Joining Thomas

"Unless I see and touch, I won't buy it!" That was Thomas' line to the disciples who reported a visit by a resurrected Jesus.

We hear mostly unsympathetic sermons about "doubting Thomas." I looked up the references to Thomas in the gospels as well as the trajectory of post-resurrection appearances of Jesus. I kinda like him, and identify with him, though I'm an early responder to new ideas and possibilities.

Most of us are Thomas, asking for more evidence than heresay when we plant our faith on an impossibility. Thomas had no accounts of scripture, later gathered into the New Testament. None of his fellow disciples understood that Jesus had predicted his death and resurrection until retrospect kicked in AND they'd seen and touched him by his own invitation. Even after seeing his wounds, Jesus' followers weren't sure he was real until he ate food in their presence (Luke 24).

Really, would we trust a bunch of fearful friends telling us about a "ghostly" visitation? If Jesus had appeared to them, showed them his scarred hands and feet, and taught them from the scriptures, why were their locks still tightly set against outsiders? Why weren't they out on the streets telling the amazing story (Luke 24, John 20)? The "witnesses" weren't totally convinced or convincing.

Thomas was probably willing to believe, but the behavior and lack of confidence of fellow believers was hardly compelling. It would be off-putting to hear evidence from the still-terrified and anxious. In asking for proof, I see Thomas' desire to embrace something true, extraordinary, and supernatural.

Jesus honored Thomas' sincere request with an invitation to experience the evidence for himself. Jesus exteneded his hands and feet, and confirmed proof of his death and resurrection by exposing his pierced side.

In the same way, though Jesus' chided all the disciples for needing confirmation beyond his teaching, Jesus comes to us day after day with verification of his care. How many times has he proved himself to us, yet we continue to ask, "Are you really there? Do you love me? Am I safe with you?"

Since our daughter has been ill, I sometimes have a hard time trusting that God will heal her. That he cares for her. That he is present with her and us, and not absent or unconcerned. If he could heal, why doesn't he? If he could intervene, why does she suffer? If he is sovereign, why do tornadoes, floods, and hurricanes sweep away lives and livelihood? I have many questions, just like Thomas.

Then Jesus embraces me with the Holy Spirit's presence, assuring me again, "Touch my side. Look at the wounds I bore for you. Yes, I care. Yes, I am with you. You are never alone. You won't be forsaken through the end of the end of time and throughout eternity."

Ah, I remember. I remember! Once again, I touch the scars and run my hands over the gashed side. I'm utterly grateful for a patient loving God who draws me in year after year, decade after decade. Dependent on him, I join Thomas, saying with great relief and renewed faith, "My Lord and my God!!!"

The prison of our fears

Speaker and author Carol Kent shared the devastation that followed "life-without-parole" sentencing for her only son. 

"A parent's worst nightmare," she described it. When she finished, she told us, "You can tell me your stories, but please don't say my pain is much worse than yours. Pain is pain is pain, whether that is from illness, financial trouble, or other traumas."

Afterward I talked to our daughter. Kirsten said people often told her that they felt badly for her, "and though we are suffering, we can't imagine going through what you do." (She has severe juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.)

"No one has to go through what I do," said Kirsten. "Everyone has their own pain. There's no comparison between experiences."

Comparing the weight of humanity and downplaying our own suffering sends a clear message to someone in the middle of devastation. "Our hurts are bad, but yours is definitely worse. We feel so sorry for you..."

Such a statement of "comfort" carries the implication that if something even more horrid happens to someone else, this suffering is less than the other person's. Yet, how can we measure the brokenness and hurts? What kind of increment or tool could show the physical, emotional, or spiritual toll of stress, worry, or grief?

"Everyone's cross is shaped to their own back," says my mother, who has gone through many sorrows and trials. She is wise, after watching life go by.

Though not everyone is behind physical prison bars, many of us inhabit a prison of our fears. We worry that life will be too difficult, that good times may not last, or that we are not strong enough to survive the future.

Only God is able to sustain us. "Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares for you," said the apostle. And, "Think on good things, and be thankful. And God's peace will surround you beyond your understanding." Such inner resilience and trust springs our prison gates open so we walk in freedom, no matter what our circumstances.

Lent Day 40: When all is lost

Their tomorrows were wiped away in an evening. All their hopes, dreams, ambitions, and aspirations attached to Jesus had come to nothing. For years, they'd followed him around the countryside, eating and sleeping where they were given hospitality. It hadn't been easy, but clearly he was someone special.

