When we got back to Seattle, the freakishly cold and gloomy "spring" assaulted me like a battering ram. I sat in the house for days, unable to do much more than write and take the dogs for long walks, trying to soak up enough sun to get out of bed in the mornings. Happily, W was out of town so he missed most of the inner drama while I returned to a restricted diet.
I had an internal meltdown last night on the way home from wonderful visits with family. I'd ordered chicken for lunch and enjoyed deli coldcuts for supper.
|June: a typical Seattle day|
I didn't say much in the car, afraid of a verbal explosion of words I wouldn't mean in saner moments. At home, I crawled under the covers to sleep off the toxic effects of animal products.
|Peach muesli with soymilk|
My sweet husband seems almost perfect again. I don't have to ride in his car, which I dislike because of its 'new' chemical smell and uncomfortable seats, among other things. I'm grateful that my excellent copy editor A.N. carefully made the needed editorial adjustments. The dogs are thrilled to be beside me; we're skipping our walk because it's raining and I don't have a slave-master driving me into the dripping landscape. I feel almost human.
Those of you who struggle with depression for whatever reason will understand. And the rest of you? Maybe you're a thief, a liar, a blasphemer, a drunkard, a glutton, an adulterer, or a gossip. (Or like me, any one of those at various times.)
*You have put gladness in my heart more than when their grain and wine abound. Psalm 4:7
*Let all who fear the LORD repeat: "His faithful love endures forever." In my distress I prayed to the LORD, and the LORD answered me and set me free. The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me? Yes, the LORD is for me; he will help me. I will look in triumph at those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in people. It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes." Psalm 118:4–9
*The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of sorrow will end. Isaiah 60:19-20 NIV
*We brought nothing into the world, so that we can take nothing out of it. 1 Timothy 6:7
Moravian Prayer: How do we measure abundance?—?in our worldly possessions or in the richness of our souls? O great Provider, help us to lay aside the blanket of belongings for the blanket of blessing that envelops us in your love. Amen.