The things we hear

How has the past startled you? Have you looked at photos and wondered who you were? Heard a story from a different point of view that changed how you look at things?

I'm 18 years old. I've just spent three hours listening to someone I consider a friend. And Nora has told me how awful my family is: too snobby, too smart, too willful, we think we're too good for others, and our worst crime of all? We're willing to think and do things other families don't try. She says she likes the safety of limits, and she hates that we don't recognize those constraints or stay within them.

I tell Nora she's probably misunderstood us, wave goodbye, and go inside the house. Of course, I write it all down so I can think about it.

Nearly 40 years later, I find that journal entry. (Be careful what you tell a writer.) It's several pages long because the conversation went into great detail about our family's inadequacies. I winced - and shrugged - when I wrote it. And I winced - and shrugged - again when I read it yesterday. It made me sad in some parts and made me laugh aloud in others. The things our family loves - learning, tackling new things, and finding creative solutions - were the very things she resented and disliked in us.

People rarely say what they think to our faces, so then and now I pondered Nora's frank appraisal. I summed up the conversation as "pure poison without a point." But I internalized the fears I heard, Nora's worries of not being enough, of not trusting, and of wishing she was someone else.

I pulled back from her, of course. But I also saw others differently. Nora had named those in our circle in years of interactions that I didn't remember. I'd hurt them and they'd talked behind my back.

Who's talking about you behind your back? Does it influence your behavior? Do you care? There's often a grain of truth in we overhear about ourselves, no matter how strangely the "facts" are presented.

An interesting observation

Nora had a chip on her shoulder and deep insecurities. If others had confronted me, would I have been more serious about my surroundings and been kinder and more careful in my friendships? Probably. That might have meant being less open. Taking fewer risks in exploring what was possible. Not going as many places with as many people. I doubt that was possible, judging from who we all were back then.

As I read the rest of the diary, my shortcomings and imperfections are obvious. Compared to most of my peers, I was a wild-thinking teenager. Modern parents might put me on ADD meds. On the plus side, I was endlessly curious. I easily acquired languages and information. I didn't mind swimming a long way or jumping off cliffs into unknown waters (literally and figuratively. Remember Harrison Lake, you guys?) I might scream while my heart pounded in fear, but I'd try anything once if it wasn't immoral or illegal. I never intended harm even when I felt the least patient with others. (Going to college probably saved my mind.)

Do pacesetters and visionaries take this to heart?

I'm wondering about how we'd redo our lives. Are there things you would change? Do you have regrets about things you've done (or not done?)

Living in the past doesn't serve us. I long ago forgave Nora her attack. I hope she found security and recognizes her value as a person - just as she is, beyond comparison to others. We are who we are. If God is pleased with how he made us, shouldn't we be happy with ourselves?

In heading toward a new culture, reading my diary is helpful. We don't know the signals for caution or avoiding faux pas in Indonesia. We can only trust God, do our best, and ask friends to let us know when we miss the mark or overstep the boundaries.

"Lord have mercy," she says sincerely, shaking her head and closing the journal.

Read more:

*Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136:1, 26 ESV

*Put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your record? Psalm 56:8

*Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. Luke 6:21 ESV 

*But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with a roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved, and the earth and the works that are done on it will be exposed. Since all these things are thus to be dissolved, what sort of people ought you to be in lives of holiness and godliness. 2 Peter 3:10-11 ESV

Moravian Prayer: Heavenly Creator, many lives are filled with grief and sadness. Through your generous grace and lifting spirit, help dry the tears of those who weep and bring comfort and laughter to those who despair. Amen.

CS Lewis in Mere Christianity: And now we begin to see what it is that the New Testament is always talking about. It talks about Christians ‘being born again’; it talks about them ‘putting on Christ’; about Christ ‘being formed in us’; about our coming to ‘have the mind of Christ’.

Put right out of your head the idea that these are only fancy ways of saying that Christians are to read what Christ said and try to carry it out—as a man may read what Plato or Marx said and try to carry it out. They mean something much more than that. They mean that a real Person, Christ, here and now, in that very room where you are saying your prayers, is doing things to you. It is not a question of a good man who died two thousand years ago. It is a living Man, still as much a man as you, and still as much God as He was when He created the world, really coming and interfering with your very self; killing the old natural self in you and replacing it with the kind of self He has. At first, only for moments. Then for longer periods. Finally, if all goes well, turning you permanently into a different sort of thing; into a new little Christ, a being which, in its own small way, has the same kind of life as God; which shares in His power, joy, knowledge and eternity.

Lent Day 16: Get moving!

What a smart man:

Find "Daily Thoughts" from Real Simple here.

Do you crave safety over activity? Prefer to stay where you feel secure rather than venture into the unknown?

For some, a difficult past produces fear about what lies ahead. I had a wonderful childhood. My affirming parents said, "Go ahead and try it!" when I wondered if I could do something I hadn't yet tried. (Mind you, to this day Dad's still learning new things!)