"He said he'd come to set up a kingdom, and we expected to be elevated with him." And, "We left everything to follow him, but it's been for nothing. He's dead. Gone. We can't believe it!"

Sometimes when hope is utterly dead, God is still at work. "It's not over until it's over." In other words, the outcome is determined by God, not by our understanding.

How could the disciples expect that, just when all was lost, the unthinkable was taking place. Not only a kingdom of earth and humanity was rising, but Jesus was proclaiming dominion over evil, hell, and even death itself. Unbelievable.

Unbelievable... until Easter morning.

In retrospect, it is easier to see the power and majesty of God. When we are wading through darkness, smeared with blame and guilt, drowning in unmet goals, we forget whose resurrection we celebrate. Each day, whether it is challenging or a walk-in-the-park, Jesus who died and rose again sustains us.

Hallelujah for the cross, especially when it seems, to our finite understanding, that all is lost.

One more week - don't miss the show!

Playwright Douglas Anderson to visit Taproot Theatre for post-play talkback, April 28

SEATTLE – April 22, 2011 – Patrons attending one of the final performances of The Beams are Creaking at Taproot Theatre are in for a special treat. Playwright Douglas Anderson is visiting Seattle from Vermont to see the show and will speak at a post-play talkback on the evening of Thursday, April 28.

The Beams are Creaking—directed by Karen Lund—has sold so well that Taproot Theatre has had to add performances—twice. Initially slated to close on April 23, all performances through that date are sold out. Seating is extremely limited on the dates of the extension, April 28, 29 and 30. Tickets are available through Taproot Theatre’s box office at 206-781-9707 and online at www.taproottheatre.org; audiences hoping to attend the show are advised to buy their tickets soon before they sell out.

A riveting true story full of political intrigue, conspiracy, romance and thrills, The Beams are Creaking continues Taproot Theatre 35^th Anniversary Season. Set in Germany in 1933, the Nazi party has taken power. In the face of the greatest evil of the 20th century, Dietrich Bonhoeffer battles questions of morality, political allegiance and religious conviction, and must make choices that could change the course of history. This true story will keep audiences on the edge of their seats.

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The Beams are Creaking

By Douglas Anderson

Directed by Karen Lund

WHEN: Through April 30

Remaining performances:

-          Friday, April 22, 8 p.m.

-          Saturday, April 23, 2 p.m.

-          Saturday, April 23, 8 p.m.

-          Thursday, April 28, 7:30 p.m. – featuring a post-play talkback with Douglas Anderson

-          Friday, April 29, 8 p.m.

-          Saturday, April 30, 8 p.m.

WHERE: Taproot Theatre Company, 204 North 85^th Street, Seattle, WA 98103

TICKETS: Tickets are available online at www.taproottheatre.org/buy-tickets/ and through Taproot Theatre’s box office, in person or by phone at 206.781.9707. Tickets range from $27-35, depending on the performance. Taproot offers a $3 senior/student discount off regular priced tickets (excludes previews). $10 tickets are available for ages 25 and under. Discounts are available for parties of 8 or more through Group Sales; call 206.781.9708.

ABOUT: Germany, 1933: The Nazi party has taken power. In the face of the greatest evil of the 20th century, Dietrich Bonhoeffer battles questions of morality, political allegiance and religious conviction. This true story will keep you on the edge of your seat as a tale of intrigue, conspiracy and high treason unfolds.

ABOUT TAPROOT THEATRE COMPANY

Taproot Theatre Company is a professional, non‐profit theatre company with a multi‐faceted production program. Founded in 1976, Taproot Theatre serves the Pacific Northwest with Mainstage Productions, Touring Productions and the Acting Studio. Taproot exists to create theatre that explores the beauty and questions of life while bringing hope to our search for meaning. Taproot Theatre Company is a member of Theatre Communications Group (TCG), Theatre Puget Sound (TPS), and the Greenwood‐Phinney Chamber of Commerce.

Thanks to our show sponsor, Cereus, and our opening night sponsor, The Upper Crust. Support for Taproot Theatre’s 2011 Mainstage season is generously provided by The Charles Simonyi Fund for Arts and Sciences, The Seattle Foundation, 4Culture, ArtsFund and PONCHO.

Lent day 39: Oh dreadful day

Today I remember
When they dragged you away
Spat on your holy face
Beat your innocence
Cursed your righteousness
And accused you of things you did not do.

It was for me
And those like me
That you endured the day
Oh dreadful day.

Oh terrible day
When the universe shuddered at our blasphemy
And God turned from you in turning toward us.

