Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Eternal peace or insecurity?

My husband is writing a paper on the idea of "once saved, always saved," an issue that seems contentious at worst, confusing at best. How nice to have a theologian in the house - his work and passion to know God inspire me to a closer walk with God, too.

I read Scripture this morning, still mulling over last night's conversation about some theologians who want to give us peace in following Jesus. They so passionately want us not to fear that we'll "lose our salvation" that they are willing to say, "If you've ever made a commitment to Christ, you're safe, no matter how badly you behave thereafter." ("Hell be damned, I'm gonna live like the devil because I'm in!") Other teachers are so worried of us sinning that they say, "If we fall away, we deceived ourselves and were actually never saved in the first place." ("Holy insecurity!")

Yet I read in God's Word:
         Grace and peace to you from him who is, and who was, and who is to come, and from the seven spirits before his throne, and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth.

To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father-to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.

Look, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him; and all the peoples of the earth will mourn because of him.  So shall it be! Amen.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:4-8 NIV

Here's what I understand:
  • God, holy and magnificent above what we can grasp, is utterly terrifying to humanity.
  • Our Maker restored the possibility of a relationship between us, based not on our merits or works, but on his amazing provision through a Sacrifice that satisfies his justice and demonstrates his love.
  • Woohoo! We are free; we live in harmony and beauty; we are pardoned from anything we have done or will do. (Yeah, my heart is dancing with joy!)
  • When he comes back, we will understand the past, present, and future grace and peace he extends to us. THAT will be a celebration unlike any other for those who love him. (In contrast, the realization will be an unthinkable horror for those who rejected him.)
  • It's an honor to live as God's kings and priests among our fellows, inviting them by words and by peaceful, moral, exuberant lives, into relationship with our God.
  • God will examine how we lived and reward us in absolute justice, according to our choice to live in him or spurn his friendship.
Am I insecure? Can I lose intimacy with God like a letter I drop on the way to the post office? Nope, I'm safe in the hands of a mighty Lord who keeps me. However, he expects me to press in, to align with his character, and to serve him and others as his emissary. He also lovingly allows me to walk away and reject him, even when that means I deliberately choose to end our relationship.

We choose Life! To THE ONE, who was, is, and is to come, be glory, honor, power, dominion, authority, praise... over all, and in you and me... as we worship with right living and joyful retelling of his goodness. AMEN.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Peace like a river

The inflatable kayak floats across the ripples, our paddles dipping on either side. The water laps against the prow where Missy sits, queen of the boat.


We had a good laugh Saturday after we took a turn around Green Lake. When W began to deflate the kayak near the car, Missy jumped on the prow. W wiped the bottom of the kayak clean and started to roll it up. The dog sat on the end until the last minute: "What? You think you're done already? I want some more!" She loves sitting on the front, watching the ducks float by, relaxing in her life jacket.

We all like being on the water. It's calming exercise that feels like fun, and sweet time together. Reading Isaiah this morning, I thought of the cleansing water God provides for our souls. Unlike other World Religions who atone by sacrifice or good works, or teach their adherents to ignore and live beyond their sins, Christians find forgiveness and new life in Christ.

The sacrifice has already been offered and accepted, once for all. Yet how difficult it is for us to accept that without adding our own work to salvation! Today, obeying and resting in God's provision, we will find contentment and peace. God calls us to examine his wonderful proposal, to ask questions, to reason with him. He promises that we will find everything we seek and long for... in Him alone.

How do your plans for the day embrace his offer?


Read more:
*People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore correction will go astray. Proverbs 10:17 NLT


*Come now, and let us reason together,” says the LORD, “ Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land, but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be devoured by the sword”; for the mouth of the LORD has spoken. Isaiah 1:18-20 NKJV


*Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV

Friday, September 2, 2011

Not too old after all

"Moses was eighty years old, and Aaron was eighty-three when they made their demands to Pharaoh." Exodus 7:7 NLT

Wow, Moses was an old guy - and so was his brother - by the time God called them to lead the people. They had the power and authority of old people, too. They knew who their God was, after many experiences and challenges. They probably knew what they were and weren't capable of... yet God overrode those expectations by giving them stamina for the drudgery of travel and doing incredible miracles through them.

