3 things about heart-friends

We only meet every few years because we have a hard time finding a date when we're both free. But when we meet, my soul feels like it has feasted.

1. Friends have history. I had lunch today with a heart-friend of almost 40 years. Bonnie roomed with me in college for two years, rescuing me from almost certain extinction due to a previous roommate, who smothered me by shadowing me everywhere. B knew what she did/n't want and didn't need to define herself by our friendship. She was happy to be herself, funny, and pragmatic as we students were wrestling with who we would become. Those schoolmates have disappeared and we're older women who see the tracery of God's plan across the landscape of our lives. (However, funny stories remain forever, like our midnight raid on the guys' dorms during finals week ... which we confessed to dear Doc Holdcroft - our college president - after 25 years.)

2. Friends stay connected over time. After we graduated, we stayed in touch, occasionally meeting or writing letters. My letter about expecting our first son crossed the mail with her own announcement to me. (Our sons were born a month apart.) Then we had a daughter each. Our kids grew up, moved out, got jobs, and gave us a few grandkids.

We tried to say hi or schedule a visit on Boxing Day annually. Through the years, there were more misses than hits in connecting. Whenever we met, we remembered what we were like as young women and caught up on the people we knew in college. And we shared what God was doing around us in our husbands, kids, work, and church.

3. Friends keep Jesus at the center. We've exchanged our challenges and prayer requests as the years skipped by from decade to decade. I could depend on Bonnie to hear from God and share that with me.

We've marveled that life gets simpler, even when it doesn't get easier. Our focus intensifies as the main thing really takes hold of us (= our relationship with God). And the periphery - the stuff of life - though stressful and heartbreaking at times, draws us in closer, where we trust and love God more.

We don't know if we'll meet in person again. She's moving to a small Canadian community I've never visited, while we're off to Asia.

As we talked today about how God has aligned our gifts with our calling, we were both amazed. She loves to sing, worship, and serve people with special needs. I like studying, writing, and speaking.

We're so different. But we're similar because at our center is Jesus and his Kingdom. When we paused to pray after lunch, our hearts entwined again. She promised to support us in prayer and I did the same.

She asked of God: "May your Kingdom come on earth [in each of us] as it is in heaven." (Matthew 6:10)

"Ah yes please, Lord Jesus," my heart answered. "Walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. (Isaiah 26:8)

What a gift Bonnie is! Between times, we assume the other is growing in grace. We've prayed for each other since we were young. And we continue to do so. Each time we meet, I'm astonished at how I can trust her with my life.

God, today I want to thank you for this dear friend. Bless her, her family, and her calling. Let your face shine on B and other friends so dear.

These special heart-friendships are your gifts of grace, your compassion and favor on us. We could not conjure them up nor solicit such depth of feeling.

On this pilgrimage, you display your care by sending us fellow travelers who experience life's purpose and meaning from many vantage points. Through their faithfulness, we learn more about you and your Spirit among us.

We are so grateful. Help us to be a blessing to them as they are to us. Amen.

Who are your heart-friends?

What good friends do

 Sitting in Maltby Cafe this morning with my friends, I realize that good friends:

1. Share their hearts, in good times and bad.
2. Listen to each other, taking in non-verbal communication as well as what is said.
3. Love each other, regardless of how sweet or mean their friend feels.
4. Pay attention to each other, noticing what's important to the friend today.
5. Hold each other accountable for good actions and attitudes. Stinkin' thinkin' gets rooted out by good friends.
6. Pray for each other regularly, knowing that God is at work in their friend.

I'm so grateful for my friends.

Do you have people who walk through life with you in these ways?