Today I remember
And pause to worship the bloody feet
The beaten brow
The torn back
The face plucked of beard.

Oh dreadful day
When angels wept at God's wrath
Satisfied by God's terrible love.

Oh wonderful, awe-filled day.
I remember and say
"Thanks be to God who gives us the victory
Through our Lord Jesus Christ."

Lent Day 38: Perplexed but protected

The whirlwind week swept Jesus and his disciples toward the unknown, untamed horrors of crucifixion. Jesus warned them, "I'm going to die. After three days I'll rise again."

Well, what could that mean? He'd raised a dead girl and said she was "asleep." He was likely "dead tired." (Not that we know they used that expression.) Besides, everyone died sooner or later. What on earth was he talking about? The disciples probably shrugged it off as another mysterious parable or saying. Jesus was sometimes hard to understand, after all.

The whole troop celebrated a feast together just before Passover and a few weird things happened. Judas stomped off into the night after Jesus talked to him. Jesus played the role of a servant and washed their stinky, dirty feet -- after a sharp rebuke to Peter, who wanted no part in humiliating his rabbi. And Jesus said something about bread as representing body, wine representing blood... whatever.

Life with Jesus can be perplexing. We think we understand what God wants. After all, the words we hear are spoken in our language and sound logical.

But it's sometimes hard to understand what is meant or what God expects us to be or do. We may go forward in "obedience," only to run into an impenetrable wall. We think we should wait, and miss an opportunity of a lifetime. We move from great success to utter failure, without any apparent change of direction on our part. What's going on?

We have no answer to that question. Sometimes we can see the point of the journey but other times, it remains veiled in a fog of unresolved experiences.

What we do know is that Jesus moved steadily, faithfully toward the death that would engulf him. He took his disciples with him, through the pain of his suffering, through the shock and grief of his brutal death, and through the quiet denial of loss. They only understood enough to live through each day and fall exhausted into bed each night.

Whatever faces us, God is not overtaken by surprise. We walk with him through the valley of the shadow of death. "I fear no evil there," said the songwriter, having been through war and peace, feast and famine. "Because you are with me, your rod and staff comfort me. You even prepare a feast for me when my enemies surround me."

In this Holy Week, on Maundy Thursday, take God's outstretched hand. He remembers what it is to suffer, to grieve, and to see those around us oblivious to our pain.

Lent Day 37: Crushed but not forsaken

Even the helpless can have hope. Sometimes life crushes us, falling on us to extinguish all optimism. Yet, "LORD, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them." (Psalm 10:17-18 NEV)

As Christians, we are sure that God knows the limits of what we can bear. Not all of us could be Jesus, martyred and forsaken, but each of us will experience the brokenness and sadness of being human. There's nothing that God cannot see us through, walk into with us, or transform to make the future worth living. 

I marvel at Jesus' goodness and kind intentions toward us, thinking of his travels with sure steps toward the cross -- it would have been only a day or two away from crucifixion today in his last week -- leaving behind safety and a good life to move toward us.

Because of Jesus' steadfast endurance and willingness to suffer for us, we have a sure hope. We have confidence in the relationship and healing God has provided through Christ. As the prophet wrote, inspired by a God who is not afraid of the future: "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:4-5 NIV)

Lent Day 36: All of God

Yesterday, I sat in on a discussion of a book on heaven and hell. The author contends that everyone will eventually come to realize that God is worth following, and accept Jesus as God's provision. Some interesting questions were raised by the writer. Does God really want us to talk to others about the yucky consequences of displeasing him? Or is he "unconditional love who accepts us?" as an attendee yesterday said. That's a nice idea, and one we might wish was true, but it's not found in scripture.

Leaning back in my comfy chair, watching the well-dressed and well-fed students and others in the room, I agreed with the professor who admitted: "This discussion could only take place in the US or Europe. The rest of the world isn't buying it." Elsewhere, justice can be swift and capricious, and people understand that going against authority has consequences.

Fragmenting God into love and ignoring his justice and righteousness, or vice versa -- stressing only his justice and righteousness and ignoring his love -- creates warps and imbalances that keep popping up in the Church. Eventually, following either extreme with human logic leads to heresy. God is LOVE, but he is also GOOD, which gives us a plumbline for living with integrity.

God was kind enough to make a provision for our sins and failures that is sufficient to satisfy his righteousness and bring him and humankind into a loving relationship. What more could we ask for? In our wildest dreams, would we expect this generosity and agony on our behalf?

