The power of a simple idea

Through a screen ... darkly

My coach Angela and I had only 20 minutes in our group-mentor meeting. The worst of it? My head was spinning and I didn't have a clear idea on what I wanted to be coached. What a morning!

But we launched in. Got focus. Before long, I had a solution for my inner head-cloud and the procrastination that's dogged me since pre-Thanksgiving travels.

By now, you know I'm visual. When spaces around me get messy, my thoughts go fuzzy and disarranged. W's shifting his office from upstairs to the basement. In the process, my almost-done office and the rest of the flat are heaped with boxes, books, gear, and garbage. There's no way to get around that: the moving process is chaotic. And my headroom was utterly clogged.

"Why don't you get out of the house while I work on this tomorrow?" W suggested, noting my paralysis on the sofa yesterday.

So this morning I went to "the Boat," our friends' refuge, floating on Lake Union. 

the panoramic view of my perch...

I plugged in their hotspot and called into the coach meeting. The fantastic thing about coaching is that the issues discussed and the solutions are relevant to the client BECAUSE they come up with those ideas. Ideally, the coach asks questions but the client is in control of the conversation. Angela, a trusted friend, helped me find a workable solution to the clutter in my head and the resulting procrastination. 

Our high-tech solution? Paper. Well, pen and paper.

The question she asked? "What has worked for you in the past, to help you get things done on time?"

Into my memory popped the 3"X3" calendar I carried each college semester. I'd note assignments and deadlines in the minute squares as soon as faculty handed out their syllabi. The pages ordered my days, weeks, and months. I saw at a glance what was expected.

Grid dot notebook

I don't know why computer calendars don't do the same thing for me. Even when I'm logged in, I forget to check them. When they don't sync, I'm lost. On the other hand, the info on that little calendar was available in a blink of an eye. Everywhere I went. Without plugging in. I just pulled it out of my pocket.

My solution for managing our transition through June is equally simple. In the the grid-dot notebook a friend gave me this Christmas, I'm going to draw a monthly calendar-at-a-glance. I'll use the subsequent pages to sketch ideas and write to-dos.

During our closing minute, Angela asked, "Can you summarize what you're planning to do?" and I added a missing piece: I'm going to write down where task-related things are stored - online links, physical spaces, who has info, etc.

The weight that dropped off my brain was staggering. The load lifted. I have clear direction that will WORK for me and my style of categorization. 

Stumped? Stymied? How about checking in with a coach - for one session or more? Usually sessions are an hour; you can accomplish a LOT in that time. Clients often find a simple idea - something they already know - that helps them out of gridlock and into the next phase of life and work. I highly recommend it, especially after finding my "simple aha!" this morning.

Yeah, I'm a coach, and my clients say I'm a good one. But I'd gladly refer you if you'd rather talk to someone else. Contact me at rosemee at hot mail dot com for more info. 

Blessings - and hopes for positive forward movement in becoming the best person you can be - and reaching your goals in this New Year.

"We have at least a few options..."

"We can do this a few ways," I say to my husband and son. They're manhandling a 100 lb. coffee table into the house. Where to store it? It could go here ... or there. Well, maybe not there. A Coach store display table in white lacquer, it's commercially sized at 30"X72". I like it!

The new space is evolving in my head, funded by things we've sold. Right away, I can see that the table rules out our cream sofa slipcovers. (No biggie. Add those covers to the sale pile. Our other colors will look great.)

When I encounter a problem or an opportunity, my instincts leap forward to possible solutions. The desired outcome may have been loosely or tightly framed. However, the journey toward it and even the goal continues to evolve until we're done. I've found that the sum of the parts is often more than predicted! (And it's nearly always different than expected, unless we're willing to fight for exact outcomes.)

The perch for our
greenhouse, as it was
disassembled (BEFORE)

The new backyard ramp
(AFTER)

An example? I've visualized our backyard as a broad patio area, landscaped with planters, a greenhouse, and outdoor seating. The space remained an untamed buffer on the border of the forest, the greenhouse an outpost in an unruly green sea. W or the boys weed-whacked occasionally to keep the foliage from overrunning the house. Our sons beat back encroaching blackberries and reeds every spring.

Goodbye, chaises!

Yesterday, the fellows who brought in gravel and sloped the yard for accessibility redefined the space. We won't be here long and it's functional. Forget the planters, pavers, and evenings on the edge of the forest! We sold our chaises last night.