Read more:
*Listen to me, my people, and give heed to me, my nation; for a teaching will go out from me, and my justice for a light to the peoples. Isaiah 51:4 NLT

*Paul said, “I stand here, saying nothing but what the prophets and Moses said would take place: that the Messiah must suffer, and that, by being the first to rise from the dead, he would proclaim light both to our people and to the Gentiles.” Acts 26:22-23 NLT

*I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing! Galatians 2:20-21 NIV

Moravian Prayer: Lord Jesus, as poor sinners, we love darkness rather than the light. Help us to walk in your light and to witness to its power. You commissioned us to tell all people the good news of God’s love. Give us strength to fulfill that charge! Amen.

Lent Day 11: Best friends

What a happy day! Brides post their wedding pictures on FB after celebrating a princess day. Guys are usually slower to admit they had a great day; their friends also don't tag as many pictures. But you can see the expectation on the couple's faces. They have married their best friend and hope every day is as happy as their first together as wife and husband.

I have single friends who live with their good friends. When one or more of the gals (or guys) finds a mate or moves away, the person/s reconfigure their lives and living space. It's a mobile and shifting world out there for singles. But some remain best friends with former roommates, colleagues, and childhood acquaintances, through thick and thin.

Pastor Don Ross (Creekside Church, Shoreline) talked this weekend about the traits of good friends. (Well worth a listen: click here in a few days.) He said these three things - when reciprocated between friends - were good indicators of the quality of friendship:

1. Friends are consistent and dependable. 
2. They're honest and trustworthy.
3. They are willing to tell the whole truth, even if that may hurt their friendship ... because they care enough to tell the "last 10%" of difficult truth toward the maturity and wholeness of their friend.

I thought about the people I value most as friends. Even if I shock them with ideas or plans, they give me good feedback. They like me enough to be unwilling for me to move ahead without thinking things through. They bolster me because they know my gifts. They walk alongside to question me and cheer me on. I do the same for them, though it's not always easy.

The most challenging friendship-relationship may be with those closest to you. How about your spouse, the person who never leaves? S/he moves into your bedroom and becomes a neat freak so you have to clean up ... or is a total clutter-bug who messes up your space. You share the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living space with his or her expectations, hauled into your home from their past. Even after decades, s/he surprises you with good and awful truths about her/himself and you.

Sometimes we struggle emotionally when dealing with elderly friends or parents who need our care. Medication and aging may redefine their personalities and bring out the best (or the worst) in them. Are we still loving and kind? Good friends?

How do we negotiate the variety of friendships we encounter?

Our best friend - Jesus - is consistent, honest, and has our best interests at heart. That security helps us accept friendship, given, received, and shared.

Jesus' inner circle included those who knew who he was. And it included the man who betrayed him to his enemies. Jesus' extended circle of male and female friends benefited from his wisdom and insight. These people cried at his awful death. Rejoiced at his supernatural resurrection. He was a true friend to them all, offering grace, second chances, and his loving kindness without reservation.

I'd love to be that kind of person to my friends. Many of them are that to me. Thank you, friends!

Read more:
*The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? Psalm 27:1

*And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it. No lion will be there, nor will any ferocious beast get up on it; they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there, and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Isaiah 35:8-10 NIV

*He guarded his people as the apple of his eye. Deuteronomy 32:10

*Christ says, "You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit.” John 15:16

Moravian Prayer: Why did you choose us, O Lord? What can we possibly do for you? Show us the place you have for us in your church, so we can together bear much good fruit to your glory. Amen.

You in your small corner ... and I in mine

The sun's out! Again! How I love the light-filled days, the warmth (70os is hardly "hot"), and the breeze-less air hanging in the forest behind the house.

"How do people keep up, working a full-time job?" My friend and I had tea together, mulling that puzzle this morning. Both of us have left previous 8-5 office obligations to do good work from home. Now we toss laundry in during the day, pause to finish chores as we walk by, and run errands when we feel like it.

And we get to visit! Social life was hard to prioritize when we were exhausted after a long day of working for others. I've had three "meetings" this week with colleagues and friends ... with three more scheduled this week and next. I'm no social butterfly, but catching up and maintaining friendships and networks is easier when I don't have to wedge lunches into an hour of "maybe Tuesday before I go to another meeting."

