Get outa bed, already!

Some days it's hard to get out of bed. The covers are warm, the room is soothing, and the mattress is "just right."I love our room: the chocolate walls envelope us, but the dark color provides a background without defining boundaries. Vintage fuscia-pink drapes, about to be tossed, were rescued to frame the sliding door to the deck.

We bought a $100 limited edition print for someone's wedding. I framed it, and got it ready to give away. All three couples who were going to chip in to pay for the thing were newlyweds, so money was tight. "Oh, we don't like that, and we don't think they will either," said one of the couples. Oops!

We've hung the print in our offices over the years, enjoying it in different spaces. Now it's come home to live with us again as a perfect compliment to our style and colors. Classics are like that. The old brown dressers, purchased twenty years ago at a "grandma's-dead-and-what-do-we-do-with-her-stuff" sale, have outlasted classic and contemporary redecorating. Kirsten uses the night table, so a piece of the set has traveled the states with her.

It was time to get out of bed when the sun peeked through the trees. I still love to wake up to the cocoon, looking out to the woods behind the house, anticipating the day.

I waited for ten years to put up those drapes. I knew without the right color to match their impact, they'd look garish. W felt unsure about the brown, and hated the idea of a mass of hot pink. "I can't believe I'm going to sleep in a pink room!"

After all these years, he mostly trusts my judgement in spaces: he rolled on the luscious brown, "Every wall?! You sure?" and reattached the drapery rod near the ceiling. Those drapes puddle on the floor, which is both fashionable and annoying. I can't bring myself to cut them shorter.

Since the pictures were taken, we moved the bookcases to the LR so I can color on the big empty wall with pastels (in lieu of art, and easy to erase). The chaises sit in the conservatory. And the low dresser rests at the foot of the bed, the perfect platform for a jewelry "tree" and watching movies on the computer.  I'm thinking of hanging hammock chairs in the open space, somewhere to curl up in and read or drink tea, watching the forest light up the day. Hmmm, redecorating - that's worth getting out of bed for.

Read more:

*Gen. 22:3  Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.

Num. 9:21 Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out.

Psa. 5:3     In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
        in the morning I lay my requests before you
        and wait in expectation.

Psa. 90:14     Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
        that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Psa. 143:8     Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
        for I have put my trust in you.
    Show me the way I should go,
        for to you I lift up my soul.

Center of my own universe

Everyone thinks they're the center of the universe, or wants to be the center. Hence, the "upside-down" world map (to those in the Northern Hemisphere). Yesterday, I saw two headlines for the same story: "Iceberg the size of Berlin forms in Antarctica," and "Major iceberg the size of New York forming in Antarctica."

Seems like each of us naturally looks out for our own interests. For instance, I find myself weaving in and out of traffic when I'm tense or trying to get somewhere quickly. But wait. What makes me more important than anyone else on the road? Sure, if someone is dawdling, pass them. But zig-zag-ing for position at the head of the line, saving a few minutes at best?

"What am I thinking?!" Foot off the gas, relax.

I was fascinated by a song on the radio about a woman getting irritated with "small inconveniences." She mentions misplacing her keys in the same stanza as speeding through at 35mph zone at 45mph and getting caught by the police. 

"Wait," I thought to myself. "Isn't one of those different. Actually breaking the law?" Since when has it become okay to consider laws as general guidelines... if they are convenient for me? I admit the song reproved me with its casual dismissal of obedience as option and punishment as inconvenience. Why? I sometimes am that woman (only I haven't been caught).

We need to be reminded to consider others better than ourselves by parents when we're young, by peers and friends later on, and perhaps by our children and employees as we age. Jesus noted that those who are faithful in little things can be trusted with much.

In my inner heart of hearts, inconsistent and ever wandering, I constantly need to realign my being with God's centering presence. I cry, 

"Oh Lord, create in me a pure heart. Renew a right spirit within me... do not cast me out of your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore the joy of your salvation to me again... and uphold me with thy free spirit. The I will teach your ways to those who step over the line, and sinners will turn from their ways to come to you." (Psalm 51: 10-13, paraphrased)

A tough pick

We've made a tough decision. A really hard choice.