Though Moses objected to his stuttering, he never complained that he was too old for leadership. In today's culture, where senior leaders (even in churches) discard experienced staff for young'uns "who get it," we could learn a lot from God's choice.

God did not seek out a hot youngster with the energy and drive to ride the trends and think "out of the box." The slaves were headed into the desert, for crying out loud. Wouldn't a creative thinker have been great? The Israelites might have had better success with someone who could figure out a direct route across the hot sands! Instead, God chose a seasoned man with past failures that had disqualified him for leadership, a quick temper, a world-class education, and the patience to herd sheep for 40 years.

Caleb and Joshua were not yet ready to take the helm when Moses took the ship's wheel. It would also take them 40 years to understand God's heart, to be proven faithful, and to fight battles that scarred and toughened them and set their faces forward for war and peace.

While you've been beating the bushes for Joshua and Caleb, who's been sitting in your ranks, wise and knowledgeable, waiting to be called to lead the pack?

Is she or he as trustworthy as Moses, unafraid to mentor the next generation through their own growing seasons so they are ready for serious responsibilities?

Maybe we're the ones, looking around and saying, "Hey, are you sure, God? I feel I'm past my prime and no one will listen to me. I'm too old for this. My energy is waning. My memory is going..."

When God says, "Get up. GO! NOW! I AM with you," will we follow him, so that he can lead others through us?

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, 
but if you want to test a man's character, 
give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others; 
it is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Back to school

The kids are not the only ones going back to school. I've picked up the pace on studies again, flipping through notes from winter and spring, reading original journals of missionaries and early Pentecostals, while grinding through edits and revisions along the way.

If our brains need stimulation to keep growing and strong, it pays to keep learning and trying new things. Hope the studies don't make me lose my mind instead!

Our bodies get bored, too. I'm about ready to get off this chair to take the dog for a walk.

How about our spirits? I listened to a reading of Genesis 10-15, the journey from Babel to Abraham in Canaan, awaiting a promised son.

Abraham's father was also on the way to Canaan, but stopped in Haran. Had God called him, too? Only after his father died did Abraham move westward toward the promised country. Even then, Abraham knew so little about God. Scripture was not yet written, God made personal appearances, and sacrifices were the norm. Abraham trusted and obeyed (faith), but he also attempted to "help" God to realize the promises, with disastrous, long-lived consequences.

My morning's meditation was "The God who Knows." I sat enthralled, considering our God who is never confused, surprised, or out of options. Then a phrase from previous meditations began to insert itself: "The Beloved God."

Finally, my heart came to rest on "The Beloved God who Knows." Ah, who else has a God like this? He knows us. Carries us in our weaknesses. Loves us. Wants us to love him in return. Embraces us with care and benevolence.

May our bodies, souls. and spirits be devoted to loving him today with the obedience of wholehearted trust.

What's your back-to-school "aha" today? Are there impossibilities that God wants to answer in a miraculous way?
  • Letting a little one go for that first day of school
  • Believing that healing is on its way
  • Trusting that financial challenges will be met
  • Provision for that difficult relationship
  • Meeting the needs of a troubled family, friendship group, or congregation
  • Or?

Read more:
*But Moses protested again, "What if they won't believe me or listen to me? What if they say, 'The Lord never appeared to you'?"

Then the LORD asked him, '"What is that in your hand?"

"A shepherd's staff," Moses replied.

"Throw it down on the ground," the LORD told him. So Moses threw down the staff, and it turned into a snake! Moses jumped back.

Then the LORD told him, "Reach out and grab its tail." So Moses reached out and grabbed it, and it turned back into a shepherd's staff in his hand. Exodus 4:1–4 NLT

*Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. Jeremiah 32:28 NIV 

*But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. 1 Peter 2:9-10 NIV

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Good for a laugh and a night out!

Don't miss the new season of Taproot Theatre coming soon... after the end of this one!

