FAITHFULNESS: Day 3 with my accountability group

Wilhelmina gets her Tiffany bracelet,
celebrating 20 years together

The sun's out! Mount Baker is glowing in across the Sound, and we've woken to the final full day of our retreat. Wilhelmina and I wake early.

After Patti, Phyllis, and I started to meet in the fall of 1993, we sensed a larger group would hold us more accountable and expand feedback for personal growth, handling life's challenges, and doing ministry. Our criterion were the two markers for finding each other: we were looking for women who 1) would give their lives to please God and 2) those who were - or had husbands in - positions of authority where confidentiality was paramount.

In other words, we dreamed of a circle where we could share our deepest longings, our dreams, our struggles, and our hopes. One gal declined - none of us knew she was headed for missions within two years. But she heard clearly that this wasn't her time to join us.

Wilhelmina completes the WPPR circle

On the other hand, when Wilhelmina got our call she wanted to make sure we would keep each other's secrets. She was in transition - and felt this was God's timing and provision for her. When she said yes in January 1994, my mind's eye saw a quarter circle locking into place. The whole circle was complete: no others would be invited.

A few years ago, we admired Patti's Tiffany bracelet. Then the girls bought me one to celebrate completing my doctorate. We bought Phyllis hers before a major surgery, a reminder of God's provision and our prayers. Yesterday, we presented Wilhelmina with hers to recognize 20 years together. (We never take the bracelets off. This WPPR memento stays with us 24-7.)

20 years after our initial meetings, God's faithfulness continues to astonish us. We originally agreed we didn't have to be friends but we would remain longterm companions. God had His own plans: these women have become my dearest friends, faithful throughout the years.

Throughout today, our Day 3 on retreat, we share our deepest concerns and fondest memories. Sometimes we're confrontational. At other times we console. We pray together. Or we hug and reassure one another: though we're moving apart physically this year, we're connected at the heart.

The food is great, as usual. Salmon. Steak. Fresh vegetables. Dark chocolate. Raspberries.

Christmas in February

We become so wrapped up in what God is saying about our futures in light of the past, that we forget to take a walk. We talk and talk. And listen and listen. Instead of shopping as we'd planned, we leave the house only to bring in wood for the fireplace.

We've not been able to meet since November. So in the evening, we open our Christmas presents. Patti and Phyllis unwrap their birthday gifts, too. It's very late when we head for our rooms. Sweet dreams, girls!

Who is faithful to you? Whose heart are you faithfully guarding. For whom do you faithfully pray? Who is praying for you?

Read more:
*Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?

I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds." Jeremiah 17: 7-10 ASV

*Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.  God, the LORD, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on high places. Habakkuk 3:17-19 ESV

*I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. 

If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. John 15:1-11 NEV

Where love looks

It's becoming pretty clear from my Monvee evaluations that ideas, creativity, and life-in-motion are some of my core values. So how does an "idea-person, activator, or strategic thinker" (Strengthfinder 2.0) show love for others? My focus naturally falls to tasks and speech, to helping people move from where they are into exploration of their potential and use of their gifts. I'm thinking about where my love looks, where it rests its gaze, and what it envisions for the ones I love.

I love this from Real Simple's Daily Thought:

Certainly there are times and places for "gazing at each other" or taking a second and third look.

• When being introduced, we may look closely several times, evaluating if this person is someone who will become a friend or coworker.
• At the beginning of a romance, you want to see the other person and have them look back at you. 
• At special occasions, we may focus on the memories etched in a loved one's face.

The true love that God goes further. It examines the trajectory of a life, falls alongside to boost and support, and walks at the beloved's side. Through thick and thin. Through joys and sorrows. Through failure and success.

Guests swimming at a luxury hotel in Jakarta while
the rest of the city endures flooding (BBC)

Love doesn't isolate itself from reality. It doesn't ignore the needs around us (see photo right).