For 25 years, we've hosted a Christmas dinner for faculty and NU friends. The first time I cooked a turkey for the group, I was in my late twenties, mom of three kids (now four, the youngest is 22), and brimming with energy. We loved having wise, funny, godly, and yes, oh so smart! friends share an evening, sing carols and read the Bible story of Jesus' birth, and bring special dishes that evolved into annual traditions.

It was fun to move all the furniture out of the living and dining rooms to set two or three round tables. After Thanksgiving every year, we bought an enormous tree that almost touched the 17' ceiling, decking it with sparkle and lights from base to tip.

Decorating? My hands fell on whatever was nearby or whatever caught my eye. One year, goldfish swam in glass bowls on candle pillars, surrounded by red roses. Another year, I twined white garlands around coat hangers to make "feather" trees. Once, I took the hangers out of ornaments, filled them with flowers, and stapled together a paper flap to hold the globes upright. W and I would do all the dishes after guests left and fall into bed exhausted but happy. The next morning, all we'd have to do is read the guestbook and smile at the wonderful memory of the night before.

A few friends transitioned to heaven over the years, but some of the favorite recipes made it into the file and have been made every year by other willing hands. A typical menu was based around:

homemade rolls and preserves
potato casserole
green bean casserole
orange veg
yellow veg
jellied salad
tossed green salad
green pea salad (Ernestine Rice's legacy)
meat and bread stuffing
turkey and gravy
dessert
and more

...you get the picture - a lavish table groaned under a meal lovingly prepared by many hands.

The tough decision? In light of my "impossible" dissertation schedule, Kirsten's visit for surgery and post-op care, and W's writing and teaching, we're not hosting the Christmas event at our house this year.

Will we miss it? Yes. Do we regret the cancellation? If we have time to think about it, we may. There are seasons in life where clenching the past holds us from the future. Times when we have to say, "NO! Sadly, no," to things we have enjoyed.

What are you saying good-bye to as the holidays approach?

Loving like... WHAT?

I read two scripture passages today that tilted my world. I admit that I've struggled all my life to love people as warmly as I'd like to. Seems when the cuddle-bug made its rounds, it forgot to bite me. It's not that I dislike people. There are just lots of times when this introvert feels like I can "take" or "leave" them. (Hardly imitating the biblical model of Jesus!)

"'Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?' 

Jesus replied, '"You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind."' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: "Love your neighbor as yourself." The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.'" (Matthew 22:36–40)

"Wait a minute," I think to myself. "It is as important to love people as it is to love God?" Yikes.

Meeting with his disciples shortly before his death, Jesus gave strict orders: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35 NIV

How on earth can one love others as deeply and sincerely as Jesus loves us? The secret must lie in our utter abandonment to God's love. Knowing how precious we are in his eyes, that each person is made in God's image (Genesis 9:6), gives each human value beyond comprehension. 

It's easy to spend time on something that we think is valuable. People take hours to gaze at museum exhibits, nurture hobbies, and admire jewels, fine art, and collector's items.

How much more should we esteem those with infinite value, who have been purchased with the blood of a Lamb without spot or blemish? 

31 days of Learning #24-31

Home from studies, it's time to wrap up October. Here's what I learned last week:

#24: Jeremiah talks about people who add God to their other worship (chapter 7). I want to be one of those who adds life to my relationship to God, with obedience and friendship with God as a priority, not as a sidekick "just in case" I need providence on my side.

#25: Sitting and studying 8am-9pm is hard on the human body, even with breaks, reading while walking the room, and stretching. Hope there are no security cameras as I grab my ankle, stretch it out back, and lean forward. Streeetch! Hold. Owie.

#26: As I lie in bed at night, God reminds me that each day has its own portion. No worries if I can swallow the whole elephant, please. BBQ and eat... in little pieces, as God spreads the table. Oh, weird analogy for a mostly-vegan.

#27: I meet with two key faculty members, the program director and my dissertation adviser. In the back of my mind, comprehensive exams (after tutorials) have been the dead end to getting all my work done. Last time I did comps, they wiped me out for 2 months after. I couldn't pick up a book, read a study, or even think about research. Several prayer partners pray with me about this.

As I'm sitting in the director's office, he pulls out the PhD manual and reads, "... or defend a scholarly journal article... and the comps are 12 hours over 3 days." STOP STOP STOP! WHAT? READ THAT AGAIN please!!!