Taproot Theatre concludes 35th Anniversary Season with An Ideal Husband

Oscar Wilde’s comedic classic opens on September 23

SEATTLE – August 16, 2011 – Taproot Theatre brings the work of one of Britain’s wittiest playwrights to the stage this fall with Oscar Wilde’s An Ideal Husband. Dandies and diamonds swirl in and out of this comedic classic. Sir Robert appears to be the ideal husband, until a choice from early in his career comes back to haunt him. Can he be restored to his adoring wife or will the truth be everyone’s undoing? This smart satire sparkles with wit and romance. Written by Oscar Wilde and directed by Karen Lund, An Ideal Husband opens on September 23 and runs through October 22, with previews on September 21 and 22.

Although perhaps lesser known than Wilde’s beloved The Importance of Being Earnest, An Ideal Husband captures all of his wit and sparkle. Wilde was an Irish writer and poet, and one of the great playwrights of the Victorian era. He is known for his short stories, his one novel—The Picture of Dorian Gray—and a number of plays including An Ideal Husband, The Importance of Being Earnest, Lady Windermere’s Fan and A Woman of No Importance.

An Ideal Husband premiered at the Haymarket Theatre in January 1895 and ran for 124 performances. In addition to being produced countless times at theatres around the world, it has also been adapted for television, radio and film, including the 1999 film starring Julianne Moore, Cate Blanchett and Rupert Everett.

The production features a talented cast of Ryan Childers, Anne Kennedy, Aaron Lamb, Adrienne Littleton, Joe Monroe, Pam Nolte, Nolan Palmer, Simon Pringle, Candace Vance, Nikki Visel and Sarah Ware. The production team includes scenic and sound designer Mark Lund, costume designer Nanette Acosta and lighting designer Jody Briggs. Anne L. Hitt serves as stage manager and Sonja Lowe as dramaturg.

Following An Ideal Husband, Taproot Theatre presents Beasley’s Christmas Party, running November 18 through December 30 (opening on November 25).


An Ideal Husband
By Oscar Wilde
Directed by Karen Lund

WHEN: September 21-October 22 (Wednesday-Thursday, 7:30 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, 8 p.m.; Saturday matinees, 2 p.m.)

Dates to note:
·         Previews: September 21 & 22, 7:30 p.m.
·         Opening night: Friday, September 23, 8 p.m.
·         Pay What You Can: September 28, 7:30 p.m.
·         Senior Matinee: October 5, 2 p.m.
·         Student Matinees: October 11
·         Post-play Discussions: Wednesday nights, excluding preview

WHERE: Taproot Theatre Company, 204 North 85th Street, Seattle, WA 98103

TICKETS: Tickets are available online at www.taproottheatre.org/buy-tickets/ and through Taproot Theatre’s box office, in person or by phone at 206.781.9707. Tickets range from $20-35, depending on the performance. Taproot offers a $3 senior/student discount off regular priced tickets (excludes previews). $10 tickets are available for ages 25 and under. Tickets for the senior matinee are $20. Discounts are available for parties of 8 or more through Group Sales; call 206.781.9708. Tickets for the pay-what-you-can performance are available day of show at the box office only; contact the box office for details.

ABOUT: Dandies and diamonds swirl in and out of this comedic classic.  Sir Chiltern appears to be the ideal husband, until a choice from early in his career comes back to haunt him.  Can he be restored to his adoring wife or will the truth be everyone’s undoing?  This smart satire sparkles with wit and romance.

ABOUT TAPROOT THEATRE COMPANY
Taproot Theatre Company is a professional, non‐profit theatre company with a multi‐faceted production program. Founded in 1976, Taproot Theatre serves the Pacific Northwest with Mainstage Productions, Touring Productions and the Acting Studio. Taproot exists to create theatre that explores the beauty and questions of life while bringing hope to our search for meaning. Taproot Theatre Company is a member of Theatre Communications Group (TCG), Theatre Puget Sound (TPS), and the Greenwood‐Phinney Chamber of Commerce.

Thanks to our opening night sponsor, The Upper Crust. Support for Taproot Theatre’s 2011 Mainstage season is generously provided by The Charles Simonyi Fund for Arts and Sciences, The Seattle Foundation, ArtsFund, 4Culture, PONCHO and Nesholm Family Foundation.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Living in real time

Today I'm deciding if I graduate in April of 2012 or 2013.

