Living in real time

Today I'm deciding if I graduate in April of 2012 or 2013.

Actually, I'm setting in place the pieces that would help me decide, so I'm not engulfed by details one way or the other In October when graduation requests are due. Emily's blog has given me reassurance for riding the surge of normalcy I have been feeling. "Go for it, with freedom that comes from seeking God," she calls to us all.

In the thick of last winter and spring, depressed, overwhelmed, sick from grey skies, drizzle, and cool dampness, I couldn't focus on studies. When I looked at research, I swam through a fog where none of it made sense or stuck in my head, flailing in a churning tide where ideas refused to fall into written data. The resistance was so great, both inside and outside, that I put off the decision about graduation. It was a great relief to say, "Maybe, we'll see," rather than, "I plan to be done in 2012."

It's time to plan as though the future is more open than I thought last winter. I have to harness the good and energy for the year ahead during these days of physical light, when summer's given us a warm week of sunshine, when my body feels alert and coming back to life, when possibility again seems possible...

Yeah, I have SADs, like my grandma did. She told us every February that this was her last year, that she was sure to be dying soon... every February for over 20 years. This winter, I'm putting the SADs light on a 6 hour timer from October through June. My body has to pretend it's nice out, though my mind knows Seattle will close in like every year with its dark cold.

At the end of summer, my office feels like a safe lively place to work, rather than like an obligation to sit myself down for another day of failure. In the logic of yesterday's sunshine, I can think about where to stay when I do research in Missouri, which advisers to meet in October, and which books to re-read while my head is clear.

We only have the choice to live today. This hour. This minute. I'm not thinking of time as a clock, though the West couches time as a pace through the the hours.

I'm thinking of time and timelessness, the flow of eternity, into our lifetimes, and beyond again. There's no crisis about encountering a segment of time. Eventually, God's timelessness embraces us after death. Real time means walking life through with prayerful best intentions, good information, and one foot in front of the other in the world and our interior life. The minute or hour may include intense concentration, relaxed solitude, scheduling the future, or planning a project.

But this time, this real time, is all God gives us. Now. One minute, one hour, one day... after another until our days are done.

I don't know what challenges face you today. Your issues - joyful or dreaded - may be with health, finances, relationships, or other things.

Today I know that whether or not 2012 turns out to be my year for graduation or slogging through more pages, God is faithful. I'm still alive, the sun has shone in Seattle for a whole week of warm weather, and the future rests firmly in his hands. Let's commit everything to him, to see what he will be for us, and what He will do in and around us.

Thanks be to God.

Read more:

*But Moses pleaded with the LORD, "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled."

Then the LORD asked Moses, "Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD?Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say."

But Moses again pleaded, "Lord, please! Send anyone else."

Then the LORD became angry with Moses. "All right," he said. "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he speaks well. And look! He is on his way to meet you now. He will be delighted to see you. Talk to him, and put the words in his mouth. I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do. Aaron will be your spokesman to the people. He will be your mouthpiece, and you will stand in the place of God for him, telling him what to say. And take your shepherd's staff with you, and use it to perform the miraculous signs I have shown you."

Before Moses left Midian, the Lord said to him, "Return to Egypt, for all those who wanted to kill you have died." So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey, and headed back to the land of Egypt. In his hand he carried the staff of God.

And the LORD told Moses, "When you arrive back in Egypt, go to Pharaoh and perform all the miracles I have empowered you to do. But I will harden his heart so he will refuse to let the people go." Exodus 4:10–21 NLT

*Now the Lord had said to Aaron, "Go out into the wilderness to meet Moses." So Aaron went and met Moses at the mountain of God, and he embraced him. Moses then told Aaron everything the Lord had commanded him to say. And he told him about the miraculous signs the Lord had commanded him to perform." Exodus 4:27–28 NLT

*Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV

Hymns of comfort

 Today, I'm reposting a blog that means a lot to me! Hope you enjoy it, too.

Two Hymns of Comfort

10 Jul by Chaplain Mike

By Chaplain Mike

We here in the iMonk community have been sharing with each other many words about trials and spiritual disorientation lately. This might be a good time to include some hymns of comfort and encouragement in our weekly “Hymns for Ordinary Time” series. One of the lessons to be learned in Ordinary Time is that the hard passages are part and parcel of our daily journey, and it is something we should find a way to sing about.

Today we feature two hymns by a woman who has been called, “the Fanny Crosby of Sweden.” Her full name is Karolina Wilhelmina Sandell-Berg, but she is known as Lina Sandell. She lived from 1832 to 1903 in Sweden, where she grew up as the daughter of a Lutheran pastor. In her lifetime she wrote more than 650 hymns. Many of these were put to melody and carried across Scandanavia by guitarist, composer, and arranger Oscar Ahnfelt, of whom Lina said, “He has sung my songs into the hearts of the people.”

As a teenager, Sandell wrote the beautiful and tender, “Children of the Heavenly Father.” This is a favorite of my wife’s extended family, and we sing it when we gather at reunions for worship. Lina wrote it having already experienced severe trials in her own childhood. At age twelve she was paralyzed, confined to bed, and given no hope of walking again. Yet somehow she experienced healing just like the people in the Gospel stories she read and prayed over. This led her to testify to God’s care in this beautiful, lullaby-like hymn of comfort. Whether you are in the disorienting circumstances of pain and sorrow, or have found peace or even a surprising deliverance of some kind, this is a song God’s people can sing together to encourage one another to trust our Father’s loving presence throughout the journey.

Children of the heav’nly Father
Safely in His bosom gather;
Nestling bird nor star in Heaven
Such a refuge e’er was given.

God His own doth tend and nourish;
In His holy courts they flourish;
From all evil things He spares them;
In His mighty arms He bears them.

Neither life nor death shall ever
From the Lord His children sever;
Unto them His grace He showeth,
And their sorrows all He knoweth.

 
Though He giveth or He taketh,
God His children ne’er forsaketh;
His the loving purpose solely
To preserve them pure and holy.

When Lina Sandell was in her twenties, she and her father took a boat outing on a lake during which he fell overboard and drowned. Out of her deep and lasting grief, she wrote some of her most loved hymns, including the one below, “Day by Day.”
This hymn has given me much peace and assurance throughout my life, and I have been able to use it as a pastor and chaplain to bring comfort to others as well. By sharing these words with us, Lina Sandell provides a good example of how “the God of all comfort…comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2Corinthians 1:3-4)

photo © 2009 Garry Knight | more info (via: Wylio)Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Power;
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
Ever to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.