Another day, another nail-biter

Word upon word, this dissertation is coming together. I sit down to write late last night, with the day still swirling around in my head.


Last Sunday, our house rings with laughter and company (20 for lunch). W and I do marriage counseling with a young couple in the evening. When we're done, my "day off" is over. We're ready for a good night's sleep. Except that I wake full of buzz and viniger at 3am. Between trying to lie still for 3 hours but "I don't feel tired," the shower running in the bathroom next door, and W getting ready for his trip, I fall back asleep at 7:15. The alarm (Bible read aloud) goes off at 7:45 so I enjoy 15 minutes of meditation, listening.

W chose to go to a conference this week, so my mom ("Grandma" to the kids) is here helping with Kirsten. She warned us, that at 76, she'll be resting rather than cleaning. "Fine, Mom," we said. "Good for you, Grandma." (Doubtfully.) That's great. If Mom's relaxing, I won't have to answer questions about what's where, so I can focus on studies. I don't have time to visit, that's for sure. I'm beyond past crunch time on this hideous dissertation. Time is running out.

Mom and I start the day with a walk. "I hate this hill," she said. I agree. I'd never take myself for a walk if I didn't have dogs. We live two blocks from the almost-top-of-the-mtn. ... after you climb our steep driveway to the street. Once you're at the top, it's easy, rolling swells. "What shall we have for supper tonight?" Mom asks. I snag some chicken from the freezer and start it thawing.

While I get in the tub with papers to edit, Mom "rests." Sort of. Not really. She takes everything out of the fridge and cleans it top to bottom. After noon, I hear a knock knock on the door... "Want to have lunch with us?"

Sure. I dress, things are not quite ready ("Wow, that was quick," says Mom when I come into the kitchen.) 15 minutes later, I eat with Kirsten and Mom. When I splash back down in the tub, adding hot water to make it bearable, an hour's gone.  I zone in until 4pm to get through the paper. I begin editing at the keyboard, inserting changes.

"Need some help?" I ask about 4:30. I'm feeling guilty about not helping Mom cook. But she has everything under control. Carrots are cut and soaking, spaetzle dough is whipped up, the chicken is breaded.

Meanwhile, Jonathan and two friends are baking chocolate chip p-b cookies. "I'm waiting for them to leave the kitchen," Mom said. "But everything's ready." We stand around, they decide to stay for supper, and I get back to my work for 10 minutes.

Ding-dong! it's the front door, with a couple and their babe in arms. The dogs yell and run for the door, beserk at the new arrivals. Their barking wakes the baby. "Darn," says the mother. "I was hoping she'd sleep."

After 6, we eight sit down to a wonderful German meal. "I'm not cleaning up, you guys!" Grandma announces. But she gets up and calls the boys to help clear the table. I stay in the kitchen for cleanup afterwards, trying to shoo Mom away. One of Jono's friends washes the last dishes. By the time Mom and I empty the dishwasher and get everything back to normal, it's after 8pm. Another day. Gone. Oh well, study time? That's what evenings are for.

Hey, what's this? The footnotes have strange double quotes and there are formatting conflicts between journal and magazine styles... oh my. 700+ footnotes to look through? I send a quick "HELP!" to the editor, who says, "I can fix it in a hurry; send it my way!" Gratefully, I shove it off my desk onto hers. After 10pm, my brain, eyes, and fingers disconnect so I give up.

My fingers feel taut when I get to bed. What?! I bit all my nails off while editing. Ugh. Good thing they grow quickly. I need to get to work. to work. to work. Lord have mercy.

Read more:

*One day Moses said to the LORD, 'You have been telling me, "Take these people up to the Promised Land." But you haven't told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, "I know you by name, and I look favorably on you." If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.'

The LORD replied, 'I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.' Exodus 33:12–14 NLT

*Psalm 7:10-17; Genesis 10:1-11:9; Matthew 5:1-16

*Rend your hearts and not your clothing. Return to the Lord, your God. Joel 2:13

*Jesus said, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news." Mark 1:15

Moravian Prayer: Forgive us, our Redeemer, when we take on a show of piety but not a heart of piety. Create in us a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within us. Restore to us the joy of salvation. Amen.

The long and winding road

The USA government built interstate freeways to provide straightforward transportation for war supplies. If the country were attacked, how could resources quickly move from one coast to the other? I-90 and other such "civilian conveniences" would help, provided the interstates weren't bombed out. The government had the will, authority, and money to make it happen. Farmers were moved off their land, city dwellers relocated, and construction crews employed. The freeways are fabulous at whizzing us from point to point, but at what cost? No one remembers, driving along without a sidewards glance.

We often think that the war contingency routes, the straight-ahead A to B journeys, are possible in real life. But daily living demands stops for food, refueling, and visits with others. 

Our daughter came home this weekend to undergo another series of operations to repair the ravages of rheumatoid arthritis. The illness continues to affect her joints. Just as unwelcome are the medications' side effects. She's a trooper, and prayers are appreciated as she goes through her pre-op doctor visits, surgery, and recovery for the next few months.

I've had a short season of freeway running this fall. However, I've been shunted off the wide trail and onto side streets again. God, who knows our paths, allows us the freedom and pleasures of cranking full speed ahead with open lanes on either side. He's with us when we––in the sheer velocity of progress––think this may continue forever. Yay, the goal is in sight!

All too soon, we pull onto an off ramp, wondering, "is this my exit?" We dawdle. We wait for refueling in grocery lines, hopping back in the car with a full load. Yay, supplies! We're ready for anything as we drive off. After a quick rest, we're back in the car.

Sometimes, our trip takes us to a Park & Ride. We seek refuge at the blustery bullet-proof shelter. "Is the next bus is on time or on a revised schedule?" It's out of our control.

None of this takes God by surprise, though it may frustrate and discourage us. Life certainly tears up our freeway maps and tosses the pieces to the four winds!

Survival requires a fixation on the goal. For me, the next interim point of the journey seems clear. I don't know if I'll ever reach it or if it was a diversion along the way. But until I'm told differently by my Navigator, I'm programed like a heat-seeking missile, dodging obstacles, going up and down to find the hot trail until my mission is completed. (Yeah, I understand that a missile is destroyed in the process, so let's not take that metaphor too literally!)

The next week's ups and downs include sitting in a hospital waiting room, making meals off schedule, and listening carefully to instructions, scribbling them down furiously to revise my work. The moving target seems very far off this week.

"Rosemarie, life is not a series of distractions. The diversions ARE life," said my mentor about 15 years ago. I recall her counsel in the early hours, while my devotions prostrate me again at the feet of Jesus, who remains The Same yesterday, today, and forever. 

Read more:

*"See, I am sending an angel before you to protect you on your journey and lead you safely to the place I have prepared for you. Pay close attention to him, and obey his instructions. Do not rebel against him, for he is my representative, and he will not forgive your rebellion. But if you are careful to obey him, following all my instructions, then I will be an enemy to your enemies, and I will oppose those who oppose you. … But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals would multiply and threaten you. I will drive them out a little at a time until your population has increased enough to take possession of the land." Exodus 23:20–22, 29–30 NLT

*Praise the LORD, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD. Psalm 117 NIV

*[Jesus said,] "Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. He gave five bags of silver to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.

"The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more." Matthew 25:14–17 NLT