Actually, I'm setting in place the pieces that would help me decide, so I'm not engulfed by details one way or the other In October when graduation requests are due. Emily's blog has given me reassurance for riding the surge of normalcy I have been feeling. "Go for it, with freedom that comes from seeking God," she calls to us all.

In the thick of last winter and spring, depressed, overwhelmed, sick from grey skies, drizzle, and cool dampness, I couldn't focus on studies. When I looked at research, I swam through a fog where none of it made sense or stuck in my head, flailing in a churning tide where ideas refused to fall into written data. The resistance was so great, both inside and outside, that I put off the decision about graduation. It was a great relief to say, "Maybe, we'll see," rather than, "I plan to be done in 2012."

It's time to plan as though the future is more open than I thought last winter. I have to harness the good and energy for the year ahead during these days of physical light, when summer's given us a warm week of sunshine, when my body feels alert and coming back to life, when possibility again seems possible...

Yeah, I have SADs, like my grandma did. She told us every February that this was her last year, that she was sure to be dying soon... every February for over 20 years. This winter, I'm putting the SADs light on a 6 hour timer from October through June. My body has to pretend it's nice out, though my mind knows Seattle will close in like every year with its dark cold.

At the end of summer, my office feels like a safe lively place to work, rather than like an obligation to sit myself down for another day of failure. In the logic of yesterday's sunshine, I can think about where to stay when I do research in Missouri, which advisers to meet in October, and which books to re-read while my head is clear.

We only have the choice to live today. This hour. This minute. I'm not thinking of time as a clock, though the West couches time as a pace through the the hours.

I'm thinking of time and timelessness, the flow of eternity, into our lifetimes, and beyond again. There's no crisis about encountering a segment of time. Eventually, God's timelessness embraces us after death. Real time means walking life through with prayerful best intentions, good information, and one foot in front of the other in the world and our interior life. The minute or hour may include intense concentration, relaxed solitude, scheduling the future, or planning a project.

But this time, this real time, is all God gives us. Now. One minute, one hour, one day... after another until our days are done.

I don't know what challenges face you today. Your issues - joyful or dreaded - may be with health, finances, relationships, or other things.

Today I know that whether or not 2012 turns out to be my year for graduation or slogging through more pages, God is faithful. I'm still alive, the sun has shone in Seattle for a whole week of warm weather, and the future rests firmly in his hands. Let's commit everything to him, to see what he will be for us, and what He will do in and around us.

Thanks be to God.

Read more:
*But Moses pleaded with the LORD, "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled."

Then the L
ORD asked Moses, "Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD?Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say."

But Moses again pleaded, "Lord, please! Send anyone else."
Then the LORD became angry with Moses. "All right," he said. "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he speaks well. And look! He is on his way to meet you now. He will be delighted to see you. Talk to him, and put the words in his mouth. I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do. Aaron will be your spokesman to the people. He will be your mouthpiece, and you will stand in the place of God for him, telling him what to say. And take your shepherd's staff with you, and use it to perform the miraculous signs I have shown you."

Before Moses left Midian, the Lord said to him, "Return to Egypt, for all those who wanted to kill you have died." So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey, and headed back to the land of Egypt. In his hand he carried the staff of God.

And the LORD told Moses, "When you arrive back in Egypt, go to Pharaoh and perform all the miracles I have empowered you to do. But I will harden his heart so he will refuse to let the people go." Exodus 4:10–21 NLT

*Now the Lord had said to Aaron, "Go out into the wilderness to meet Moses." So Aaron went and met Moses at the mountain of God, and he embraced him. Moses then told Aaron everything the Lord had commanded him to say. And he told him about the miraculous signs the Lord had commanded him to perform." Exodus 4:27–28 NLT

*Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV

Friday, August 26, 2011

Row'in down the river

Actually, we were paddling. And the Sammamish River feels more like a slough, not a real river.

We took the inflatable Sea Eagle kayak up the quiet creek after dropping it into the water at Bothell Landing. What a tranquil, slow-paced evening! We spent about two hours dipping paddles on alternate sides of the boat.

I giggled off and on for two hours yesterday on our first outing with W's new toy. The boat kept turning from side to side. I saw more riverbank than I've seen in a year of canoeing. It took effort on W's part to get anywhere at all. His shoulders were sore today from all the hard work.