Let's find the direction of God's love and people's needs. I can probably come up with some ideas to make that kind of true love come alive today. How about you?

Read more:

*May he give us the desire to do his will in everything and to obey all the commands, decrees, and regulations that he gave our ancestors. 1 Kings 8:58 NLT

*Your way, O God, is holy. Psalm 77:13

*O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! Romans 11:33

Moravian Prayer: Holy Lord and God, you are the way the truth and the life. Fill us with your Holy Spirit; teach us your wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. Move self out of the way and direct our paths. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Love without fear

(Jesus said, ) But the third servant brought back only the original amount of money and said, "Master, I hid your money and kept it safe. I was afraid because you are a hard man to deal with, taking what isn't yours and harvesting crops you didn't plant."

"You wicked servant!" the king roared. "Your own words condemn you." Luke 19:20–22

What’s wrong with bringing back an original investment? It’s better than risking all and losing, isn’t it? Re-reading the verses above, I wonder if unearned gains are the reason the king reacts. Perhaps it’s not as much about keeping what we have, as hoarding out of fear. Perhaps it’s not doing our best because of our trepidation of failure … or success.

I’ve been thinking about what life would be like if we loved without fear or faltering. Most of us, in loving and living, have a certain amount of anxiety or hesitation about risking all in the act of giving ourselves to others.

But what if we threw ourselves into life with reckless love, regardless of the perils? What if we were willing to put everything on the line – our reputations, our dignity, our sense of entitlement to reciprocal love – to embrace others and our opportunities with all our personalities and character?

From some, that would look extravagant and extroverted, a splash of kindness in every direction. It’s scary for those who are used to being pushed away from their attempts to do things for others to keep an outgoing flow of love. Especially when we’re told over and over again, “No thanks! Keep away!” “I don’t want your attention!” or “I’ve got life under control, back off!” More devastating still, hearing: “Who do you think you are? You’re not good enough to contribute to me/ this project/ this ministry (etc.)”

Others would quietly serve, wholeheartedly seeing to the good of those around us. Sometimes a gentle spirit is crushed by not being noticed, by having attention drawn to good deeds, or hearing a scathing remark about the inadequacy of such actions. Having someone take the credit while belittling us for loving acts or sacrificial commitments can wither the heart, too.

It might also be shocking to receive such unfeigned grace and good deeds. After all, aren’t we sometimes suspicious of those who lavish good works around them? Don’t we fear that someone who does us a favor may want something from us? Something we might not be willing to return to them?

With all the talk of “love banks” where good actions or “deposits” accumulate to balance “withdrawals” of human need or unkind actions, it’s hard not to start measuring what we are owed and what we owe others. Sometimes, starting from a core distrust, such measurements begin to build a relationship. In truth, we’re so far in debt as far as God is concerned, that the accounting of rights and wrongs smacks of humanism, not godliness.

Scripture says we owe an un-repayable debt of love – that we have become debtors to Christ. In fact, we are His slaves, entirely purchased at Calvary through a bloody ransom. Therefore, if our Master asks us to love other, we don’t have permission or power to refuse – if we want to stay in right relationship with Him. (“By this everyone will know you are my disciples, that you have love one for another,” Jesus said bluntly.)

We probably try to like and love most people. However, I’m thinking beyond the human ability to do no harm and to be nice to those who are our friends and family.

LOVE WITHOUT FEAR. What would a day of that look like to those around me? To those around you? How would such courage feel?

Read more:

*Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him. Lamentations 3:22-25 NIV 

*I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:18

*Jesus answered, “How can the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with them?” Mark 2:19 (NIV)

Moravian Prayer: Creator and Sustainer, you have provided such bounty for us, your children. When we feel a lack of earthly things, help us to trust in you to provide for our needs, on earth and in heaven. In Christ’s name. Amen.

Artist date

What's your hobby? How do you refresh your soul?

