Day 3: "Spend yourself"

It's Waldemar's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HON. I make his card since I never get away alone. We've done our usual stroll through the drugstore the day before. I show him cards I would get him if he wanted to pay for them. He likes a few, and we're happy.

The morning sessions start at 9am.  By then it feels to us like half the day is gone. We're early risers. The sun's hot and the sprinklers on every lawn boost the humidity.

On campus, I run into a few fellows I know from seminary. Though I don't know many of our peers, I've met many of the leaders during studies. It's fun to see them outside the classroom.

We'll be divided by world regions for the rest of the week. The motto for our Asia Pacific group is, "Spend yourself!" Today we meet our area leaders and coworkers. Each area director gives us an overview of their area and who lives there. It's obvious that they love the people they work with. There's a lot of wise-cracking and laughter.

W and I make a lunchtime birthday dash for 1/2 of 1/2 Brand Names. I've purchased most of my clothes there since attending seminary. The chain of stores resells returns and sale-ends from Nordstrom and other major retailers. In the past, I've found my Italian boots ($10), a mother-of-the-groom dress ($40), and a Furla handbag ($10). Today I find PJs for $9 and Ralph Lauren sandals for $16. W finds a white Columbia travel shirt for $12.

We rush back after lunch to hear insights on handling stress and culture shock, and how to keep ourselves on track spiritually. The presenters are career missionaries who know firsthand how devastating and shocking it is to move far from home and become part of another people group.

As they run down the list of stressors, I can identify with each one. These are the reasons I've not yet felt the stir of "the great adventure." We learned about these during my PhD studies and I listened to members of my cohort talk about them. I'm not looking forward to experiencing them myself:

• cultural adjustments in language, how needs are met, adapting to expectations, food, and lifestyles
• human stressors, including leaving family behind and working with others
• organizational adjustments, including job satisfaction, policies, differing leadership styles, and filling out reports
• physical challenges of a new climate, illness, aging, and weariness
• psychological stressors of depression, a sense of failure, boredom, or mid-life changes
• support - raising funds, housing, retirement planning, and having to do many tasks that were handled by others at home
• spiritual stressors

One team leader talks about the importance of loving God with all our hearts (Lk. 10:27), of guarding our hearts (Prov. 4:23), and deflecting the arrows that seek to destroy the heart (Ps. 91:1-5). We are encouraged to have a strong devotional life as the foundation for service to others. We're also told that we'll need friends to talk privately with because we'll be in full view.

"People will watch you over time. ... You're building your own reputation - good or bad."

W and I have supper with Paul and Sandy. Paul was in my cohort and is working on his dissertation. He administrates a big area, so he's had to put off the work time and again. I assure him there IS life after a doctorate. (But I remember what hard work it was, and what discipline and perseverance it took to finish the thing!) Paul's in the process. He and W hit it off and I love his wife Sandy, whom I've heard a lot about, but never met before today.

W and I scoot back to the campus for two hours of 3-minute presentations. Each unit (single or couple) has three minutes to tell the audience where they are going and why. One after another, we go on stage to present our dreams for the future.

W reads the script we worked on last night. At some point, I'll have to start speaking. Tonight, W does a good job while I stand beside him.

We're home by 9, in time to catch up on our writing before we get to sleep. These days are long but interesting. Tomorrow, breakfast, lunch, and supper are booked with friends and colleagues. I look forward to it. And a good night's rest.

Read more:

*Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest. Ecclesiastes 11:4 NLT

*Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation. Psalm 111:1 NLT

*Teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. Colossians 3:16 NLT

Moravian Prayer: Almighty Savior, you bless us with your infinite love. May we always sing your praises with our voices, minds, and hearts. Amen.

Lent Day 11: Vorwärts! Los!

We have a date! On March 20 I defend my dissertation, which continues to be a work in progress after being sent off to committee. Based on feedback, I'm clarifying the dissertation's objectives and reinforcing primary literature.

The past two weeks, my brain has remained in limbo. I tried to continue intense study after I handed in the dissertation. But without a time frame, my mind and body refused to cooperate or engage. I'm deadline and task oriented so the simple email with a calendar appointment from my adviser has injected me with adrenaline and the will to live.

Meanwhile, my fellow pastor and friend Kim has been writing on leadership and church ministry. Her encouragement to see God's work as process rather than a hierarchy or establishment helps me keep this walk of studies in perspective. Whatever God is doing in this doctoral journey is part of God's preparation for what lies ahead, in the greater picture of the church.

Beginning with a provocative post about Power and church, Kim's been examining the role of those who remove obstacles and train members of Christ's body to minister in the world. I highly recommend her blog Deep Imprints.

God's Word confirms that each person is vital to his plans. The overarching goal is becoming Christlike in being and doing. You are part of that--and so am I.

How is your day or your week shaping up, in light of that?