I'd paddle a bit, but when we'd shoot off toward the side, I'd stop to wait for W to get us back on track. I sit pretty still and paddle evenly, but without a rudder (skeg, the little white fin under the back), the twists and turns added a few lengths to our journey. Like I said, it really made me laugh. Today W put on the skeg, and the pace evened out.

On nights like this, I thank God for the abundance and beauty around us. The blackberries hung in great clumps on the riverbanks. Fish jumped to get the little flies hovering above the water surface. Yesterday, two herons poked about the shallows, fishing for supper. Today, several families and their kids drifted by in boats and kayaks.
We're trying out these kayaks for next year's family reunion in Hungry Horse, Montana. "These will be great to float down Glacier River," W enthused.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking a slow quiet drift around Lion Lake would be more my speed.

Missy, our toy poodle, loves the kayak. She lays down on the tarp covering the bow and relaxes while we work. When we pulled the kayak onto a dock to add more air, she didn't move. She sat happily a foot above the ground, waiting for us to get back on the water. She doesn't mind her life jacket, and doesn't fuss when we lift her by the handle on the top of the jacket. Another quality to add to the perfect dog: good sailor.

The sun is going down, the work week is ending, and we are grateful to God for his tender mercies, new every morning and long into the night.


Read more:
*Praise the LORD. How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him! The LORD builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the exiles of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. Psalm 147:1-5 NIV

*On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” John 7:37-38 NKJV



Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The truth about... Healthcare

Everyone seems to have their own viewpoint, and of course, "everyone is right in their own mind." After hearing so many negative remarks about socialized healthcare, here's my personal experience. For what it's worth.

One of the heated debates of the past years has been universal healthcare for Americans. A former coworker posted a note from a chair in a government waiting room. His surroundings were sticky, dirty, and crowded. He used the germ-y setting to note that he wouldn't want the US govt to run healthcare. Hmmm, is that a bit like saying we wouldn't want our surgeon's office to administrate our bus drivers? Or that we wouldn't want our plumber's union to be in charge of driver's ed because they're not competent in licensing drivers?

In response to the first post, another former coworker sent a video link of some actor exploring healthcare in Canada. Not pleasant, this footage. He flew to Montreal, found a clinic closed on the weekend ("Go to the emergency room" where he had to wait for service, etc.) and otherwise was not impressed. I watched the Canada healthcare video - from Montreal (not the most efficient, those Quebecois, either at grocery stores, serving customers in shops, etc.) That's comparing the worst of one place with the best at home... the debate might be different if we'd ask those who can't afford good healthcare (and who also have no power to effect change).

May I note the following after watching the clip on YouTube? Waiting can be a nightmare in the doctor's offices of the US as well as Canada, not to mention the chaos of urban emergency rooms... (as we've experienced with ongoing appointments with our children over the years.) Many clinics close on weekends in the USA, and US city hospital emergency rooms are often so overcrowded that patients go from hospital to hospital to find someone to treat them unless it's critical care. Even then, patients report long waits and incompetent treatment.

Okay, now about me. HA HA

We had our first three kids in Canada @ free (1st 2) and $5 (Timo). That included excellent prenatal care, 3-4 day hospital stays ("Do you think you'd like to go home today, my dear? You can stay another day if you like,") several pediatric nurse home visits (they came to our house after the babies were born to teach us to bathe the baby, answer questions, give practical help), free vaccinations, pediatrician visits, etc. which was all included in our $300/yr premium. I'm sure it's much more now, but let's compare apples to apples - Jono was born within 3 years of our move to the US from Canada.

After insanely steep premiums, thankfully matched by our employer, Jono cost us $2000. That didn't include our deductible. I went for five awful doc visits that took forever, both in scheduling and once we got to the office. No family doctor would see us; we had to go to a "specialist" OB/Gyn. (Lawsuits made it too risky for her, said our family doc.) We had an Ultrasound done for a reasonable amount in Vancouver with our former family doctor, who sent the files to the specialist in Seattle; we couldn't afford the test in our adopted land.

