3 things about heart-friends

We only meet every few years because we have a hard time finding a date when we're both free. But when we meet, my soul feels like it has feasted.

1. Friends have history. I had lunch today with a heart-friend of almost 40 years. Bonnie roomed with me in college for two years, rescuing me from almost certain extinction due to a previous roommate, who smothered me by shadowing me everywhere. B knew what she did/n't want and didn't need to define herself by our friendship. She was happy to be herself, funny, and pragmatic as we students were wrestling with who we would become. Those schoolmates have disappeared and we're older women who see the tracery of God's plan across the landscape of our lives. (However, funny stories remain forever, like our midnight raid on the guys' dorms during finals week ... which we confessed to dear Doc Holdcroft - our college president - after 25 years.)

2. Friends stay connected over time. After we graduated, we stayed in touch, occasionally meeting or writing letters. My letter about expecting our first son crossed the mail with her own announcement to me. (Our sons were born a month apart.) Then we had a daughter each. Our kids grew up, moved out, got jobs, and gave us a few grandkids.

We tried to say hi or schedule a visit on Boxing Day annually. Through the years, there were more misses than hits in connecting. Whenever we met, we remembered what we were like as young women and caught up on the people we knew in college. And we shared what God was doing around us in our husbands, kids, work, and church.

3. Friends keep Jesus at the center. We've exchanged our challenges and prayer requests as the years skipped by from decade to decade. I could depend on Bonnie to hear from God and share that with me.

We've marveled that life gets simpler, even when it doesn't get easier. Our focus intensifies as the main thing really takes hold of us (= our relationship with God). And the periphery - the stuff of life - though stressful and heartbreaking at times, draws us in closer, where we trust and love God more.

We don't know if we'll meet in person again. She's moving to a small Canadian community I've never visited, while we're off to Asia.

As we talked today about how God has aligned our gifts with our calling, we were both amazed. She loves to sing, worship, and serve people with special needs. I like studying, writing, and speaking.

We're so different. But we're similar because at our center is Jesus and his Kingdom. When we paused to pray after lunch, our hearts entwined again. She promised to support us in prayer and I did the same.

She asked of God: "May your Kingdom come on earth [in each of us] as it is in heaven." (Matthew 6:10)

"Ah yes please, Lord Jesus," my heart answered. "Walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. (Isaiah 26:8)

What a gift Bonnie is! Between times, we assume the other is growing in grace. We've prayed for each other since we were young. And we continue to do so. Each time we meet, I'm astonished at how I can trust her with my life.

God, today I want to thank you for this dear friend. Bless her, her family, and her calling. Let your face shine on B and other friends so dear.

These special heart-friendships are your gifts of grace, your compassion and favor on us. We could not conjure them up nor solicit such depth of feeling.

On this pilgrimage, you display your care by sending us fellow travelers who experience life's purpose and meaning from many vantage points. Through their faithfulness, we learn more about you and your Spirit among us.

We are so grateful. Help us to be a blessing to them as they are to us. Amen.

Who are your heart-friends?

Lent Day 11: Best friends

What a happy day! Brides post their wedding pictures on FB after celebrating a princess day. Guys are usually slower to admit they had a great day; their friends also don't tag as many pictures. But you can see the expectation on the couple's faces. They have married their best friend and hope every day is as happy as their first together as wife and husband.

I have single friends who live with their good friends. When one or more of the gals (or guys) finds a mate or moves away, the person/s reconfigure their lives and living space. It's a mobile and shifting world out there for singles. But some remain best friends with former roommates, colleagues, and childhood acquaintances, through thick and thin.

Pastor Don Ross (Creekside Church, Shoreline) talked this weekend about the traits of good friends. (Well worth a listen: click here in a few days.) He said these three things - when reciprocated between friends - were good indicators of the quality of friendship:

1. Friends are consistent and dependable. 
2. They're honest and trustworthy.
3. They are willing to tell the whole truth, even if that may hurt their friendship ... because they care enough to tell the "last 10%" of difficult truth toward the maturity and wholeness of their friend.

I thought about the people I value most as friends. Even if I shock them with ideas or plans, they give me good feedback. They like me enough to be unwilling for me to move ahead without thinking things through. They bolster me because they know my gifts. They walk alongside to question me and cheer me on. I do the same for them, though it's not always easy.

The most challenging friendship-relationship may be with those closest to you. How about your spouse, the person who never leaves? S/he moves into your bedroom and becomes a neat freak so you have to clean up ... or is a total clutter-bug who messes up your space. You share the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living space with his or her expectations, hauled into your home from their past. Even after decades, s/he surprises you with good and awful truths about her/himself and you.

Sometimes we struggle emotionally when dealing with elderly friends or parents who need our care. Medication and aging may redefine their personalities and bring out the best (or the worst) in them. Are we still loving and kind? Good friends?

How do we negotiate the variety of friendships we encounter?

Our best friend - Jesus - is consistent, honest, and has our best interests at heart. That security helps us accept friendship, given, received, and shared.

Jesus' inner circle included those who knew who he was. And it included the man who betrayed him to his enemies. Jesus' extended circle of male and female friends benefited from his wisdom and insight. These people cried at his awful death. Rejoiced at his supernatural resurrection. He was a true friend to them all, offering grace, second chances, and his loving kindness without reservation.

I'd love to be that kind of person to my friends. Many of them are that to me. Thank you, friends!

Read more:
*The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? Psalm 27:1

*And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it. No lion will be there, nor will any ferocious beast get up on it; they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there, and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Isaiah 35:8-10 NIV

*He guarded his people as the apple of his eye. Deuteronomy 32:10

*Christ says, "You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit.” John 15:16

Moravian Prayer: Why did you choose us, O Lord? What can we possibly do for you? Show us the place you have for us in your church, so we can together bear much good fruit to your glory. Amen.