Reflections on regret

This morning I woke up regretting a decision. I awoke gasping at the lost opportunity (until reality set in.)

I did not attend a course. My name tag sat unused on a desk. Administrators had worked for nothing to set up my registration. I missed a class on spiritual formation, a topic that really interests me. And I didn't get to network with a great group of doctoral students.

Many of my best decisions come from impulsively showing up. And so it might have been with this one: I heard about the class Friday (it started the following Monday). I called to ask if I could attend and got permission, along with links to the syllabus and required reading. Ronda even got my student name ready.

But Monday I just couldn't do it. I'd helped pull together a reunion Saturday and gone to a 5-hour workshop Sunday. I facilitate a study on Tuesday evenings and babysit our granddaughter on Fridays. The class just wasn't calling me.

Until this morning, when I realized what I missed and what I could have learned from the prof and wonderful class members. "I could have squeezed it in," said my regretful self. "You need this information for teaching next summer. The Tuesday class was cancelled. Friday's not here yet."

The logical self replied, "Would I have had Monday and Wednesday for research, time needed to start on existing papers? I would have missed lunch with Julia. I needed to decompress after the weekend. Thursday I play piano at the hospital ... and Friday is coming, with or without Kinsey. And look how much time I would have had to take to catch up on reading."

I'm still bummed about missing the week. But here's how I'm facing my regrets:

1. Admit that I've missed a potential opportunity or messed up.
2. Recognize my limitations. We can't be everywhere and do every good thing. No. We really CAN'T!
3. Focus on what I have not what I don't have. This week's research has been very productive, if not creatively stimulating.
4. Make it right if there's transgression on my part. I put a busy administrator through needless work but I can email my appreciation and explain my absence. If I say something awful and hurt a friend, I can apologize and reconcile. I may miss an appointment but can reschedule.
5. Plan ahead to redo something I've missed. Or just let it go. Maybe this great chance didn't belong to me from the get-go.
6. Revel in God's daily presence in the here-and-now. He promises to use each day and every experience for good. We don't live perfectly. But God forgives us. He weaves life's beauty AND imperfections together for his pleasure and our good. 
7. I learn more about myself through the experience. I find I most regret what I don't do rather than what I jump into. While I dislike scheduled obligations, I revel in the surprises and unexpected joys of art workshops, idea exchanges, and mentoring. Since this life is finite, I need to embrace the ways it comes and goes.

How do you deal with regrets and missed opportunities?

Read more:
*For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

Monday madness

After a day off, I hate Mondays. Chaos strikes! though it's always unpredictable what the extra work will entail before I can get to my studies. This week, I'm in hardcore study mode for an exam Wednesday, so I'm ready to hop to it.

Except. Nope. This morning, the dogs have pooped in their crate, so instead of sending them out to potty and getting to work, I have to clean the crate, toss the crate bedding in the laundry, and shower the dogs. I leave one animal outside while I carry the first up and wash him. Then I carry the second up for warm, soapy "punishment." Good thing they don't mind grooming, because I'm mad enough to give them a vigorous cleaning and towel-drying. They shake and run off down the hall, happy to be clean. Restart the washer. (I forgot. Dog towels get washed with dog bedding.)

A friend is bringing lunch for Kirsten, but when I go into the kitchen to grab tea and breakfast, the dirty tablecloth is still on the table from Sunday lunch, the counter is greasy, and there are assorted items lying around. Another half hour... gone.

It's so good to be under the care of the Creator of Time. Christian theology says God can redeem every part of our past, present and future. Nothing is wasted, but this morning feels pretty close.

Monday mornings remind me that not even a minute belongs to me. I relinquish the Sabbath to God, trusting him for rest. Then it's Monday again. Outa control. I think, "I wish I had worked harder on Sunday, etc." Then I tell myself, don't go there. The tablecloth may have been washed and returned to the table, the counters may have gleamed, but something would have been lost in the process. What that would be––besides a lack of unexpected chores––is unclear this morning!

I appreciate the balance of scripture, and reading the prayer below, I whisper, "Thank you God, because you are in control (I'm obviously not!) and everything will go as you have purposed. I will have time enough to pass (or fail), but it won't be because I didn't try my best."

Lord have mercy. On the challenges of your day and mine.

Read more:
*We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone." Psalm 33:20–22

*You brought up my life from the Pit, O Lord my God. Jonah 2:6

*Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the foremost. 1 Timothy 1:15

Moravian Prayer: The Gospel is your gift, O Savior - the good news of your deliverance from despair. We are astonished that you do this for us who often fail to be faithful to you. We give you thanks throughout this day. Amen.