I can petition to defend orally before the PhD class and dissertation committee, an academic article that summarizes my tutorials. I have TWO already written, one published, one requested by another journal. "Please God, let me do that instead." The director is not happy about the option, but willing to consider it. And maybe I can save 3 days (2 travel, 1 morning/night of in-house defense) by Skyping. I petition for that, too. The time saved could be crucial in this gasp to the finish line. Lesson: God can provide a way where there is no way.

#28: Most guys would have no problem telling friends and family, "Look, I won't be available for anything outside this project for 6 months. After that, I'm all yours and life returns to normal." While praying, I feel that permission, and contact my daughter (who comes home December to March for surgery & rehab) and my husband (who will have to coordinate caregivers with her) and say, "I've always been here for you. Not so much in the next 6 months. Gotta go!"

It sounds heartless. And though friends and family recoil a bit at the idea of "mother" abandoning home and hearth for studies, it feels right. Lesson: put in our own wagon only the things God gives us, and let him place the burdens we are not to carry in someone else's wagon. (It does not matter if we have carried those things before or will carry them again in the future... what is God calling us to do NOW? In this day?)

#29: I watch Cheryl's mom work, play, and administrate in the home while J and C are working in Asia for a few weeks. The kids benefit from a loving grandma. She renews love-ties to the them and serves her daughter (a brilliant administrator) with her own gifts. Lesson: do the things God gifts me with, and there is fulfillment and satisfaction all around. It's all God's work, but not all of it is mine to do.

#30: There's nothing like the face of a lover at the airport. I am happy seeing my husband! And of course, I love seeing the faces of our sons and daughter-in-love and a grandchild. Lesson: family is where the heart has its home.

#31: My office is fantastic. All the mess is off the desk: W tore out the old beige carpet that had gone through two young boys sharing, AND a teen girl in her learning-to-put-on-makeup phase. 

 The fresh smell and clean look of bamboo flooring is matched by clutter-free desk. Other stuff still has to be sorted, of course. I spread all my papers out and get to work. Lesson: It's good to purge, though it may not be useful at every time. It can be cleared and sorted after the work is done.

-----------------------observation on Halloween------------------


It's Hallowe'en, my least favorite American celebration. I wonder each year if Christians are thinking about God's pleasure rather than cultural pressure when they dress themselves and their kids as witches, ghosts, and clothe their homes in creepy, spidery-dark dress. Sure, hand out candy, but please play dress-up with cute costumes that align with truth and fun and beauty, not the Enemy of our souls.

Remember in all your frolicking and "innocent" partying to pray for God's protection around 1) the many children who will be abused in Satanic rites, 2) the horrible rituals inflicted on those with God's image, and 3) newcomers drawn into darkness as they worship the Prince of Darkness behind the closed doors and on altars hidden in the high hills.

Perhaps in coming days and years, God will use you, me, or our families to bind the deep wounds inflicted and to salve the scars of blows struck tonight.

31 days of Learning #23: lead by love and life

I'd go to New Life Church if I lived here. I've attended three Sundays, listened to the pastor's heart for the people, watched the congregation love on each other, and enjoyed the worship.

Thing is, all three weeks, guest speakers led the talks. The pastor wrapped up the service with no great fanfare. There was no competition with the guests for, "I'm the boss" or, "Here I am to do the important part of closing the meeting." The invitation was simple: let's meet with God and surrender our own preferences to follow the path He has marked out for us. Each week offered time for a cooperative, family commitment as well as a personal one.

I felt that the pastor was leading the way into God's presence. I WANTED to yield to God, rather than feeling coerced or manipulated. Judging by the response of those around me, many others felt the same.

Lesson #23: the more a leader attends to the interest of others, the more influence s/he exerts. The deeper the leader's relationship with God, the less s/he has to strive to be heard or to raise her/his voice.

31 days of learning: #22

My advisor appointment was at 3:00, so I cleaned the cabin and regretfully drove the hour back to town. The sun was out, the sky was blue, the trees were starting to blush red. I was sad to leave; it was a perfect day to study, walk, and think at the lake. But I'd taken the only chance to meet with an advisor.