When Jono was born at our local well-respected (Overlake) hospital, a doc who was on call and who I didn't know, got there just in time to catch the baby. He left a few minutes after checking that the baby and afterbirth were healthy. My own doc had been at the symphony that night so "wasn't available" at midnight when we got to the hospital.

I called for the nurses when I was ready to push. They'd left me and W on our own after check-in, including my trip to the restroom a few minutes before I rang the nurses that I was about to deliver. Within a few minutes, Jono arrived. They scrambled to get things ready and call a doctor (as above). The nurses put the baby on my stomach after checking our vitals and swaddling him in a towel. They gave him eye-drops, and since it was slow on the floor with no other moms-to-be that night, they walked away and forgot all about us. I could hear them laughing and visiting with each other at the nursing station for 3 hours.

I finally pressed the call button at 3.30am and said, "Anyone want this baby? I have to sleep." Jono hadn't been washed, cared for, or otherwise cleaned up other than vitals taken, and a swish with a towel... I was exhausted, dirty, and numb from trying not to have my baby slip off me.

"Oops," said the nurses. "You were so quiet we forgot about you." (Dear W had gone home as well, in the day before cellphones were common.) The nurses cleaned me up (oh yes, I was still filthy from giving birth.) They settled me into room about 4am, and started clanging about at 5.30am, talking loudly to each other in the hall, slamming the swinging doors open and shut nearby, and otherwise making it impossible to sleep.

"Help yourself, dear," said the nurses to my inquiry about the ziplock bag of pain-pills, enemas, and hernia cream left on my night table. "We'll count the meds you used after you leave and add the tab to your bill."

What?! I told them they could just carry the lot back to the pharmacy. I'd never heard of such careless medical treatment. They tabulated every bed pad, swab, piece of laundry, and utensil used for and around us... and added that to our bill as well. We were stunned at the exact bean-counting when we received several different invoices in the mail, from every department that could have billed us.

I went home at noon the next day, absolutely wiped out and glad to be out of their "excellent" medical care. Our $2000 covered 5 pre-birth visits to the doc (I couldn't endure more of the indifferent, impersonal appointments), the one-day hospital stay, one 6-week post-op doc visit, no home care, no doc's calls to see if we were doing ok... and none of the other extras which "terrible" socialized Canadian medicine had conditioned us to expect after having a baby. Subsequently, we paid for every  trip the kids and I made to the doc (not many, as you can imagine). We visited our folks in Canada every time a vaccination was due... Jono got his shots done free at our hometown Canadian health clinic.

Years later while living in England, we took Jono to a clinic (more "awful" socialized medicine) where he got exceptional treatment, a reasonable waiting time in a clinic, and a reasonable invoice. Socialized medicine? We'd take it over the robbery and over-charging that passes for private care here anytime!

Maybe the issue is perspective, though. Maybe our experience included the best Canada had to offer vs. the worst of American healthcare, exorbitant payment for relatively good and bad care. Our boys had good treatment here when their lungs collapsed lungs. They might have done as well in Canada for less money. Our daughter continues to seek treatment for arthritis, but says after exploring many options, her docs throw up their hands and say, "We don't know what else to do." She could probably get that in Canada, England, Germany, or other "socialized" countries as well. (However, more medication options are available in Europe and Asia because drug companies don't have to go through the expensive certification processes here.)

Maybe it's a moral dilemma. Greed drives business, including healthcare, in the West. This country's residents are independent-minded, not wanting people to know our business, wanting to customize our experiences. No one wants to be lumped in with others in government-run healthcare because we aren't impressed with other gov't agencies. Trust and confidence is very low.

Docs enter the field for various reasons, not all of them noble, both in Canada and the USA. Many healthcare providers find their insurance premiums so high in the US ($230,000 annual premium for my ear, nose, and throat specialist in 1990), or have long line-ups for patients in Canada, so they treat people like numbers instead of caring for them as individuals. Such attitudes rarely underly good medical care.

My folks and W's have good doctors in Canada. We've been mostly happy with our docs here, too. Our family isn't very picky who treats us for routine care. Since my doc went on maternity leave 14 years ago, I haven't bothered to get another family physician. W's doc seems competent for him and did fine on our occasional visits with the kids. He'd probably work well for me when I need a doc some day.