W has a few more loads of wood and basement leftovers to take to the dump, which will improve the view. We gained an extra parking space at the end of the driveway. W's happy about it; I'm shedding my ideals and getting ready to move away.

Outside, lightning is flashing. Thunder rolls in through the screen door. The rain taps the skylight and saturates the deck. It's a new day, with time to pack up a few more boxes, meet with peers in ministry, and ask God for favor in bringing buyers for what we no longer need. I'll maybe even get in a walk with my granddaughter. Sip a few cups of tea between everything.

C. S. Lewis made an interesting observation about times of discomfort and transition:

The Christian doctrine of suffering explains, I believe, a very curious fact about the world we live in. The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy.

It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and pose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.

From The Problem of Pain

Read more:

*Lead me in your truth, and teach me. Psalm 25:5 NLT

*Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17 ESV

*Jesus says, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ... Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:6, 27

Moravian Prayer: Our Guide and Sustainer, you are the beginning, the end, and everything in between. You are the perfect mentor, the perfect companion, and the perfect counselor. Help us always to rely on your wisdom. Amen.

A hopeful day indeed

Six of us sit around a table at Third Place Commons this morning. Our table is a cross-sawn log, an enormous tree felled in its prime. We rest our cups and saucers and sandwich plates on the resin tabletop and discuss relationships, ministry, and future plans.

Our hour together includes sharing our lives and dreams, introductions to new ministries and resources, prayer for each other, and a banana muffin and tea from the Honey Bear Bakery. All it takes is the simple intentionality of meeting in time and place to be able to share direction and celebrate our wins together.

The sun's out on this hopeful day. It's time for a walk to think and pray about Sunday's sermon at Neighborhood Church. I'm grateful for peers in ministry who encourage, coach, and release me to the calling of God.

What do your friends and coworkers contribute to your hopeful days?

Read more:
*You shall meditate on the book of the law day and night, so that you may be careful to act in accordance with all that is written in it. Joshua 1:8 NLT

*They did not conquer the land with their swords; it was not their own strong arm that gave them victory. It was your right hand and strong arm and the blinding light from your face that helped them, for you loved them. You are my King and my God. You command victories for Israel. Only by your power can we push back our enemies; only in your name can we trample our foes.

I do not trust in my bow; I do not count on my sword to save me. You are the one who gives us victory over our enemies; you disgrace those who hate us. O God, we give glory to you all day long and constantly praise your name." Psalm 44:3–8 NLT

*Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.” Matthew 7:21 NLT

*... That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe. 1 Timothy 4:9-10 NIV

Moravian Prayer: Happy are those who follow God’s commandments, who obey him with all their heart! Help us, Lord, to live righteous lives. Teach us the Father’s will that we may please him. We ask this in your sacred name. Amen.

What's up, Coach?

Have you ever felt "stuck" in place? Had dreams or goals without moving forward? Did you see a need and didn't know how to make a difference?

Me too! I spent four hours this week, coaching and being coached. My coaches started our hour with: "Rosemarie, what would you like to talk about today?" They gently directed questions to make me pause, think about my vision for work or ministry, and help me commit to moving forward through specific "I will do this" action steps.

Coaching is a great venue for sorting what we know. It helps us design a future that from our vantage point may look like,

• "I wonder if I could try something."
• "I wish I could do ..." 
• "Oh no, what now? Where do I go from here?"
• "If I could run this past someone, it might become clearer."
• Wondered if you're headed in a direction that is true to your values, talents, or skills?

Mentoring brings another person's experience or knowledge to help you, but coaching unlocks your own thinking and preferred processes. It helps you choose your own "next steps" to walk - at your own pace. It guides you through ideas and actions that may not be on your horizon yet - or that you might overlook without someone "thinking alongside" you. Coaches help you build accountability to keep you on track, too.

Coaches meet their clients in person, on the phone, on Skype ... whatever suits the client best. Many coaches prefer an hour online or on the phone since it keeps coach and client on task and time.

I'm working toward coach certification and need some coaching hours. As your coach, I'll ask questions and reflect back what you're thinking. But the conversation belongs to you. Together, we'll listen to God's voice and direction, speaking through your heart and your mind. Every conversation is strictly confidential. "Payment" can include anything from my $35/hr fee to a traded service to cup of tea (or reciprocal coaching by another coach). First session is free for the first 15 clients.

Interested? Email me (click here) if you might benefit from coaching. Include two "best dates" where you can set aside an uninterrupted hour. (Likely, one will fit my calendar.)