Every once in a while, I take an artist date. After church yesterday, I played with W&N watercolors at a Daniel Smith "Travel Journal" workshop. Since W and I will be traveling here and there this summer, it seemed appropriate to play while learning something new.

I'm a complete beginner who "does" art in occasionally workshops or classes. Why? Probably because I can't sit still long enough to "finish" anything that seems so optional and fun ... but requires a few hours of focus. I have the Sitzfleish [ability to sit still] of a gnat.

I found a photo of Dutch houses on a canal in Curacao and played around with that for a while. The pleasure of holding a paintbrush settled on me like a warm cloak.

I'm so grateful for a God who invests his creativity in us. I'm glad I come from a family of musicians. My husband flings his "can-do" skills at construction, music, computers, and words. Our sons design computer stuff; our daughter was born a fashionista and decorator; our daughters-in-law include a genius at accounting and an amazing people connector. Most such gifts and skills are acquired by ongoing work and practice.

What is your family's primary "art?" Numbers? Painting? Engineering? Wordcraft? Hospitality? Preaching? Construction? Thank God for his lavish love in spreading out gifts among the children of humanity.

Read more:
*Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.
Psalm 33:22

*I will add to their numbers, and they will not be decreased; I will bring them honor, and they will not be dis-dained. Jeremiah 30:19 (NIV)

*When the mustard seed is sown it grows up and becomes the greatest of all shrubs, and puts forth large branches, so that the birds of the air can make nests in its shade. Mark 4:32

*By grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8

Moravian Prayer: Faithful and steadfast God, our gratitude is too great for words. You have offered us the gift of grace and you have shown us by your son's birth, death and resurrection how to accept this gift through faith.

As we see small sprouts return to earth in springtime, evidence of new life's return after the winter, remind us of the good gifts sent from you, the promise of eternal life with you. Amen.

Lent Day 38: Thankful for love

Love is a driver. The old song says we do things like "walking in the rain and the snow when there's nowhere to go..."

When young men court women, they charm their girlfriends with homemade baking or meals, go shopping, sit for long hours chatting, and restrict their time for online games. I warned my prospective daughters-in-law that such attention would change after marriage. (I like them too much to want them to be surprised by the cycle of courtship.) Love continues to grow but the undivided male focus surely swerves back to a new normal.

Jesus' love got stronger and more demonstrative as he approached the end of his life and the redemption of his Bride. He sat down with friends to talk (Bethany), took time to explain miracles (the fig tree), and finally––in his most awful and wonderful expression of love––he died for us.

Please listen to my favorite song about the amazing scandal of God's mysterious Love. Love, all loves excelling, remains a model for us in marriage, family, and other relationships. (Click here.)

Read more:

*In your great mercies you did not make an end of your people or forsake them. Nehemiah 9:31

*As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command." John 15:9-14 NIV

*The Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me." In the same way he took the cup also, after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me." 1 Corinthians 11:23-25

*When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, "Dear woman, here is your son." And he said to this disciple, "Here is your mother." And from then on this disciple took her into his home. Jesus knew that his mission was now finished. John 19:26–28

Moravian Prayer: Father, forgive us for our sins of ignorance and restore our hope as we remember the suffering, death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. In his name we pray. Amen.

Happy Ash Wednesday

The ugly smudges looked like dirt. "What's that on your forehead?" I asked a friend. We lived in Cambridge, UK, and were learning many religious traditions left behind by low church Protestants.

"It's Ash Wednesday," said Terrie. She explained that her family and she had gone to an early Mass where the priest had crossed their foreheads with ashes after burning last year's palm fronds. They'd wear the cross all day, at work or at rest. The ritual fascinated me.

Though Terrie's family did not evidence faith in Christ by holy living, they celebrated Christianity in a continuous round of traditional calendar events. How many of us will thoughtlessly do the same in the coming season of Lent that leads to Easter?

