Reflections on regret

This morning I woke up regretting a decision. I awoke gasping at the lost opportunity (until reality set in.)

I did not attend a course. My name tag sat unused on a desk. Administrators had worked for nothing to set up my registration. I missed a class on spiritual formation, a topic that really interests me. And I didn't get to network with a great group of doctoral students.

Many of my best decisions come from impulsively showing up. And so it might have been with this one: I heard about the class Friday (it started the following Monday). I called to ask if I could attend and got permission, along with links to the syllabus and required reading. Ronda even got my student name ready.

But Monday I just couldn't do it. I'd helped pull together a reunion Saturday and gone to a 5-hour workshop Sunday. I facilitate a study on Tuesday evenings and babysit our granddaughter on Fridays. The class just wasn't calling me.

Until this morning, when I realized what I missed and what I could have learned from the prof and wonderful class members. "I could have squeezed it in," said my regretful self. "You need this information for teaching next summer. The Tuesday class was cancelled. Friday's not here yet."

The logical self replied, "Would I have had Monday and Wednesday for research, time needed to start on existing papers? I would have missed lunch with Julia. I needed to decompress after the weekend. Thursday I play piano at the hospital ... and Friday is coming, with or without Kinsey. And look how much time I would have had to take to catch up on reading."

I'm still bummed about missing the week. But here's how I'm facing my regrets:

1. Admit that I've missed a potential opportunity or messed up.
2. Recognize my limitations. We can't be everywhere and do every good thing. No. We really CAN'T!
3. Focus on what I have not what I don't have. This week's research has been very productive, if not creatively stimulating.
4. Make it right if there's transgression on my part. I put a busy administrator through needless work but I can email my appreciation and explain my absence. If I say something awful and hurt a friend, I can apologize and reconcile. I may miss an appointment but can reschedule.
5. Plan ahead to redo something I've missed. Or just let it go. Maybe this great chance didn't belong to me from the get-go.
6. Revel in God's daily presence in the here-and-now. He promises to use each day and every experience for good. We don't live perfectly. But God forgives us. He weaves life's beauty AND imperfections together for his pleasure and our good. 
7. I learn more about myself through the experience. I find I most regret what I don't do rather than what I jump into. While I dislike scheduled obligations, I revel in the surprises and unexpected joys of art workshops, idea exchanges, and mentoring. Since this life is finite, I need to embrace the ways it comes and goes.

How do you deal with regrets and missed opportunities?

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*For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

Get to the end of the line!

Ever feel like you're running behind? Not even in the queue yet?

In a culture of competition and "me-first," it's hard to be "Average Joe" or "Just Jane." I recently read a book by Troy Meeder about ordinary men who have made a difference by being wonderfully average, filling each day with chores, coaching or cheering individuals or teams, working at their jobs with best efforts, and building strong families. They resisted temptations to quit, laze around, or do a minimum to get by.

I recommend the book for middle-agers whose dreams of greatness or using their talents to "change the world" never materialized. Young people may wonder why "luck" happens to others while their lives remain unimpressive despite hard work. The author assures us that no life is truly ordinary ... because God has an extraordinary purpose for you and for me that no one else can fill. (To buy the book, click here.)

This book will inspire you by reminding that you're making a difference by being full human and fully present in whatever routines or requests come your way. God determines where you and I "stand in line." Very few reach the stage; most of us are in a long line ... and someone has to be the last one. That may be me. Or you.

As I clean up the post-dissertation messes to rearrange my office for real life (more writing), I'm reminded that standing out is not the goal of a believer. God call us to strive forward to stand tall at the finish line.

Tonight, before you sleep, look back on the day to ask yourself, "In what ordinary moments am I making a difference to someone?"

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"But some evil troublemakers among David's men said, 'They didn't go with us, so they can't have any of the plunder we recovered. Give them their wives and children, and tell them to be gone.'

But David said, 'No, my brothers! Don't be selfish with what the LORD has given us. He has kept us safe and helped us defeat the band of raiders that attacked us. Who will listen when you talk like this? We share and share alike—those who go to battle and those who guard the equipment." 1 Samuel 30:22–24

*There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of the city; it shall not be moved. Psalm 46:4-5

*Jesus says: "Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them." John 13:17

*The city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God is its light, and its lamp is the Lamb. Revelation 21:23

Moravian Prayer: God of hospitality and hope, may we walk in your ways, seeking to bring the light of Zion to this world so that all may know the comforts of your holy habitation. Amen.