At 3:00 I showed up at the prof's door. Her face was swollen and eyes red. "Do you mind if we meet another time?" she croaked. I edged out of her office. Poor thing, she looked really sick.

I grumbled inside, walking back to the library. I'd skipped lunch to be ready. A let down. But I felt so sorry for the gal... She probably was too sick to think of canceling.

The rest of the day flew by. Back online after almost a week away, I made good progress on footnotes and editing. God knew just how to arrange the day. I am grateful for what I accomplished, even with a few hours of travel and moving back to town.

Lesson: go with the flow. I want to be grateful for the blessing of the week, and use the rest of my time here wisely.

31 days of learning: #18-21

18. Tuesday I learned that it's easy to skim thru historical documents 'at a distance' and miss the point of the writers. I slowed myself to experience the words, and was swept back to 1916-25.

19. Thinking about what early missionaries had asked God for made me realize how shallow my prayers have been. Oh God, give me worthwhile prayers!

20. The lake glittered with sunshine but the air remained a cool55o. I learned that flip-flops are great, as long as you don't stand still too long, talking to the neighbors. Brrrr for my feet.

21. I learned to let go of something I can't controll, another plethora of written tests that prove nothing but to cause anxiety... Tutorial comprehensives. Had been told there are no more written tests.

I'm not sure I can recommend this program to those in full time ministry. So far, 2.5 years of classes, 3 weeks of added directed study in MO, 2 comprehensive exams on core courses, dissertation proposal (takes about a year to get it approved) 4 self-directed tutorials that need advisors' approval, comp exams on the tutorials, put it together in a dissertation, get it edited by a copy editor and revise, get it approved by the committee.

So far, to 'working on tutorials' stage has taken over 4 years. I want to graduate and get it over with. Thinking about another set of comps, I could come almost undone. So the lesson of the day is, forgedabatit until I have to do them.

22. Hospitality costs the giver, but the reward to the recipient is beyond giving thanks. I've just had a week in a quiet house overlooking a shoreline... God has displayed his beauty and faithfulness as I've written, undone, read, and written some more. So grateful to Taylors for their generosity! It's back into town tomorrow to continue work in the library and meet with tutorial advisors.

Tanks to all those who prayed that I could focus... I got lots done and feel I accomplished a significant chunk of work. Thanks be to God.

31 days of learning: #17 weather amnesia

This morning I sat huddled over my computer in a screened porch, as the temperature slowly crept to 70o. W asked if I'd stayed warm. Well, yes. Undershirt, turtleneck, velour pullover, double knit housecoat with a hoodie, over thick socks in closed shoes, and jeans. Oh, and a hot water bottle on my lap, all wrapped up under a fleecy blanket. Just right.

Forecasters predicted thunderstorms tonight. I couldn't imagine that, looking through the trees to the sun-dapples lake.

Now that night has fallen, acorns and twigs are crashing onto the porch roof and the rain is gushing down between thunderbolts. I can hardly believe it was warm and sunny when I walked outside at 2pm.

Lesson #17: weather amnesia R us... But living in the moment is ok. Earplugs and warm blankets, please.

What kind of things do YOU find easy to forget?

31 days of learning: #14-16

14. Sitting in W's class, I am astonished to hear one of his students has just published a book on God's abundance in response to our obedience... with a new twist. Can't wait to read it, especially after meeting the author. He's working on a M.Div. and is the first one in his family to complete HIGH SCHOOL, never mind college. I learned that God implants us with desires that require our obedience to glorify him.
15. I visit with a retired pastor who just wrote a book on an Old Testament character who has mentored his ministry. The gentleman came alive with excitement, telling me how he loves to explore God's Word. I learned that God's message to us bring great delight through a whole lifetime of exploration.
16. Friends of ours loaned me their lakefront cabin for the next week of research. I enjoyed church in the morning first. Cheryl Taylor knocks it out of the park in her sermon, and when the pastor calls for prayer, I find I've been sitting in the corner where people go to pray at the end of the service. I take advantage of my proximity... The man who prays for me to be able to focus on studies looks familiar. He is none other than Keith Kidwell, an alum of NU (our kids are friends, too). Cheryl and Keith, I learned that God works in the smallest details through his people, his wonders to perform. Thank you, as the sun goes down on this beautiful view.