The media makes a big deal out of the healthcare issue, so political debates become cumbersome, ineffective, and unwieldy. Our Ami friends are terrified of hostile health takeovers by their government. Meanwhile, our family has experienced both sides of the healthcare border and the ongoing debates. We'd rather pay a reasonable amount for similar care. We're living here, happy to be here, and paying through the teeth like everyone else. We're puzzled and bemused by the fear of our friends and the media hype about the dangers of  "socialized medicine."

I bet human and government inertia and an increasing demand for health services keeps us just where we are. The Americans who stay home because they can't afford to fly to Asia or Europe for cheap, up-to-date treatment will continue to lose their shirts, houses, and savings to emergency or old age care. Canadian docs will keep moving to the USA to get rich. Wealthy Canadians will gladly follow these doctors to the USA or go abroad for the services and experience the docs take with them. The rest of Canadians will take what they can get from their government-run healthcare, happy to stay at home as long as possible, without ruinous medical costs.

What's your experience? Are you happy with the care, costs, and future of healthcare where you live in the Americas, Europe, or Asia?

Be in good health!

"Thank you, thank you!" I said to God, driving back from an errand this morning. The women I met with have smoker's voices, rough, raw, coarse. Their skin has wrinkled and their lips have puckered from smoking. Sin is its own punishment, says my husband, and it looks true on these dear women's faces.

I'm transcribing the diaries of Alice Wood, missionary to South and Central America in the early 1900s. Alice suffered mental and physical anguish, yet she was determined to share Good News. She writes of fevers, nervous attacks, and migraines, among her other ailments. Typing out her journals brings her suffering into my office, where I sit with a cup of tea, good health, and warm shelter.

In contrast, our daughter-in-love Rebekah ran, cycled, and swam this weekend in a women's event. Her sister, who does similar competitions each year, persuaded R to join her in the fun. They successfully completed the race and beat their time goals to boot! We are really proud of both sisters. Their training efforts and health choices paid off! (However, we miss her smile in our family photo below, taken Sunday.)

My folks remain healthy in their late 70s, walking daily, eating well, and boosting food with supplements. Dad's become knowledgeable in vitamins, minerals, and alternative health therapies. Compared to their siblings and peers, my parents are energetic, able to work and play with vigor, and continue to thrive.

Seattle weather, which recently cooperated with dry ground or sunny skies, turned ugly and rainy yesterday. Our daughter Kirsten is visiting for a few weeks from sunny Austin. She came out of her room this morning barely able to move, handing her dog Zoe over so I could take the dogs to the groomer. Yesterday, Zoe got her vaccines and a vet exam so she can travel on the plane to Austin with K Thursday. Zoe must have been uncomfortable from the shots: she was restless in the night. That didn't help Kirsten rest after RA joint pains hit her during yesterday's rainstorm. (We're reminded every time a storm blows in why K can't live in Seattle. Even visits are debilitating and painful. Sincere thanks to each friend who remembers to pray for her!)

Thinking about all these circumstances, the struggling and the successful, I felt most grateful for health and strength to complete my daily tasks. I wiggled my toes, moved my spine around the driver's seat, and tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, singing along with hymns of gratitude on my playlist.

God reminded me of missionary and scientist Paul Brand's work with lepers. Instead of focusing on the horrors of the illness, Brand remained joy-filled because so much "was going right," even in leprous body systems. Humans are complex creatures, Brand maintained. His research showed that the most gravely ill body compensated internally to maintain its health and strength. When systems were overwhelmed, the body kept trying alternatives. "Miraculous!" Brand said. "Our bodies are the amazing work of God!"

Thank you, God, for every bit of well-being!" My heart soared, so glad to be healthy and living in a country where medical treatment is available. None of our privileges are deserved or earned. We could be destitute, mortally ill, or isolated. Some of us may have these things in our past, present, or future. Somehow, God's presence is always enough for the hours. "As your days, so shall your strength be," says scripture.

I am grateful for the mercy of this day, beginning with the rising of the sun. God is good. He is Enough and Abundance, in pleasure or pain.