Most of us will barely reflect on Christ's sacrifice. We'll go to church or skip a Sunday when it's inconvenient to meet. We'll walk through the foyer to settle into a pew, clap along with worship while watching a band on stage, half-listen to a talk by a pastor, and walk out again without any life change. My heart's cry is, "Oh Lord, please don't let that be me this year! Let me remember your life of meekness and your endurance on the cross."

During these seven Lenten weeks, I'm asking God for the ability to surrender to him. While I could stay on my knees forever, repenting for things done and undone, I hear his call to focus on all the wonders of following Christ. How good God has been to humanity - and to me! His love encompasses us and his mercies never fail.

Today, I'm happy, utterly thankful for God's patience as I've muddled my way toward him. How has his grace and longsuffering kept you from harm?

Read more:

* You have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. Psalm 116:8

*The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 NIV

*Joel 2:1-2,12-17; Psalm 51:1-17; 2 Corinthians 5:20b-6:10; Matthew 6:1-6,16-21

*Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him. Matthew 14:29-31

Moravian Prayer: Creator of the universe, only you can deliver our souls from death. When we become overwhelmed with the activities of the world, let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Amen.

Hi, my name is God

Surprise! Another quirky and wonderful find from scripture this week = how God introduces himself.

When I answer the phone, it's usually, "Hi, Rosemarie here." The kids had to say, "Hello, K... residence," and my husband answers with his full name. We're happy to exchange names when we shake hands and meet new people.

Scriptural names not only identified people by name, but described the character of the person, or the expectations and experiences of their parents. So when God introduces himself, he tells us what he's like.

God promises his servant Moses a visit. Here's the account:

Then the LORD came down in a cloud and stood there with him; and he called out his own name, Yahweh. The LORD passed in front of Moses, calling out,

"Yahweh! The LORD!  The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness. I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin.

But I do not excuse the guilty. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations." Exodus 34:5–7 NLT

When God describes himself, he doesn't say, "Hey, I'm the big one around here. Tah-DAH, look at me!" He talks about his compassion and mercy, his patience, love, and integrity. He LAVISHES love, though to be just, he must punish those who refuse to live by his holy standards. (All of us have paid for the sins of others at some time or another, and God promises to give full justice. What a relief.)

I felt a strange disconnect last night, watching the first three episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore show (first time ever). The show was pretty risque, back in the day, tackling issues like the crabby, alcoholic and sexist boss, the swarmy, dumb, but handsome, news anchor, and by-the-book, gone-wrong, parenting by friends and coworkers. 

Something seemed off in the presentation, until I noticed what was making me doubt its comparison to real life. This was it: 

• Mary's housemates popped in and out of her apartment (as did her boss, writing a drunken letter to his wife... the first evening after she started work). Apparently people didn't feel the need to lock their door against intruders in the "big city" of Minneapolis in the 1960s and 70s.
• No one called the police to haul the boss away, or to sue him for sexist behavior. 
• She didn't put a "do not disturb" sign on her door, but listened to the people drifting in and out of her flat. Weird. 
• Her friend dropped her 10-year-old off with Mary, who let the child run out to the corner store for TV dinners ("Put it on my account." There's trust! Plus, I remember how awful take-out food was, and how women who cooked looked down on those who bought instant meals.)

In gaining the "freedom" to do whatever we want, regardless of morals or standards, we've lost our sense of close community and safety. Children live with multiple "parents," sometimes here or there. We drift through relationships without ever finding our heart's home. And we sure can't rely on others to follow through with work or friendships, if they find more convenient options elsewhere.

All the while, God invites us to align ourselves with his nature, rather than to abandon the Great and Good, But Difficult. He promises us his unfailing love and kindness. He introduces himself to us as the faithful One who never changes, whom we can trust without reservation. 

I'm so grateful to be secure, held through the storms of life, regardless of what others do or say. The One who made us knows how to prepare our quiet place of refuge, if we will trust and obey. I want to be someone who is trustworthy and lives with integrity, because the God who introduces himself as Yahweh is boss of me. 