Read more:

*One day King Abimelech came from Gerar with his adviser, Ahuzzath, and also Phicol, his army commander. 'Why have you come here?' Isaac asked. 'You obviously hate me, since you kicked me off your land.'

They replied, 'We can plainly see that the LORD is with you. So we want to enter into a sworn treaty with you. Let's make a covenant. Swear that you will not harm us, just as we have never troubled you. We have always treated you well, and we sent you away from us in peace. And now look how the LORD has blessed you!' Genesis 26:26–29 NLT

*My heart, O God, is steadfast. I will sing and make music with all my soul. Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. Psalm 108:1-5 NIV

*Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. Let your good spirit lead me on a level path. Psalm 143:10 NLT

*Yes, and from ancient days I am he. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it? Isaiah 43:13 NIV

 *Christ himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17 NLT

*Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings; for it is well for the heart to be strengthened by grace. Hebrews 13:9 NLT

Moravian Prayer: God of past, present, and future; things temporal and eternal; everlasting life and daily living: for all time you have held all things together - what decision, then, could we make without your instruction? Help us not to separate your authority from matters we enjoy ruling for ourselves.

O Word who doesn’t fit on a page, we sometimes use scripture to fit our agendas. Forgive us for cheapening the complexities of your nature and your way by considering only the verses that serve our aim. Let your Spirit lead us to a deeper study of scripture. Amen.

What to do when you're not your mother (or your father)

I like pretty things. There. I admit it. That's no surprise to those who know me. I get that from my mom.

Growing up, I tried to be like my mom and like the things my mother liked in clothes, decor, and social interactions. Yet I consistently fought off things that were feminine and frilly. I was impatient with her attention to detail. It's still not my style to dress up and put on makeup, though it's become my habit (after a lecture from women I trust: "Your makeup isn't for you. It's for those of us who have to look at you all day long." Ha ha. I got the point.)

I eventually gave up and realized I'm not my mom. I've learned a lot from her but I'm more like Dad. That's not a bad thing, eh, Dad? But once in a while - even today - I wish I were more like my mother.

Classic 1960s French roll

My mom kept her house in perfect order. She still works like a slave to dust and cook and clean. She actually likes doing laundry and finds ironing soothing. She's kept Dad's clothes spotless and pressed so he looks sharp. (Sure, once in a while he escapes in his flannel plaid shirts to his workshop.)

Mom dressed up. Always. Her hair was twisted in a French bun, immaculately held in place by a few bobby pins and hairspray. We all wore our "Sunday best" to go to the doctor's or dentist. Mom attired my brothers in little suits for church. She sewed amazing dresses for me, many of which I disliked because the colors and patterns didn't feel good to me. Even then, I knew what I liked, right, Mom?

I look at those photos of us as a family, beautifully decked out in the current fashions - and admire my mom. She has classic taste with her own chic twist. She was always in style, trendy and fashionable in minis in her 30s and early 40s. (Those were the 1970s, after all.) And she has classic beauty today, in her 70s.

I'm as happy in jeans and ugly sweatshirts as I am dressed to the nines. (Maybe happier.) I don't care much if my hair is cooperating or not. I cut it myself in the shower, where I can feel the wet shape I'm sculpting. I look in the mirror in the morning and hope for the best thereafter, ignoring the huge mirrors throughout my home and office that reflect light and space.

I've wished I were more like my mother when I've given in to my natural inclination and find myself ignored by customer service: "She's plain." To me, "What do you want?" Yup, it makes a difference to show up fully armed for retail with makeup and decent clothes.

My mom's special on the inside, too. She loves God and seeks to follow him closely. She's friendly, kind, and a caring servant. SHE has the gift of mercy and not an enemy in the world, the peacemaker in her family and among her confidants.

Me? Not so much. I often ask myself, "What would Mom do?" when I feel like rushing into war with a battle cry, as is my inclination. Ok, I admit I'm not always good at asking that ... and find myself and others bloodied around me. Lord have mercy!

How can we benefit from knowing others with admirable traits that we don't have ... without becoming envious or feeling belittled?

1. Keep admiring. You become what you behold. (Or you get closer, anyway.)
2. Thank God for that person and pray for them. That way you add to their strength rather than comparing yourself unfavorably.
3. Learn every lesson you can. Imitate the good in others to grow stronger yourself.
4. Believe and rejoice in a God who loves variety. He made me different than Mom "because you have a different job to do," as she's told me more than once.
5. Live as yourself. God lavished his loving creativity on us; we have unique abilities, experiences, and momentum to live large and beautifully in our own life and space.
6. Look around to see who you can boost, people like you and not like you.