I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When sorrow walked with me.

by poet Robert Browning Hamilton


Read more:
*O LORD, You are my God. I will exalt You, I will praise Your name, for You have done wonderful things; your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth. Isaiah 25:1 NKJV

*I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:1-2 NKJV

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Brown's Syndrome: perpetual music

"Would you rather give up your sight or your hearing?" a friend asked me ten years ago, on our way to a piano concert in Seattle.

Without hesitating, I exclaimed, "That's a no-brainer! Hearing, of course. Music would still be going on in my head." Until yesterday, I didn't know how or why. Thanks to Dr. Steven Brown for describing what I'll call "Brown's Syndrome." (Download a PDF of the complete article at The Perpetual Music Track.)

...I'm playing air-piano on my arm and my teeth are clicking a rhythm. "What's the song?" I ask myself, turning in. Oh yeah. It's a loop of a hymn I recently learned while listening to British Christian radio. I sing along in my head for a while, then zone out to watch traffic.

We're on our way home from Vancouver, BC, where we celebrated my brother's wedding yesterday and my daughter's 30th birthday today. The music persists, looping around until I zoom in again, then fades into the background while I remember details of the bride's stunning dress, a visit with Kirsten's friend at a fabulous raw food restaurant (Organic Lives), and the lush green summer outside the car windows.

I change the song a few times, but the same melody and words are back when I check in after a few minutes.

"It's time to find out if there's a name for this!" Maybe someone has written a paper on waking up at night or in the morning and checking the internal soundtrack, before drifting back into sleep or wakefulness.

I Google "persistent music in my head" and come up with an article by Stephen Brown at SFU. Brown calls the symptom "The Perpetual Music Track," and says none of his friends can relate. Their heads are full of words, pictures, or quiet.

Brown describes PMT in detail, using his experience as a case study. Like me, Dr. Brown took music lessons from early childhood on, and considers himself an amateur musician. In those with PMT:

  • known and improvised tunes loop through the conscious and unconscious.
  • the tunes don't stop, though they can be temporarily replaced by conscious effort.
  • even when unaware of the music, the body responds by "playing piano," tapping, conducting, moving. I find myself clicking my back teeth to rhythms when I can't hum, whistle, or fidget toes, feet, or fingers.  I suspect my brother has PMT: he taps or hums into almost any silence. I don't know that he's thought about the persistence of music in his head. It just is. Most of the time we don't realize the music track is going. If there's external quiet, I might check in to see what I'm singing or playing inside. Mostly, I move through the day and night, music coming and going throughout my body.
  • music in dreams can be experienced and composed far beyond what happens in wakefulness. Oh the songs I've written, played, and conducted! (Mind you, the paintings and drawings of my dreams are amazing, too.) It's disappointing to forget completely upon waking, because the melody and harmony -- or line and color -- can be defined and reworked in dreams in such detail that I'm positive I could never forget them. Oops. Eye blink. Morning light. Gone!
  • we just live with it. Though it's distracting at times to stream the plethora of notes and lines, we might as well enjoy it. There's no turning it off. A few years ago, the silence in my head turned off for a few months. It felt weird and lonely; my whole body felt empty and quiet without music.

I postulate Beethoven wrote his best music while deaf because he had no external interruptions of his music loops. I've thought many times about what it would be like to be able to refine phrases over and over without overlays of noise. What subtleties of orchestration, rhythm, harmonies, and melodies could emerge without other sounds breaking in? The greatest frustration would be like Beethoven's: not being able to hear the result of the score composed in the void of silence. Then I wonder, how are Beethoven's rhythms and melodies related to feeling his pulse, swallowing, the slow drip of lymphatic fluid, the quiet hiss of muscle movement, and the grating of his bones and joints? Was he deaf inside his body? Did he feel the sounds of body movement rather than hear them?

Anyone else relate to this? Oops, sorry. Gotta go, got Josh Groban's "The Prayer" stuck in my head. Time to change the DVD!

Read more:
*Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him. Psalm 126:5-6 NIV

*Praise the LORD. Praise, O servants of the LORD, praise the name of the LORD. Let the name of the LORD be praised, both now and forevermore. From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the LORD is to be praised. Psalm 113:1-3 NIV

*Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:26-28 NKJV