What would your name be, if it described you? I wonder what those around would name me, too. 

Read more:

* O Lord God, you have only begun to show your servant your greatness and your might! Deuteronomy 3:24

*Set all your hope on the grace that Jesus Christ will bring you when he is revealed. 1 Peter 1:13

Moravian Prayer: Eternal God, your promises for our future fill us with excitement. We spend this day, tomorrow and the next day with you. You have promised to keep us for all eternity. Your glory fills our hearts. Amen.

Luv, luv, luv. Luv is all you need

The Beatles expressed the core need of humans for love. They defined a very different and unsatisfying kind of love than what the Bible says we long for. Imagine...

• being loved by someone who knows you, inside and out. And still loves you completely.
• sharing a deep faith that lets you pray and trust together.
• being able to rely on someone in every circumstance and during any temptation.
• knowing your lover consistently loves you, whether you are together or apart.
• loving someone enough to commit to them in sickness or health, in wealth or poverty, from youth to old age, without reservation.
• being able to express love without ever hurting the other person.
• showing love in the way the person needs to experience love, and having them perfectly demonstrate their love the way you prefer.
• showing love by being a good person, moral in values and high standards beyond sexual purity.
• trying to make each other proud by doing your best, no matter how hard the effort.

God's love is just like that. However, the pop band wasn't talking about that kind of commitment. They promoted the "free love" of the 60s and 70s. You could drift from affair to affair without hurting anyone, including yourself, they said.

Once in a while, I read "The Vibrant Woman," a secular blog for women 50 and older. Women write about planning their divorces, secreting away funds, and preparing to leave their partner while keeping the good life. They crow about clandestine trysts with high-school or college sweethearts––how to have "fun" while keeping the truth from their spouses or partners. Women also talk about fading looks, fears of being abandoned as they age, and having dozens of partners without every finding their "Prince Charming." They've lived in commitment-free "love" and tout it as their right.

Their words croak of unhappiness, rather than sing of fulfillment. Many speak of how they've been bruised, beaten by life. Most no longer recognize or admit the satisfaction of being true to one person for a lifetime.

I've certainly not been an ideal wife. Newly married, both of us demonstrated a lack of maturity and care for each other. But it got better as the years went by. We learned a lot.

After I'd had our fourth and last baby, I went for a physical. The doc asked if I was monogamous. I was very surprised by the question.

"Yes, but why do you ask?" I countered.

"I can tell in your body. Good for you. Many partners affect the physical body. I don't see any of the disease and sickness that women pick up, sleeping around. You wouldn't believe how obvious that is, when we do physical exams. And women who have been molested and mistreated flinch and exhibit fear when we have to touch them."

Hmmm. You learn something every visit, I guess. I'd never thought of monogamy as a protection for me physically. Yes, my husband and I committed to be faithful to each other during a time when surrounding culture said that was uncool, that it was silly to save yourself for marriage. (Mind you, our church culture forbade sex before exchanging wedding rings. And our parents would have killed us, figuratively speaking.)

Over 34 years ago, we agreed that trust and love should be ongoing actions, not just feelings. It's been hard slogging at times, but the pay-off is worth it. Prince Charming lives at our house, and he's taking good care of our daughter as she recovers from surgery and I write school papers. Lucky me. (Oh wait, doesn't luck mean no work?)

Who shows you this kind of love, and whom do you love with all your heart?

Read more:

*Psalm 11; Genesis 19:1-29; Matthew 7:1-12

*Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and you are exalted as head above all. 1 Chronicles 29:11

*Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:7-11 

*Speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. Ephesians 4:15

Moravian Prayer: Lord, you are high and lifted up. Your glory fills our lives. We pray the experiences of this day will deepen our faith in you. Help us to keep our lives centered on you. Amen.