If you're stuck and cautious about what the future holds, consider the following:

1. God knows your past. Your present. AND your future. Nothing surprises him about you as you were, the way you are now, or what you are becoming.
2. God is strong enough to be in control of what's coming. He is able to see you through the best and worst of times. His control oversees the actions of others, too.
3. God is all-wise. If you depend on him, he will steer you through the unknown with perfect wisdom. Because you're human, you may make mistakes. But nothing will steer you so far away that he cannot retrieve you and your situation.
4. God likes - and loves - you. He works all things together for those that love him, to those who are called according to his purpose. (Read Romans 8 for the full scoop.)

If you've committed your life to God, decided to follow and obey him, and have begun to love him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, remember this: He's in charge.

When you feel overwhelmed or frightened, remember that everything is in view for Him. And everything is under HIS control. When our granddaughter was learning to negotiate stairs, she held tightly to our fingers. When she'd slip or take too big of a step, we'd close our hands over hers and keep her from falling.

Step out in obedience and see how God's hands hold you safe. (He's more capable and even more loving than a grandparent!)

Act with confidence, not trepidation. Do your research. Be wise. Then leap into this life that is the adventure of faith! You'll be happy to know that "You're not in Kansas [nor in the same-old same-old life] anymore."

Read more:
*Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I pray to no one but you." Psalm 5:2 NLT

*O God, do not keep silence; do not hold your peace or be still, O God! Even now your enemies are in tumult; those who hate you have raised their heads. Psalm 83:1-2 NEV

*I will go in the strength of the Lord God; I will make mention of your righteousness, of yours only. Psalm 71:16 (NKJV)
*The Lord is not slow about his promise, as some think of slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish, but all to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9 NEV

*Christ was crucified in weakness, but lives by the power of God. For we are weak in him, but in dealing with you we will live with him by the power of God. 2 Corinthians 13:4 NEVMoravian Prayer: With the power of your word, O God, you spoke the universe into being and raised Christ from the dead. Help us always to act with the knowledge that our strength comes from you.

God of all time and eternity, we your human children scurry around frantic with anxiety in the face of opposition. Teach us your patience and assure us that the final victory is yours. Amen.

The beautiful ability to fear

We use the word "fear" variously to describe emotions and attitudes. We may be afraid of:

• physical harm like natural disasters or being homeless or hungry
• scary things that go "boo" on Hallowe'en or frighten us in horror films
• personal phobias like the dark, spiders, small spaces, or airplane trips
• relationships that threaten malice (or envy), political ill-will, and other harms
• being overlooked or deemed insignificant
• think others may interrupt our dreams or disrupt our goals
• approach change with uncertainty or doubt

But we "fear" in other ways, when we:

• respect those with power over us
• honor and admire those who become role models
• worry about the future
• take risks into new challenges beyond our comfort zone (act courageously)

J. T. Lowery

I'm wrestling through an idea from scripture: "Unite my heart to fear your name." (Psalm 86:11 KJV)

My mind stumbled and stopped at the connection between unity of heart and our ability to honor and respect God. When our inner beings are divided, distracted, and scattered, can we comprehend the foundation of our faith--the hinge on which we pivot toward God--which is respectful fear?

Paul writes also that hearts that are divided within faith communities cannot understand or know God: "My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ." Colossians 2:2 (See context below: read more.)

Only when we are single-minded in pursuing our relationship with God and we single-heartedly forgive and accept others in the "bond of peace," can we approach God.

Our common alternatives to such the hard disciplines of unity and love?

• Hail God as a friend or buddy, always on hand to help out or alleviate our loneliness. "You're not alone; you have God's shoulder to lean on." We don't have to change a thing - he's our crutch when we get in trouble. We may feel abandoned and disappointed when God doesn't come through like a cosmic vending machine of goodies.
• Self-help through gurus who tell us how easily (and without sacrifice) to appease God's expectations or ward off bad "karma." Our designer god looks a lot like us and only demands what we are willing to give.
• Hypocrisy and self-deception where we live as "Christians" and claim to be followers of Jesus without giving up secret sins or destructive habits. We look good while ignoring Jesus' blunt warning: "You white-washed tombs. You look nice on the outside but stink of filth and rot inside."
• Procrastination and increased fear. We never resolve the inner conflicts and fragmentation . We spiral further into darkness rather than walking in the light.

Fear of things out of our control will debilitate us.

BUT awe and reverence for God will set us free. 

He's in charge, in control, and strong enough 

to hold all things together by the word of His power.

Are you amazed at his love? Dumbstruck with wonder at his provision?

Harmony isn't a denial of suffering or ignoring of circumstances. Instead, true holistic living begins with willingness to lay down our own fragmented interests and desires to unite our hearts to fear His name.

Both personally and in the community of faith.

Read more:
*For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name for ever. Psalm 86:10-12 NIVUK

*Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, who do his commands; seek righteousness, seek humility. Zephaniah 2:3

*A great wave of persecution began that day, sweeping over the church in Jerusalem; and all the believers except the apostles were scattered through the regions of Judea and Samaria. … But the believers who were scattered preached the Good News about Jesus wherever they went." Acts 8:1, 4 NEV

*Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord. 1 Corinthians 12:4,5

*(Paul) I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments.Colossians 2:1-4

*If you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Colossians 3:1
Moravian Prayer: Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous his thoughts and turn unto the Lord. Amen.