , then I would be different/ respond differently/ etc." An outside look of compassion or finger pointed in love have made a great difference in my life.

Do you need similar accountability? Here's a checklist of questions to clarify your answer:

• I'm in a position of responsibility. Scripture says those in leadership will be judged more carefully and severely than others.
• I wrestle with an issue or issues that I haven't been able to resolve. This might be a hidden sin, a destructive habit, or stymied progress in spiritual maturity.
• No one knows me inside and out. This self-protection usually hides the issue above.
• My spouse or roommate or friends are tired of listening; I talk in circles or only to them ... without resolving issues. A good accountability group will challenge you if you make no progress or keep bringing up the same patterns. My search for the WPPRs began after my husband asked me to "find some girlfriends" because, as he noted, "I'm not Jesus. You need someone else to talk to."
• I need input from others. Your view of ministry or job or family life may have become myopic: your in the forest so you can't see anything but the nearest trees. Trusted counselors provide perspective and balance.

Finally, here's a summary in how the WPPRS have repeatedly hauled "off the stupid truck," as a Texan friend eloquently put it. WPPRs is not a Bible Study or friends' day out. What WPPRs does provide for each of us:

• a safe haven, confidential accountability
• regular meeting; you know you will be called to talk about your life about every three weeks; provides caution in life
•  prayer partners
• insight into being a wife, mother, daughter, sister
• balance, perspective – everyone has “something,” thank God for the shape of my own cross!
• retreat – “girl time” for talking, study, laughter, movies
• unexpectedly: deep, close friendships

I'd encourage you to ask God to bring you the joys of deep connections!

Feet in the fire

"Where's the blog?" some of my readers asked. The easily distracted (like I am) thrive on routines--not sameness, but knowing what's coming. Instead, the week of appointments brought surprises and opportunities.

One of those great pleasures was my accountability group (the WPPRs  from the initials of our names.) We shared breakfast this week, talking about life, faith, and family.

For many years, we met every three weeks and took two annual weekend retreats. Back when we were 38-54 years old, we thought we were busy with kids and husbands and work. 17 years later, aged 55-71, we only find time to meet every month or two. We're traveling, in ministry, watching our grandkids, and still learning new things. The time we set aside is unlike any other relationships we foster, laced with love and integrity.

My criteria in seeking them out?

• lovers of God so they would hear His voice and speak His words for their entire lifetime
  
• women who had secrets and could keep confidences for mutual responsibility in exposing the heart
  
• women of power and influence so we wouldn't be threatened by others' accomplishments or fears

I didn't care if:

• we were or became friends
• we went to the same church or denomination
• we held similar positions or--God forbid--had the same opinions on everything

Those lists may seem ambitious or egotistical. But I was very pragmatic about those partnerships, looking for help not hysterics; faith not fear; complementary gifting not complacency or competition.

Our group's foundation rests on the question, "Is God pleased with us and ours?" As our children have grown, we've prayed them through jobs, marriage, illness, and other challenges. Our marriages come under scrutiny, too. "Does that reflect Christ to our spouses? kids? those who observe us? The WPPRs have prayed me through great opportunities, the challenges of masters and doctoral studies, and a horrible season at work. Nothing is off the table. They've kept secrets, advised me from scripture, their POVs, and their hearts. They've lifted our family before God when we were too tired to pray. And I've done the same for them.

The great advantage of such intimacy is that sisters of the heart provide balance. We've said to each other, "I wouldn't think of it that way. Do you think that might mean... instead?" Or, "Check your attitude and make sure your thoughts are pleasing to God." Occasionally we have put another person on high alert: "If someone said that to me, I'd be very cautious. You can't trust them." And, "They said what!? Wake up! They're undermining you."  And once in a while, "Stop. That was a compliment. Did you appreciate the honor you were given?"

While we may not always agree, I consider carefully what they say. They are wiser than I and further along on the spiritual path. Their thinking is more feminine so they bring a wholesome womanliness to my life. We asked, "Is God pleased?" as we faced new possibilities and challenges yesterday. Today I am -- once again -- so grateful for their counsel and their prayers.

Who's holding your feet to the fire? Who tells you to your face what they think about your attitudes, ideas, and lifestyle? If you are in any circle of influence, please gather a trusted Few around you who can speak truth. They may be the only ones who photograph the elephant in the room and make you sit down to look at it. They'll bring equilibrium, whether times are sunny or stormy.

Thank you, WPPRs. You have been God's words and life and breath. This morning, I celebrate the gift of God in you!

Read more:

*Psalm 26; Genesis 46:1-27; Matthew 16:5-20

You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God. Psalm 40:17

*Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights. Isaiah 42:1

*One day Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee, and John baptized him in the Jordan River. As Jesus came up out of the water, he saw the heavens splitting apart and the Holy Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice from heaven said, 'You are my dearly loved Son, and you bring me great joy.'"Mark 1:9–11 NLT

*A leper came to Jesus begging him, and kneeling he said to him, "If you choose, you can make me clean." Moved with pity, Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, "I do choose. Be made clean!" Mark 1:40-41

*Jesus Christ received honor and glory from God the Father when that voice was conveyed to him by the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, my Beloved, with whom I am well pleased." 2 Peter 1:17

Moravian Prayer: Heavenly Father in whom the world delights, we give you honor and praise. You sent your Son into the world to redeem us of our sins. Your voice still echoes, "This is my beloved Son." Thank you for the confirmation that Jesus Christ is Lord.
 
O God our help in ages past, may we take up our cross and emulate our Lord Jesus who was not afraid to be a servant by helping all in need. Amen.