I'm so grateful for seasons in life. It seemed like good fun when the kids were young and homeschooling. The days flew by and we spent many of them in creative endeavors. Now I watch the young moms and feel worn out just watching them pack a diaper bag.

I loved working for Northwest University as Alumni Director, connecting students and former students, informing alumni and administrators, looking for artists for art shows, planning events, and writing e-news. Happily, someone else has the privilege now; like I did, he loves his job, while I'm happy to have moved on.

The bluejay outside my window is dropping pine cones from the gutter onto the deck. He's flitting about, busy at his work, designed by God for gutter-clearing and cheerful talk.

Each of us has a job to do, whether I'm a disabled vet praying for friends, a grandma nurturing the young ones, a professional giving a presentation, a track-hoe operator digging a hole, or a mom soaping stains off an infant's bib. God is pleased to applaud our work as we serve with all our hearts.

How can we do good work? Here are some ideas:

1. Do the task at hand. Serve at a big or small job as though God himself were your boss. (Um, actually he is.)
2. Look for ways to serve with excellence. Go beyond what you MUST do to what you MAY do.
3. Be grateful for work. Others wish they could do what you are called to do today.
4. Look for ways to make others look good. Lend a hand, point out a short-cut, or take someone new under your wing. 
5. Don't promote yourself beyond necessity. You don't have to brag about your accomplishments. Others will do that for you if you are an exceptional employee!
6. Pray for those around you. Be sensitive to the needs of coworkers and willing to be a friend. Someone may need to hear about Jesus' love or see your concern for them. Many people (especially in cities) have no one nearby whom they can trust to help or listen during stressful or difficult times.

 "Have fun at work," my husband says as he goes through the check-out at the store. He loves his job. I like mine. And we hope you enjoy yours today!

Read more:

*Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! For the Lord is a great God. Psalm 95:2-3

*Jesus said, “Give to God what is God’s.” Mark 12:17 (NIV)

*All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.

So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:3-8 NLT

Moravian Prayer: You alone are good, O God. We give you all thanksgiving and praise! You alone are great, O Christ. We bow before you in humble adoration! May the joyous sound of grateful hearts never end as the strains of truth and trust resound in you, our Savior. Amen.

Party time

Do you ever look forward and then backwards at the same event with a smile?

Yesterday I had the privilege of celebrating a milestone with family, friends, encouragers, and mentors. As I walked from one group to another, I remembered stories of their faithful love for God, diligent integrity, and care for other people.

Each of the guests has known the highs and lows of life. They have risen to challenges, swept victories under their belts, and climbed impossible mountains. They have also persevered as they suffered illness, loss, and ruin in many areas.

My folks and I talked about the wonderful people W and I know in Seattle. Many of them have accomplished more and influenced more people than I could imagine, while remaining simple, humble friends. Some are incredibly smart: we often wonder what we're doing in such a crowd. (Mind you, Einstein claimed, “I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious.”)

In light of the friends who bless W and me, my mom reminded me that any gifts God has given––ease in speaking to few or many, playing piano as easily as breathing, the instinctive desire to connect people and resources, the ability to learn and write, even the enjoyment of mentoring––will never produce a sense of prideful accomplishment. Faithful stewards recognize that those things don't belong to us ... they're simply God's gifts.

Mom reinforced the attitude we have seen in our most talented friends. The ones most dear to us hold loosely their gifts and accomplishments. They lavish their lives and resources on those around them––for the glory of God. They inspire me to do the same, considering my life verse: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more." (Luke 12:48b = Jesus' warning after saying a servant who did not use the talents given by the Master deserved flogging. Ouch!)

W and I read the cards and good wishes last evening with grateful hearts. Our celebration included acknowledging that God is good. He is faithful and kind. How we thank him for the many special, multi-gifted friends who enrich us day by day!

