Puff puff, she thinks she can she thinks she can

Mmm. Who knew pistachios, almonds, and chocolate chips tasted so good together? I'm taking a tea and snack break from editing the dissertation.

What great help I got this weekend! Several friends and expert writers sent back their comments on the intro, which was limping along. Others helped clarify the chapters.

One gentle soul worried that I would be offended at her note, of "What the heck is this?" (She put it much more politely.) No worries. I am SO ready to finish this project; every willing eye and knowledgeable critic gets kudos rather than kicks from me.

God reminded me today how important the various gifts are, in his Body. I've been grinding through this dissertation since the chapters started to form in October. Being so close to the research, I need outside readers to point out my mistakes, unclear meanings, and obscure wording.

It feels like the end is within reach, though I have three more editors to please between this week and "The End" of it all = my advisor, my formatting editor, and my copy editor. I'm not sure I can meet my deadline to send the dissertation for formatting on Friday, but it won't be because I didn't try.

I've always heard that spouses are just as happy as the graduate. It was true for me when W finished at Gloucester. I suspect "relief" will express only a teeny part of his emotions, since both of us are really really really ready to be done. (I know; in scholarly writing you rarely use really.)

The question people continue to ask is, "What will you do after you're finished?" After five years of study, God has given me a small inkling about what this is for. But it's not set in stone. I've learned perseverance. To organize my writing. To find out what I dislike. And that I love writing.

Hmmm. What will I be doing after it's handed in and defended? I expect that will become clear in time. (Maybe God will give me the summer off. Maybe I'll be doing crazy prep for something else.) Meanwhile, Waldemar's helping me sort edits and post-grad options. Thanks, hon.

Ok, break's over. That means it's time to banish myself to the tub to do another read-through.

Read more:

*Watchword for the Week - Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. Psalm 147:5

*To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:1-5 NIV 

*On that day the root of Jesse shall stand as a signal to the peoples; the nations shall inquire of him. Isaiah 11:10

*Paul wrote: If you, a wild olive shoot, were grafted in to share the rich root of the olive tree, do not boast over the branches. If you do boast, remember that it is not you that support the root, but the root that supports you. Romans 11:17-18

*Isaiah 40:21-31; Psalm 147:1-11,20c; 1 Corinthians 9:16-23; Mark 1:29-39


Moravian Prayer: God, today we gather to sing our alleluias to you. On this our day of worship, we acknowledge that it is not us but Jesus Christ who made it all possible through his love to each of us. Help us to stand together as a living branch extended from that love. Amen. 

The weight of words

Scholars love words. Some researches prefer words to people.


But I'm finding there is a heavy weight in words. When I started my dissertation and wrote the first paper on it, I couldn't find information on early Pentecostal missionary women. Meanwhile, a friend wrote a fantastic dissertation on the rhetoric of early Pentecostal women (Joy Qualls, Regent University) and there are more papers coming down the pipeline all the time.


I'm drowning in all the information I'm supposed to know as "background" for my own findings. As I'm rewriting an article (to be defended in place of tutorial exams), I've begun rereading the print-outs, books, and pages I've assembled in my file cabinet. I feel strangled by the weight of words pressing on me. And I still have two big phases of defense and writing left, though I'm hoping to finish with them this year.

If I don't get through this year, I'm taking the summer off to breathe before tackling the beast again in the fall. My worry is that so many of us are writing at the same time: if I don't get my work approved, who knows if someone else's work will make mine moot. Argh. Even in the last five years, the topic seems to be covered better and better. Another year? I might have to toss my work out altogether.


Barbara Cavaness, who kicked off Assemblies of God research on their female missionaries with her groundbreaking dissertation on single female missionaries, gave me access to her file cabinet. She has neatly sorted articles and copies and papers on all kinds of studies done about missionaries, especially single women. And she hasn't had the time or heart to pass them on since she wrote almost a decade ago.

I'm afraid that may happen to me as well. Many scholars get so attached to all the things we've collected that it wraps itself around us. I suspect that I'm going to be happy to let everything go, though. This process has become a burden, boring me with its minucia, fiddles with editing, and the sheer volume of sameness. Though I want to focus, I'm like the little boy in the picture, lifting what doesn't feel real. After a while, it seems like I'm going backwards rather than forwards. It's like shopping in 101 malls, all of which have the same stores with slightly different displays.


Oh Lord, help! Let me not be wasting my time and yours as I bench press through the weight of scholars before me!


What's weighing you down or causing you to put life on hold?


Read more:

*Then Moses climbed the mountain to appear before God. The LORD called to him from the mountain and said, "Give these instructions to the family of Jacob; announce it to the descendants of Israel: 'You have seen what I did to the Egyptians. You know how I carried you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. Now if you will obey me and keep my covenant, you will be my own special treasure from among all the peoples on earth; for all the earth belongs to me. And you will be my kingdom of priests, my holy nation.' This is the message you must give to the people of Israel." Exodus 19:3–6 NLT

*I call with all my heart; answer me, O LORD, and I will obey your decrees. I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes. I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. Psalm 119:145-147 NIV

*"And don't address anyone here on earth as 'Father,' for only God in heaven is your spiritual Father. And don't let anyone call you 'Teacher,' for you have only one teacher, the Messiah. The greatest among you must be a servant. But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." Matthew 23:9–12 NLT