Apparently, most people (including theologians) think Jesus is "not enough" ...so we need to figure out loopholes and "kinder, more inclusive" solutions to the human dilemma of brokenness and wrongdoing. It upsets me when ministers question publicly what God says about himself, teaching the blind to follow them into the ditch of apostasy. Forums of study, scholarship, and accountability groups are better places to air doubts and think through challenges, rather than confusing the untrained and the spiritually immature.

Scripture warns that teachers will be more severely judged because of their influence over others, and because a relationship with God must be the core of their teaching. Rob Bell and others take note!

Lent Day 35: Poetic pondering

I found this poem, written by Kevin Hartnett, who "works for NASA at the Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland, overseeing the science operations activities of the mission. He was selected in 2003 from a thousand candidates as the “Poet of the Year” by the Fellowship of Christian Poets." Kevin blogs at http://khartnettpoetry.typepad.com/kevin_hartnett_poetry.

This about these words during the Holy Week before Easter. I'm using this poem as meditation in personal  devotions this week. It feels like a hymn.

How awesome is that day to me-
O day of hallowed history!
Set time in God’s determined plan
To sacrifice the Son of Man.
What famous work that day was done
By Jesus Christ, His Perfect Son!
The Second Adam, sent to save,
Humbly obeying to the grave!

How savage is that day to me-
O day of pure brutality!
When Christ, the Son of God Most High,
Was fiercely whipped and hung to die.
And O the horror of my sin,
Seen there in His appalling skin!
For God struck down- as meant for me-
The sinless One, at Calvary.

How precious is that day to me-
O day of purchased liberty!
In Him, a freeman now I live;
My sins, through death, did God forgive.
No wrath at length looms o’er my head,
But lovingkindness there instead.
His righteousness, my guilt replaced,
And Love, this ransomed soul embraced!

O awesome, savage, precious day-
‘Tis God the Savior on display!
What peerless, holy, gracious Mind
Would fashion such a Grand Design?

RK endnote: When reading, my heart was moved. How about yours?

Lent Day 34: The sure foundation

The will of God sometimes seems subject to the whims of men and the obstruction of institutions. We do our best to fit in with what God is doing, but the road to the future is not always a straight line. And the voyage is not always pleasant.

In the process of working toward a degree, I've submitted several proposals. Some have been significantly different from others, but most of them seem like the same thing to me, tweaked and re-tweaked in the stumble toward an "angle" acceptable to my readers and advisers. Along the way, I've varied between excitement at "This is it! Please, please let me do this!" and sheer boredom with the normal, back-and-forth exchanges within academia.

My fellow students say the same thing: "This is crazy! Will we ever get done?" Some have tossed in the towel because, "It's too much work," or "This is nonsensical busy work," or "I just can't be bothered. I have other things to do." Both reactions are expected by our professors.

All that keeps me stubbornly moving ahead is a spiritual call to finish what I've started. My journey of faith moves through THIS landscape, whatever the procedures, whatever the route, and whatever the system I have to wade through.

Those of us still on the road to a PhD continually ask each other, "Is it fun?" No (unanimous). "Is it interesting?" Rarely (unanimous). "Is it frustrating?" Yes (unanimous). "Is it an ordeal that sometimes makes us clench our teeth and feel like screaming?" Oh, yes (unanimous). "Are we learning?" Well, sort of. We've learned that the doctoral process and its wheels of institutionalism will grind on us as they have ground on thousands of others, until we are spit through the academic machine onto a stage for a piece of paper. Few people care about the actual subject that interests us.

So, for all of us who've landed where the only point of being here seems to be for some person, hierarchy, or politicians to make the road as rough as possible... for those in ministries that seem stuck and going nowhere... for those who feel our contributions are irrelevant and under-appreciated... for those bowed down with cares and burdens that are crushing us... what do we know for sure?

• God is our foundation, as the prophet says: "He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure." (Isaiah 33:6 NIV)

• His word is a true and trustworthy anchor: "The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb." (Psalm 19:7-10 NKJV)

• God alone knows the future. Our job is to trust and obey in the present. His presence settles our hearts, no matter where the journey takes us today.

Sometimes a door closes to force us to move away from comfort to somewhere else. Sometimes it closes because a bigger opportunity awaits. Sometimes we just learn patience and hope. Disappointments help us to consider options we would never been open to in more comfortable surroundings.

Let's keep our eyes open and our running shoes on! God indeed is the sure foundation from which -- and to which -- we launch ourselves from green pastures into the unknown, again and again.