 Who's your hero? Whom do you admire?

Mom, you're definitely high on my list. Love you! and I still want to be like you, even in my 50s.

Read more:
*When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you. You must be blameless before the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 18:9-13

*Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me. For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church. 1 Corinthians 4:15-17

*... our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you welcomed the message in the midst of severe suffering with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers in Macedonia and Achaia. 1 Thessalonians 1:5-7

Passing on the glory

Mentoring and coaching affirm and boost skills and opportunities in others. It's not that hard to find people who claim to be a mentor or coach, but quality varies widely.

I LOVE my coach, Jodi Detrick. She clarifies my thinking, asks thoughtful questions that make me pause to consider options, and helps put my goals into focus. Her assistance and counsel opened several doors for me this spring that I would never have been able to pass through alone. Without self-promotion or hesitation, she's done the same for many influencial leaders across the nation. Thanks, Jodi!

David's trials with his son Absalom spotlight the humility, generosity, and astonishing character of Barzillai the Gileadite (2 Samuel 19:31-39). Absalom rebels and chases his father from Jerusalem, Barzillai stands by his king, providing supplies and assistance. As David returns after Absalom's insurrection ends, he offers Barzillai a place in the King's palace, benefits of influence and access, and a seat at his table.

The old man is a realist. "I'm 80, and rich food and influence don't really interest me. However, there's someone I value, someone who has served well, and who would benefit from your offer. Let me present my servant Kimham. I'd love to promote him because I can't take full advantage of your kindness myself."

Kimham got his big break when he worked for Barzillai. But the old man went beyond mentoring and giving good job reviews. He placed his protegee in the seat of power to his own loss, boosting him into circles of high influence, catapulting him into King David's inner circle. The prophet Jeremiah mentions a city named after Kimham (Jer. 41:17), though we don't read any more about the younger man's exploits with David or his sons. It was up to Kimham to live up to his opportunity.

Some mentors offer advice and training, but feel threatened, resentful, and angry when their servant becomes greater than they, when their hireling achieves stardom, or when the mentor is left behind. Such greedy leaders note their own stalemate and erect roadblocks for underlings instead of continually pushing others forward. They promote themselves, sabotage others' good ideas, and fight to stay on top of their hierarchical heap.

I wish I'd had a boss like Barzillai. Growing up, my own dad created great expectations of such leadership. I've watched him shamelessly encourage and promote employees and younger talent who showed any lick of ambition or courage. Every eager and gifted employee longs for a promoter and booster like him.

Like my father, I am determined to copy Barzillai, rejoicing when people I mentor surpass my abilities and achievements.

If you have position or power in your organization, deliberately step back from the limelight to promote others. Help them excel beyond your sphere of authority. Boost them to pass you by, do better than you, and make you proud as they stand on your strong shoulders.

When someone who once worked for you becomes great in the ocean outside your little fishpond, let them name you as the fearless, honest power broker who made them shine. This is the only way your influence can expand and lives on through others' greater glory and achievements.

Like Barzillai, you will become known and admired in wide circles beyond any grappling, politicking, or self-protection that promotes your own interests and hard-won executive post. Live big! (I promise it won't make you smaller.)

Read more:
*Barzillai the Gileadite also came down from Rogelim to cross the Jordan with the king and to send him on his way from there. Now Barzillai was a very old man, eighty years of age. He had provided for the king during his stay in Mahanaim, for he was a very wealthy man.

The king said to Barzillai, “Cross over with me and stay with me in Jerusalem, and I will provide for you.”

But Barzillai answered the king, “How many more years will I live, that I should go up to Jerusalem with the king? I am now eighty years old. Can I tell the difference between what is good and what is not? Can your servant taste what he eats and drinks? Can I still hear the voices of men and women singers? Why should your servant be an added burden to my lord the king? Your servant will cross over the Jordan with the king for a short distance, but why should the king reward me in this way? Let your servant return, that I may die in my own town near the tomb of my father and mother. But here is your servant Kimham. Let him cross over with my lord the king. Do for him whatever pleases you.”

The king said, “Kimham shall cross over with me, and I will do for him whatever pleases you. And anything you desire from me I will do for you.”

So all the people crossed the Jordan, and then the king crossed over. The king kissed Barzillai and gave him his blessing, and Barzillai returned to his home. When the king crossed over to Gilgal, Kimham crossed with him. All the troops of Judah and half the troops of Israel had taken the king over. 2 Samuel 19: 31-40 NIV