Read more:
*But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" God said, "I will be with you." Exodus 3:11-12

*Four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. They couldn't bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, "My child, your sins are forgiven."

But some of the teachers of religious law who were sitting there thought to themselves, "What is he saying? This is blasphemy! Only God can forgive sins!" Mark 2:3–7

*It is not those who commend themselves that are approved, but those whom the Lord commends. 2 Corinthians 10:18

Moravian prayer: As we recall in a common Advent hymn: "Not in our own strength, Lord, we move; your kingdom falls not when we fall, but forward presses day by day until your truth is known to all." Dear Lord, remind us always that it is only by your grace that we have been justified. Amen.

Another day, another nail-biter

Word upon word, this dissertation is coming together. I sit down to write late last night, with the day still swirling around in my head.


Last Sunday, our house rings with laughter and company (20 for lunch). W and I do marriage counseling with a young couple in the evening. When we're done, my "day off" is over. We're ready for a good night's sleep. Except that I wake full of buzz and viniger at 3am. Between trying to lie still for 3 hours but "I don't feel tired," the shower running in the bathroom next door, and W getting ready for his trip, I fall back asleep at 7:15. The alarm (Bible read aloud) goes off at 7:45 so I enjoy 15 minutes of meditation, listening.

W chose to go to a conference this week, so my mom ("Grandma" to the kids) is here helping with Kirsten. She warned us, that at 76, she'll be resting rather than cleaning. "Fine, Mom," we said. "Good for you, Grandma." (Doubtfully.) That's great. If Mom's relaxing, I won't have to answer questions about what's where, so I can focus on studies. I don't have time to visit, that's for sure. I'm beyond past crunch time on this hideous dissertation. Time is running out.

Mom and I start the day with a walk. "I hate this hill," she said. I agree. I'd never take myself for a walk if I didn't have dogs. We live two blocks from the almost-top-of-the-mtn. ... after you climb our steep driveway to the street. Once you're at the top, it's easy, rolling swells. "What shall we have for supper tonight?" Mom asks. I snag some chicken from the freezer and start it thawing.

While I get in the tub with papers to edit, Mom "rests." Sort of. Not really. She takes everything out of the fridge and cleans it top to bottom. After noon, I hear a knock knock on the door... "Want to have lunch with us?"

Sure. I dress, things are not quite ready ("Wow, that was quick," says Mom when I come into the kitchen.) 15 minutes later, I eat with Kirsten and Mom. When I splash back down in the tub, adding hot water to make it bearable, an hour's gone.  I zone in until 4pm to get through the paper. I begin editing at the keyboard, inserting changes.

"Need some help?" I ask about 4:30. I'm feeling guilty about not helping Mom cook. But she has everything under control. Carrots are cut and soaking, spaetzle dough is whipped up, the chicken is breaded.

Meanwhile, Jonathan and two friends are baking chocolate chip p-b cookies. "I'm waiting for them to leave the kitchen," Mom said. "But everything's ready." We stand around, they decide to stay for supper, and I get back to my work for 10 minutes.

Ding-dong! it's the front door, with a couple and their babe in arms. The dogs yell and run for the door, beserk at the new arrivals. Their barking wakes the baby. "Darn," says the mother. "I was hoping she'd sleep."

After 6, we eight sit down to a wonderful German meal. "I'm not cleaning up, you guys!" Grandma announces. But she gets up and calls the boys to help clear the table. I stay in the kitchen for cleanup afterwards, trying to shoo Mom away. One of Jono's friends washes the last dishes. By the time Mom and I empty the dishwasher and get everything back to normal, it's after 8pm. Another day. Gone. Oh well, study time? That's what evenings are for.

Hey, what's this? The footnotes have strange double quotes and there are formatting conflicts between journal and magazine styles... oh my. 700+ footnotes to look through? I send a quick "HELP!" to the editor, who says, "I can fix it in a hurry; send it my way!" Gratefully, I shove it off my desk onto hers. After 10pm, my brain, eyes, and fingers disconnect so I give up.

My fingers feel taut when I get to bed. What?! I bit all my nails off while editing. Ugh. Good thing they grow quickly. I need to get to work. to work. to work. Lord have mercy.

Read more:

*One day Moses said to the LORD, 'You have been telling me, "Take these people up to the Promised Land." But you haven't told me whom you will send with me. You have told me, "I know you by name, and I look favorably on you." If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.'

The LORD replied, 'I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.' Exodus 33:12–14 NLT

*Psalm 7:10-17; Genesis 10:1-11:9; Matthew 5:1-16

*Rend your hearts and not your clothing. Return to the Lord, your God. Joel 2:13

*Jesus said, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news." Mark 1:15

Moravian Prayer: Forgive us, our Redeemer, when we take on a show of piety but not a heart of piety. Create in us a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within us. Restore to us the joy of salvation. Amen.