Read more:

*But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love. Psalm 31:14-16 NIV

*The Lord executes justice for the oppressed; he gives food to the hungry. Psalm 146:7

*Jesus took the seven loaves, and after giving thanks he broke them and gave them to his disciples to dis-tribute; and they distributed them to the crowd. Mark 8:6

*Jesus says, "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." John 10:11

*Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. 1 Corinthians 4:1-3

Moravian Prayer: Dear Lord, with your love, our sighs turn to song, and through darkness we can walk toward light. Our spirits wait for you, our living Word. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

31 days of Learning #11 & 12: Oh man. Oops. Oh woman.

It's been interesting (to say the least) to read the arguments against women ministering in American churches since the mid-1800s. Not much has changed. Language maybe. The reality? Many women have served in missions and pioneered outposts. But established churches and denominations "want a man" as their leader. The strong calling of a few women has made way for them to do extraordinary ministry, regardless of cultural restrictions.

The women's cohort of AGTS is here, learning, studying, laughing, and crying together. I'm not part of the cohort, but ate lunch with them to eavesdrop on their session. "I'm forever ruined for a mixed gender classroom," said one, wiping tears from her face after they spent a session sharing their dreams and calling with classmates. "Hearing the heart of Jesus through women is fantastic. We are so open to speak and listen to each other."

I get irritated with feminists who thump on men for being male. I'm not waving a flag for women's rights. But I want to encourage women--and men--who have heard the call of God to ministry to pursue that with all their hearts.

Lesson 11: Ask God what he expects of us and depend on his open doors rather than people's permissions. Letting the worldview chips fall where they may, women and men are called to follow God's plan for us. Effective ministry plows a way for acceptance of its delivery system and/or person.

Lesson 12: (for tomorrow) When ministering to a calling is impossible, it may be time to move on to work elsewhere. Don't be afraid that God will reshape us through education and experiences and then leave us without participation in his Church.

Wild women in the woods

Take five women of different backgrounds, educational and economic brackets, and marital status. Then mix in ethnicity, diverse worldviews, individual ways of "how things are done," and add a daughter or two for each... and you have a volatile mix. 

Cram the women in a cabin in the woods, let the lights flicker on and off, and add a downpour. Meanwhile, entertain the kids, whose ideas of adventure include watching a video in the van, going to the bathroom in the woods, and other non-camping preferences. Let the fun, shouting, tantrums, and learning begin (among the parents)!

My husband and I loved the play written by Janesse Schaeffer and directed by Karen Lund. We laughed and cried along with the actors who earned "BROWNIE POINTS" with us for their portrayal of honesty and vulnerability.

I spent last weekend at Cannon Beach with my accountability group. We four women have met for almost 18 years. We've formed deep and trusting relationships, but still have moments of adjustment and disagreement. We work hard to include each one and feel included. I kept thinking, sitting at Taproot Theatre, how we four would respond if a stranger with a completely different history and unique expectations tossed her hat into our ring. Sparks might fly!


Go see "Brownie Points" if you can. Take a neighbor or friend - and be prepared to examine your assumptions about people you know. Let your guard down for discussions that follow. Rather than offering relationship solutions, the play opens the door to take an honest look at American culture and friendships. Audience members hung around after the show to talk about what they'd experienced.

Ladies, if you've ever thought you were the only one who struggles to make it through a day, you'll be among friends. Gentlemen, if you ever wondered how women think and what they talk about, you'll get an insider's perspective.

Don't miss it! And be sure to take in the quiz and display in the upper foyer before or after the show. Once again, Taproot hits it out of the park, pulling us into a story, and showing - as well as telling - how sweet and complicated life can be.


Actors: Faith Russell, Karen Ann Daniels, Amy Love, Casi Wilkerson, and Nikki Visel. Photos by Erik Stuhaug. Tickets provided the reviewer by Taproot.